Can you write a Saturday afternoon story using these titles from the GREAT Tom Jones??

Question

1) She's a lady.
2) It's not unusual.
3) Help yourself.
4) Without love.
5) The green green grass of home.
6) What's new pussycat?

Here is a great old Tom Jones and Janis Joplin duet!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54rEQJlc5J8&mode=related&search=

Answer 1

Dodge City, Kansas
Circa 1876

"Happy Birthday Matt Dillon"

It was May 26.......Matt's birthday. Sunshine MacGillicutty, his girlfriend, got quietly out of bed,dressed and was on her horse, "Pickett's Charge," just as Matt was starting to stir. He looked out the window and watched her disappear in a cloud of dust........."Well how do you like that? My birthday and she forgot all about it." Matt got dressed. As he was shaving, he started muttering to himself......."My birthday and she up and leaves me! Humph! Damn it! He cut himself. What's the point of having your own special day, 4) Without love?........Damn it!" He cut himself again. By the time he was finished he had four little pieces of tissue on his face, absorbing the blood from four razor nicks!!!!

What he didn't know was that Sunshine had gone to town to check up on how things were shaping up for his surprise birthday party! She had gotten the fellows together that usually played at Barn Dances: Sam The Bartender on fiddle, Brisco Billy on banjo, Gunther Geetle on guitar and sweet old Festus as the dance caller. Sunshine, of course, would have a special solo number as she sang one of her own songs to Matt while accompanying herself on guitar. The party would be that evening in the schoolhouse. As they were rehearsing their last number, the banjo player started getting the jitters.
Festus:" Now Brisco, stop yer frettin'. (2) It's not unusual to get a bit of the hippity hoppies just before a gig. You just relax and everythings a' goin' be JEST fine. Right, Miss Sunshine?"

Matt had to check up on some matters at a farm the other side of Dodge. By the time he made it back to his office, he was tired,dusty and angry at Sunshine for deserting him in bed, the way that she did. He hadn't been in his office for more than a minute or two before Doc Adams and Newley popped in. They looked at the tissues on Matt's face and started giggling.
Matt:"What's so funny?"
Doc:YOU!! What happened? No,no, don't tell me. Let me guess........Sunshine did a cartwheel into bed and kicked you in the face!" Doc and Newley laughed as they gave each other a head butt!! Matt quickly got rid of the tissues on his face.
Matt:"By the way. Have either of you two idiots seen her, today?" Just then she opened the door and peeked in.

Sunshine:
"6)♫ What's new pussycat? Woah, woah,whoa.
Pussycat, Pussycat, I've got flowers and lots of hours to spend with you."♫

She handed Matt a bouquet of wildflowers as she walked over to him to plant a sweet kiss on his cheek. Matt smiled, relieved that she had not forgotten.
Matt:"Thank you, darlin'.........Thought maybe my birthday had slipped your mind."
Sunshine:"Oh, sweetie....Never. And this is just your FIRST gift. Are you ready for gift # 2? " And with that, she sat in his lap and put her arms around his neck......."3) Help yourself, baby. THAT'S gift # 2 ."
Matt: "Doc. Newley. Please get the hell out of here while I enjoy gift # 2 !! "

After enjoying his second gift, Matt got a happy gleam in his eye.
Matt:" Maybe we ought to find a cozy cell in the back and discuss gift # 4, you wanton little chipmunk!" Sunshine raced him back there. By the time he arrived, she was patting the bed for him to join her. They passed the rest of the afternoon in Hormone Heaven.

Sunny looked at her watch and realized the party was going to start in 20 minutes.
Sunshine:"Hey,baby. I've got an idea. Let's you and I take a walk over to the schoolhouse." Matt looked puzzled. " Let's do a little role playing. I'll be the teacher and you be the bad school boy who has to stay after school." Matt was exhausted and told her that he would take a raincheck on the classroom scenario. Sunshine was getting panicky. 10 minutes till the party.
Sunshine:"PLEEEEEEEEASE Matt? Pretty please. I'll bake you your favorite pie ."
Matt: "You mean :
Sweet Cherry , Rang A Dang Dang,Who's Your Momma Tornado's A Comin', Green Apple Pie??!!

Okay, Momma..........Tornado's a comin'......Lead the way."
(I rock)

As they walked into the schoolroom, everyone jumped out and screamed surprise. Matt was delighted. Before long, the band kicked in and the party was in full swing. Punch was a flowin', Sam was a bowing (pronounced beauin') and it was time for Sunshine's big number. She strapped on her guitar and then cleared her throat:

♫ " Now 1) She's a lady. You sweet talkin' man. Yeah she's your baby. You big lawman. She's kinda crazy. And that's a fact. And she loves to nail your sexy *** in the sack....♫"

The party was a great success. Around midnight, it came to an end. Sunshine boarded her horse for the night in Dodge because she couldn't bear to let Matt out of her arms for a moment. As she sat behind him on his horse, she got her hands inside his shirt and and caressed his back........."Oh, Matt, baby. I'm gonna cuddle and wuddle you ALL night long."
Matt urged his trusty horse, "Love Potion # 9" to go a little faster. Soon their farm was in sight.
Matt: "Ahhhhhhhhhh......5) The green green grass of home.
At last.

And they tell me that as far away as the Feed and Grain store, you could hear Matt's voice:
"Yipeee Ky AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" ( All night long.)

Answer 2

I can still remember the very first day I saw her. It was December 8th, which happens to be my birthday. It was a beautiful sunny, Southern California day, so I decided to go to Kobe’s Swap meet to look around and walk about. I wasn’t actually looking to find anything, but I saw her before I even got into the swap meet. I walked over to her and looked deep into her dark green eyes and said “What’s new pussycat?” She looked at me but didn’t respond. I tried another line on her – “The green green grass of home isn’t as pretty as your beautiful eyes” still she remained silent. “It’s not unusual for her to ignore people because she’s a lady” said the middle aged man who was with her. Apparently, the man could sense my doubt, as he said “Help yourself” as he pushed her to me. I didn’t know what to do. One part of me was yelling to walk away, but another side was telling me that this was meant to be. I stood there for a moment trying to turn away, but before I knew what I was doing asked how much he wanted for her. “She’s my favorite; therefore, I can’t put a price on her. However, you look like a nice person, so for you, she is free. All I ask is that you take good care of her and give her lots of love. I can guarantee she will love you in return.” I was shocked and excited at the same time. In an instant, I accepted his offer and promised the man that I would love her always. I’m happy to say that the promise was kept and that small trembling kitten grew up to be an old fat cat who live to be almost twenty years old and didn’t go a day without love.

Answer 3

never heard that song before so thanks, it was well worth clicking on it to listen to Janis, So, I'll try this, since you posted the duet.
It's not unusual, to want to leave the green green grass of home, ok, 45 minutes later, still stuck here, trying to come up with something, but I tried-sorry

Answer 4

Today I asked my husband what about me? He said you're just another woman in love. Tonight I'll have another sleepless night. He thinks I still care but I'm not afraid anymore. I'm leaving him. No more now and forever.