i need some opinions on my girlfreinds decision telling me not to talk to my friends i use to have?

Question

ive had my small circle of friends for a few years now and ive been dating my gf for a little over 8 months i realize my gf comes first in most situations but now she says i cant talk to the friends i once had at all anymore,because my friends made remarks about her, but anything that was said i was told they didnt mean anything they said,they said they still like her and they would like to hang out with us but she wont allow that...what can i say to get through her thick head and make her realize anything my friends said about her they didnt mean it...i actually miss hanging out with them,they introduced me to alot of other people in which my reputation was growing now its stopped,what can i do to fix this,or isnt there anything?she claims if i would talk to my friends then she would talk to her friends which are guys,and a few of them are her ex's..whom i dont like because all they want is one thing and there just idiots plain and simple

my friends said only small remarks about how she controls me and they dont like it, thats all that was said,it wasnt anything derogatory or bad

she says i can say hello if i see them but whats the point of that,thats stupid right?

my one friend said he considered me his brother he never had,because he has no bros or sisters,i thought that was cool of him to say,i really do think about leaving her but im stuck,i dont know what to do honestly

my one friend even offered to talk to her to clear this up and he was going to say he was sorry for anything that was said but, she wouldnt go for that,i appreciate the advice ive been getting,now i feel better about what i should do

Answer 1

thats a toughie.. a girlfriend that really cared wouldnt ask you to stop talking to your friends all together (maybe ask you to talk to them about it but not stop talking to them). your friends should actually come first sometimes. but then again, even if your friends were joking, it can still be hurtful or annoying to your girlfriend and she probably feels that if you cared you would get them to stop..but if theyre just joking its different. i dont think you should stop talking to your friends, but maybe just talk to them about not doing it...and maybe tell your gf to lighten up a little bit :)

Answer 2

I used to be in the same exact situation a few years back.

First, consider this circle of friends you've had for these past years. Some people say girlfriends come and go, but, my take is, so do friends. What did your friends exactly say about her? Was it really just a harmless joke, blown out of proportion by your g/f, or was it something that's intolerable (like creating dirty rumors about her). In any case, you must determine your friends' level of respect for you and your g/f in the long run.

Your girlfriend may or may not have a reasonable excuse for being angry with your friends, but, threatening you to stop hanging out with them is not the way of handling the situation. The fact that she is going as far as saying she will now talk to her guy friends, says a lot about her character.

You have to be careful. She seems like the type that can easily turn on you, just because she doesn't get her way. You need to question what kind of friends you have also though. I wouldn't take anything that they said about my gf lightly.

Answer 3

It sounds like she is possibly a bit controlling by nature, but I am only taking thatr from what you say and the fact that she doesn't want you to keep those friends. I personally would never have asked my wife to give up her friends and she would not have asked me too either. I do not think that is good. Genarally the more control a person exhibits while dating, the more control they will exert in marraige.

I knoe people who have given up all their friends and even hobbies etc for a girl. We have never asked each other to do that and we have been married now 25 years. She has her friends, I have mine and we have some together.

The only friend i ever lost over a girlfriend was when I was a teen and was dating a girl who got around some. He called her a sl*t. She probably was, but I got around too. so I thought that was uncalled for since he knew i cared for her.

it doesn't sound like your friends said anything like that. You go back several years with them, so you need to consider that.

none should seek to control someone else, beyond expecting fidelity.

Answer 4

Hey mate.

I hate to have to say this but I don't think you and your girlfriend belong together. She isn't letting you be your self and is contolling you. Normally I wouldn't say something like this but unfortunalty it's true. I she feels like she needs to change you, you aren't right for each other.

This doesn't mean your not a good person, she is the one with insicurities and she isn't someone you should be around (she is negative). I may be sounding negative too but you shouldn't be be with someone who doesn't like you for who you are, I learnt this the hard way.

Having a girlfriend shouldn't cost you your friends.

I hope your do whats best for you.

Just ask your self this one question if your ever in doubt...Who is the most important person in ther world?...You are! It's good to care about others feelings, but you need took look after your self first.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

I wouldn't give up my friends whom you've probably known longer than your current g.f. If your friends said something about her in a joking manner and the joke got back to her, then that where you explain it was a joke and you joke them about their g.f.'s. I'm sure you don't be around your girl 2-4-7, hang out with them then. You can't help what your friends say and she shouldn't force you not to hang around them. She may decided to up and leave then you won't have a girl nor any friends if you ditch them for her. Tell her that she is the least of the conversation when you hang out with your friends. Good luck.

Answer 6

Your second sentence tells me you're already in trouble. "I realize my gf comes first in most situations"? I'm sorry, but you should come first for you, and she should come first for her. If you both can see eye to eye after that then you have a real thing. But if she won't "Allow" you to hang out with your friends you have a control freak on your hands. And if you go along with what she does or doesn't allow, you are easily controlled. You should both be allowed to have whatever friends you choose to have, that are completely separate from your relationship with each other. If you don't like some of her friends then don't hang out with her when she is with them. And vice-versa, if she doesn't like some of your friends, then she doesn't have to hang out with you when you are with them.
Lastly, her level of self worth must be pretty low if she relies on others opinions of her to tell her what she thinks of herself.
Ask yourself honestly, do you reeeeeally want to be a part of this?

Answer 7

you are your own person, and you dont need to be bossed around and controlled. Yes, she may have come first in a couple of situations..... but not in this one. i dont think she has thr right to tell you that you can not hang out with your own friends. girls will come and go... but friends will stick to your side the whole time. u should leave her. say to her my friends were even trying to say sorry and you wouldnt accept it... and u had your chance. u shouldnt even have to put up with that. just leave her.

Answer 8

Sweetie I am just being honest here you sound a little pathetic. if she can't get along with any of your friends that is telling you something! You cant' even talk to them anymore! You can't see your friends any more! You see where I am going with this. Think rational here if she is like this now what makes you think she will be any different if or when you get married! think about that will it get better? Or will it get worse? Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Sounds like she is controlling. I have always found that if my friends did not like who I was dating, they usually were right in the end. They see things we don't about the other person because they are not involved emotionally with them. Listen to what they have to say.

Answer 10

Dude You have to make a choice between your buddies or your girlfriend.
If I were you then I'd chosen my buddies cause they've been with me for year while on the other hand this new girl has just been around for 8 months .god knows she might even turn over to her ex's after you break your friendship.

I'd suggest "Have a new Gf.! "