My husband and i are very much in love, he is my best friend. We have a problem though, we have no sex. When i mean by haveing no sex i mean once every two weeks, he preferes to masterbate it seems. I know when he is doing it, those stupid clues that he always leaves behind. He claims that he doesnt do it all the time, but i know that he does, its pretty much everyday or other. I have discussed this with him and he had said that it stems from when he was about 15 years old, it is something that he has always done and enjoyed. He is not all about the sex thing, it takes him a week or two to really want the real thing. To be honest with you it really bugs me because it makes me feel really bad and unwanted. I dont understand is this normal?
2007-05-26 07:53:51 · 12 answers · asked by hazel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm in a similar situation. I'm lucky if I have sex with my husband once a week. I also love my husband to pieces but there is not enough sex. I'm thinking about going to talk to someone about this issue. I think your best bet is to do the same. In the meantime, try to please yourself. It releases some of the stress. I can't help you with feeling unwanted, i can only tell you that you're not alone. Good Luck.
2007-05-26 13:37:58 · answer #1 · answered by K9Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, sorry to say this, but i am that guy (not literally, but in the same situation) the only difference is my wife won't initiate sex and I can only talk her into it every 2-3 weeks. For me it's boring and tedious because she only ever wants the same thing every time and then complains that it's boring so she's not interested in sex. It's been making me mad for years! I not habitually watch pron on the net and masturbate 1-3 times a day out of frustration. It's not that my wife is a bad person or that I don't want her, I just don't want the frustration of not feeling desirable. If I were your guy, i would want a change of venue and a change of "sex rules" (things you will/won't do).
1) talk about this and explain how he is hurting you
2)find out why he is not seeking you out sexually (did you let yourself go a bit, are you too busy chasing kids to put on your face or dress nice, etc?) you may need a lifestyle change if the sex is that important to you.
3)make yourself available to him sexually. offer to masturbate him frequently if he wants. your hands will feel much better than his own.
4)if he touches himself, he has porn. it may have to go. unless you can trust him to only look at it with you there with him, where it is a mutual thing to see and explore, it will cause distance not closeness.
5)find out what he wants and has to fantasize to get. if it's not unhealthy, give it a try. don't involve other people or anything else where sex goes outside of the 2 of you, but anything else should be discussed. it may be that he wants something you are not into. again, is it worth the loss of sex not to give it to him? sometimes it's simple small stuff. i'd just like a oral sex 2 times a week but my wife won't even consider it! all she will do is once a month sometimes. the small stuff hurts and it's embarrasing to have to explain how important it is. Don't dismiss little things or argue your point about it. Just listen and think about how you feel about it. He will shut down if he feels his fantasies are rejected and probably never mention them again.
If your relationship is that good, he won't want to hurt you. Just be aware that the truth may hurt you. You may get it. You may not like it. but you do deserve the respect to be given the chance to find it. Good luck!
2007-05-26 15:40:28 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Meanie Pants 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you!!! It's a shame that he rather masturbate then have the real thing. I now by past experience that when you masturbate and have the big O then sex isn't going to happen that night because your satisfied, no need to do the deed.. He's taking away from you because he's satisfying himself. He may have some kind of hang up about sex that links back to his teen years, You can either seek counseling or go to a sex toy store and pick something up for yourself. I would tell him that your missing out in the sex department because he's taking care of his own needs and your left standing in the cold. Communication is the key here! Good luck!!
2007-05-26 15:09:35 · answer #3 · answered by Flying w/ scissors 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once every two weeks? Be thankful. I count on a per year basis. I agree with the others to talk it over and make yourself more available.
2007-05-26 15:49:13 · answer #4 · answered by Bob T 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HAZEL, Dear are you being loving and true to him ? If you are then the man has a problem. Sit him down and talk honestly and open and figure it out ! Your emotional and physical happiness should be his top priority.I will be praying for you both !
2007-05-26 15:11:36 · answer #5 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well even though you are not having sex dont let that ruin your relationship - try new things buy sexy underthings and walk around in them while you know he can see you or buy toys and expierment with them -ask him what he would like to do
spice things up make it interesting so he WILL want it more often
2007-05-26 15:22:43 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Sabre♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh that would be frustrating!!
there might be some things you can try....
I don't want to say everything here but if you wish you can contact me through yahoo answers :D
2007-05-26 16:16:34 · answer #7 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
man do not like to bang their best friend, they have a hang up with it, they feel it is not right, he has sex with you because duty call. Dump him, I think he made a mistake by marry you.
2007-05-26 15:01:50 · answer #8 · answered by ubon 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
married 25 years similar problem email me for how to resolve this kind of prob
2007-05-26 14:59:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said NO sex then you turn around and say well maybe every two weeks-----big difference here---------sex every 2 wks is still "some" sex-----not no sex at all.
2007-05-26 15:02:41 · answer #10 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋