I hid a tape recorder and heard her talking with her ex on the phone and making a secret meeting him at a park. I also heard her talking with a friend on the phone and she said she was thinking about cheating on me with him. Do I confront her with this now or wait and try to catch them together?
2007-05-26 08:50:02 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, this is hard. Right now what you are really facing is the probable, but not for sure, end of the relationship with no where to go with the pain that knowing is causing you. That's the real issue, the rest is just about how you handle it. Before hand you can only confront her with knowledge of her thoughts of cheating. After, it has already become a reality and the chances of saving your relationship are pretty much nil. So, I think, rather than being angry and confrontational, IF you want the relationship, you need to just tell her what you know and ask her why and what is going on. On the other hand, if the relationship is already basically over and what you are after is a huge scene where you can vent your tons of anger, which honestly?, this is what it sounds like to me, then it really doesn't matter when you confront her, now does it. Because it's not about what she is doing, it's about your pride being hurt by her actions. So, what do you want?? her or a confrontation? Figure that out and you will know what to do. Hint: super angry fights never help a relationship, they only make it worse.
Having typed all that, I feel I must tell you that I just don't understand?? why people want to hang on to someone who so clearly doesn't want them??? I mean, I want a relationship (and thankfully have it) where both of us really WANT to be with each other and are committed to making our union work. If this is what you really want, a partner, not a possession, I recommend you simply tell her it isn't working for you and you will be filing for divorce, then leave and let her do whatever. You will feel much better about the ending in the long run than if you give in to your current feelings and blow a gasket. It's fine to show some anger and feel angry, just, it is so very easy to get kinda irrational in sitautions like this and then it gets nasty for everyone, including you. Been there, done that, not good. Tried it the other way...MUCH better.
Just want to tell you, whatever you do, there is a satisfying life for you on the other side of this mess. Just be careful you don't make the road to it full of potholes!
2007-05-26 09:09:12 · answer #1 · answered by naniannie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really don't know how much a confrontation will help. She is planning on seeing the "ex" romantically and you had suspicions, hence the tape recorder. That tells me you already knew she was up to something. Can you just let her know that this isin't going to work and you need to move on to a healthier more honest relationship? Because you do.
2007-06-01 20:29:39 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd suggest having a sit down with your wife and talking to her about it- I'd avoid the word 'confront' or 'confrontational' though. People don't like conflict and if you straight out accuse her (even though you have proof) it likely won't go well. There's obviously something that was bothering you to go to such lengths to hid a tape recorder to catch her- so something is already amiss in your marriage. So, tell her how you're feeling- feel her out, and then tell her what you know.
2007-05-26 08:55:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Definately tell her. What are you waiting for? You caught her red handed. You have the recording to prove it. Play it for her. Depending on how she reacts, I would consider leaving her... I mean, first you need to ask her what is so bad that she feels like she needs to be with someone else. Maybe you could get to the bottom of it. Hopefully she will be open with you. Just don't flip S*** because it probably won't get you anywhere. Be calm and just try to talk to her about it. You may need to go to some counseling to save your marriage, if that is something you are willing to try. Just freakin' tell her. Catching her in the act will only make it worse... Good luck.
2007-05-26 08:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by K.A. 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would speak to her now. Though I don't necessarily agree w/ recording your spouse, you now have information that she is planning to cheat on you, which means your marriage is in serious trouble. (Actually, the fact that you felt you needed to tape record your spouse should have signalled trouble!) If you want to try and work it out, you could try marriage counseling, but I don't think an "I caught you in the act!" moment will be productive at all. Good luck!
2007-05-30 15:54:27 · answer #5 · answered by smileyplc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait to catch them together. This way you will have a legitimate reason for ending your relationship with her. You should save the evidence for court! (just in case you need proof)! ...
By the way, do you make a habit of ease dropping on your wife? Or was there reason of suspicion from the very beginning? Just curious
2007-06-01 12:35:44 · answer #6 · answered by cherrypopsickle2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront her now. Obviously you have proof she was planning on doing it. And there must have something about her behavior that made you tape record her conversations to begin with.
2007-05-31 09:09:58 · answer #7 · answered by Angela C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would meet her in the park with a card from my attorney and a camera. I went to court with about 20 photo's and wow, I found out a picture is worth a thousand words. My divorce proof was all in pictures literally.
I hate women who cheat. Its degrading to you and its making her look like a whore. She does not realize she is only a piece of *** for him. No man wants a woman who is married unless he is desperate.
Get advice from an attorney before you do anything.
2007-05-26 08:55:36 · answer #8 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, don't confront her. Take that recording to the nearest divorce attorney and begin proceedings. If you even have the slightest doubt to this action, think man....your wife is toying with the idea of cheating on you...repeat....your wife is toying with the idea of cheating on you which means she PROBABLY already has!
It's over. Protect yourself, your assests and get on with your life.
2007-05-26 08:53:39 · answer #9 · answered by ark 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You confront her now and then leave. If you have to hide tape recorders, then it's not a healthy relationship for either of you.
2007-05-26 08:53:48 · answer #10 · answered by None Profound 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋