how can i save my marrage, i have problems with my inlaws?

Question

i have a sister inlwa who is twice as my age. but she wants to controll every thing in my live. she even wanted to chose my wedding dress and my jewelary . she calls my husband at his work place and i dont what she says,but when my husband comes he starts fighting whit me.once when i had a fight with my husband i called her and argued with her too caz she was that one who made my husband to fight with me . since then she calls even more almost every day. my husband wont tell me wht she told him that he is fighting me. and when i decide to get divorce and leave the house , he comes and says sorry and he kisses my hands and he cries. and then i feel sorry for him and i stay.some times i feel like running away with my son. i have a 9 months son tooo. we have been married for 2 years only. plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz i need help, and i love my husband too.

Answer 1

Why would you want to stay with someone who takes a sister's word and then comes home fighting with you about what he has to say. If you want to keep this man, I guess the only way will have to kiss her butt, now if you grow tired of that and want a real life without kissing family behind, get a back bone and tell your husband your tired of all the crap she is and he is giving you and if it doesn't change you're out of there.

Answer 2

Can you call the secretary/phone operator where he works and ask her to have the sister in law call the house instead of the office? Or she could just tell sister in law that he's unavailable. Most women do understand this. Just tell her sister in law is interfering.

Call hubby about a half hour before he leaves work. Ask if his sister called. If he says yes, say, "Oh, that's a shame cuz I had such a nice evening planned for us. I guess that's out now since she always upsets you." do this every day until he can come home in a good mood.

Or when he starts the fight walk up to him and put your hands on his chest. Look up at him and say, "I'm so sorry she upset you. I had such a nice evening planned...."

Do plan the evening. Put baby to bed, have a great dinner prepared, and a bottle of wine chilling. Wear that little thing that always turns him on. Do your hair and your makeup and be ready to greet him at the door with, "Oh, I am so happy you are home! I've been waiting for you!" Let him SEE his loss when he pitches a temper tantrum.

When all else fails, girl,( =she doesn't sleep with him), use sex. Works every time.

Eventually, when she ruins enough romantic evenings for him, he should tell her to shut up.

Answer 3

How many times does he have to tell you he's sorry, then do the whole thing again before you realize it's never going to change.

Don't talk to her.

When she calls, "I can't talk now." and hang up.

Sometime when you're not fighting with your husband, tell him either he stops being controlled by his sister or you're out of there.

Then, if he does it again, leave. Take your son.

You may feel you love him, but he doesn't love you, and there's nothing you can do about that unless he stops listening to his sister.

It's his decision.

Answer 4

Managing Your In-Laws

If you plan on sticking with your spouse, then you're also stuck with your in-laws. Here's Dr. Phil's advice for dealing with your new extended family.

There can be no divided loyalties. When you get married and start your own family, that's where your primary loyalty needs to be.


Good fences make good neighbors. Your in-laws need to be your neighbors and there need to be really good fences up. Set boundaries about when they are and are not invited into your lives.


You've got a finite amount of physical and emotional energy. If you're in-laws are draining you, you may need to change the boundaries. Reassure them that you are not closing them out, you are simply focusing on yourselves.


Once you've set boundaries, talk to your parents about them. They're not as fragile as you may think.


The other woman in every man's life is his mother. If your husband starts in with: "Well my mother does it this way ..." then tell him to go over and sleep with her.


If a wife has a problem with her mother-in-law, it's the husband who needs to step in and help fix it. Likewise, if a husband doesn't see eye-to-eye with his in-laws, his wife needs to step in. The person with the primary relationship (the son or daughter, not the in-law) needs to be the messenger.


Negotiate with your own partner the role that you want your in-laws to have. Don't assume you're on the same page until you talk about it.


Try not to criticize your spouse for his/her relationship with his/her parents. It may only lead to more clinginess or complications.


You need to love your parents, and have a rich and active relationship with them, but any time that you turn away from your partner to resolve a relationship issue, that's a bad thing. If you have a problem in the marriage, you need to resolve it in the marriage.


Keep in mind that your parents only know what you tell them. If you go to them every time you're angry and frustrated and having problems in your marriage, they hear that, but they don't hear when you make up.

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Advice For In-Laws
Is there tension between you and your new son- or daughter-in-law? Are family events not what they once were? Dr. Phil has some questions for you to ask yourself:


Are you over-involved? Are you injecting into this new family?


Are you too critical? Have you thought about the effect your actions have? It's not a matter of intention; it's a matter of how your actions are perceived.


When you visit, remember that you are a guest. It's their house. You may not like the way your son's wife is doing things in her home, i.e. rearing children values, but it isn't any of your business. Ask yourself if you have a sense of entitlement and expectancy that is inappropriate. If there are issues that you don't abide by, then you need to just not visit them.


Are you having trouble letting go? That's your issue, so don't make your child — and his/her relationship — suffer for it.


Don't get pulled into arguments by your child and in-law. You can be supportive and still let the couple handle their own problems. Take a step back and trust that you have raised an adult who has the vision and the courage to resolve the problems that concern his/her own family.


Understand that new couples need to set boundaries on their relationship ... and that it may take them some time to find the right ones.

Answer 5

there are a number of pebbles on the coastline laying contained in the sand some with brilliant color and some uninteresting and with little color yet exciting to have and decide so that you %. it up and save it, yet the different pebbles a lot prettier attraction to you even more advantageous. So once you settle on to settle on which pebble you elect more advantageous then evaluate preserving, for this pebble is one you carry for existence and do you may want to lose it no different pebble can replace it. after I walk the coastline and %. up shells and say i respect this shell its pretty and then flow swimming and discover one contained in the water even more advantageous pettier I throw the different shell decrease back. might want to human beings save all shells, yet one in certain they're going to love more advantageous. elect properly and %. one which resembles you!!!

Answer 6

You can move but there are phones every where talk with him if that doesn't work leave the wimp with his sister as she has more control over the situation than you do. Good luck

Answer 7

omg. wow, i am really sorry about that meddling in-law. you need sit down with your husband and decide what family circle is most important to him. you and your child, the family circle he vowed to commit to.....or to his sister who's only joy in life is causing problem in yours. this sister isn't married is she? my rule of thumb is to never take any advice from a bitter single male or female. seriously, what could they possibly know about a healthy relationship when they can't maintain one of their own?? let him know that when he doesn't communicate with your, it makes you scared about what else he is keeping from you. the two of you need to be open to each other about everything. and when the meddling cow comes calling, don't let her carry the conversation....if she says one thing negative....both of you should all of a sudden be so busy you will have to call her back later.

Answer 8

The sister-in-law is way too involved in your lives. Your husband, since it is his sister, needs to politely tell her to butt out. She doesn't need to be causing trouble between the two of you, and she certainly doesn't need to voice her opinion on your wedding dress, wardrobe, etc. (unless you ask her).

Answer 9

you 2 need to move about 5 states away, so you won't be bothered by her

Answer 10

Tell your husbnd this needs to stop for good and if it ever happens again you are leaving for good. Then do it.