opinion on my poem plz?

Question

staring out in the dark
afraid of whats to come
awoken by the fears of tomorrow
and the harsh realities of today
still a glimpse of hope every now and again
every time i look in your eyes
but it never lasts long
every kiss ends
every date has a curfew
and every time i look in your eyes
i need to look away at some point
hope never lasts forever
if you have to hope for hope too
if you are never sure it is listening
if you are never sure if hope wants to be here
if you aren't sure if hope cares
if you don't know if hope even wants to be your glimpse of hope
hope never lasts if you need to hope for hope
and hope isn't willing to hope for you

Answer 1

The basic idea is good. I understand what you are saying in your poetry but it's in a very raw form. You need refining and a few poetry lessons or maybe you can purchase a book on how to write poetry.

Your poetry is worth reading, you just have to organize your words properly. Whatever you do don't give up on writing. You have raw talent, just keep at it! I'll be looking for more of your poetry! Good luck.

Answer 2

I thought you should have separated the poem into two parts. The second part would be the observations about hope.
I think you did something interesting with "hope." You personified it, as if it had human qualities, as if hope could listen, hope would want to be there, hope would care, etc.
I almost wonder if you could have taken that whole section and just personified hope and written a whole short poem just about that. The concept of hope never lasting if you need to hope for hope and hope not being willing to hope for you has some untapped potential within the context of a poem about hope.

Reading this poem it is as if you began just kind of wandering through your thoughts and feeling and your mind hit upon hope, you got a creative boost and then the poem held together for me much more in the last half.

Answer 3

Is hopeless. No, really it should stop with the line "if you have to hope for hope too".
You don't have to explain too much, remember, the reader will insert thier own feelings as they read as well as get in touch with yours. It could use some tightening up in other sections too , but all in all, not bad. Don't be afraid to take a critical look and edit if needed.

Answer 4

Good idea, but as others have said, too many "if's." Also there is no punctuation and no capitalization. It works good as prose or lyrics for a song, otherwise there is no meter, no organization. The expression is good, but the poem is generally too wordy. Try condensing it a little.

Answer 5

I loved it, it tells the truth, you should keep writing poems.
You should put some commas in though, because that tells readers when to pause while reading.
All in all very good though.
:)

Answer 6

its good but got a little confusing when u put in all the hopes

Answer 7

Wayy to many hopes

Answer 8

It shows you have a beautiful soul.

Answer 9

this is a really good message. i love this poem. it flows very nicely. i like it.

Answer 10

I think it's good, but when you get to the 'if's' it get a little confusing.