I have been with my partner for 14yrs - we married 4 yrs ago and have 2 kids together. We were only 18 when our first was born, and after 3yrs we seperated as I was young and niave and fell for someone else. We got back together and had another child (well 2 but we lost 1). I love her, she says she loves me (not as much these days) - and I have found that she is phoning some guy every day from work and gets so defensive when we talk about (she always hides her phone and never mentions this guy) but his number is all over my phone bill. I am sure she is having an affair but says she isnt. I am really low - I posted a messge earlier and got some good responses but still feel like theres nothing left. I have been sat for the past hour thinking about ending it all - but I love herand the kids but cant bear to think she is with someone else. Never ever thought I would open myself up like this on the net but so low - dont know what to do 4 best
2007-05-26 06:43:06 · 13 answers · asked by ealesy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can trust people, if you will trust people that's a different story. Your wife may be talking to a lover or a long lost sibling. You don't know because she's getting defensive which makes the believing the worst so much easier. Talk to her about what you are worried about. You might be wrestling with valid fears or you might just be worried for no reason. Don't do anything rash period but talk to her ASAP when you can both be calm and relaxed.
2007-05-26 07:54:00 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you end it with her, try one more time to see it could work out. We should never make any decisions when stressed because you will be looking back with the what if's. Call this number yourself and talk with the person who answers it and see what they have to say, it could be harmless. You've already invested 14 years into this, so why not another week or so. Don't stay because of the kids, that would not only be wrong for you but for them also. Talk with her without getting angry and use the I word instead of you. I hope it works out the way you want it too. Love is a crazy thing and it should never hurt like it does so much.
2007-05-26 06:54:31 · answer #2 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, we are in the same boat. (kinda) I have been married for 5.5 yrs and my husband is making phone calls to his ex's on his cell phone. I get his bill (I pay the bills) every month and these numbers are on there a numerous amount of times. I do check his phone and he is deleting these numbers so I don't know about it til the bill comes in. When confronted about it he says "this is why I delete them from my phone, so we won't fight about it" Says it is no big deal. To me it is a big deal and it hurts to know he is talking to his ex. I have gone as far as calling these other women to find out what is going on. I love my husband and have thought of leaving the life we have together. I am still here. Can't seem to get the courage to leave. But know that I will NEVER be able to trust him again. I am not sure what to tell you, only that it doesn't get any easier. Maybe since you have children with her, you should find it in your heart to break free of the marriage. It will only be hell if you stay. The kids will feel the stress and tension and that is not good for them. Suicide is NOT the answer. You have your children to think of. It is not fair to let the kids pay for what she is doing. Just leave her, if only for seperation. You will find someone better. Someone who really loves you and your children. Good luck and if you need to chat, im me. KM
2007-05-26 06:57:42 · answer #3 · answered by Krissy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feelyour pain bro. The best medicine is praying man. I know you probably don twant to hear it but God doesnt put you in any situation he doesnt feel you cant handle. Honestly Trust is such a big issue, the sad thing about your situation is thateven if you guys work it out....I promise you it will always be a doubt in your mind about her doing something on the side. Thats one of those things about Love...It makes you do some of the dumbest things unimaginable. and a lot of times women tend to take advantage of the fact that men Love them so hard that will do whatever they want because they believe in their minds that the men will not leave them because of Love. I hope you get a sense of relief from prayer man.
2007-05-26 10:13:49 · answer #4 · answered by Mr Confused 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is something you both have broken at sometime in your relationship, but ending your life would not do anyone any good- the kids would be ruined for life!
I would really have to look at getting her away for the weekend alone! very soon and I would beg for forgiveness for your past when you left her! then I would tell her I knew about the other guy and ask her is she had feelings for him and what was her intentions with him?
If she was doing it because of the hurt then I would do everything I could to make her Love me again!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-05-26 06:54:50 · answer #5 · answered by kiphyn b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello:
No,you can never fully trust anyone 100%!! I am sorry to have to say that,but it is the truth!! I have been married for almost 11 years,and my husband has hid ALOT of things from me that I didn't know about,until it was years down the road from when certain incidents had happened! I am not trying to sound like a prude here,but I was VERY UPSET AND HURT,when I had found out that he had been renting,"adult,"movies on our cable,whenever I went out for the day,or if I went to lay down and take a nap. Of course when I confronted him about it,he tried to act like I was a prude because I just don't understand that men need that sort of thing,it is in their male genetic needs or whatever!
I very clearly and bluntly told him that if I EVER caught him looking at that crap again,he would be outta of here so fast that his head would spin,and I wasn't kidding either! Of course I got the response from him that I just,"don't understand,"what a man needs and you will love my response to that! I told him that what a man needs is a good smack upside their head if they have a very loving and caring wife like I am,and they choose not to spend time with me,but look at that crap on the,"adult movies,"instead.
I won't lie,I have money put into my own bank account that he doesn't know about,because I may need it if I decide to divorce him and move on. I refuse to stay with somebody if they cannot appreciate me,or love me as they should. Please listen to me when I tell you that even if your spouse or partner says that you can trust them 100%,NEVER EVER believe them,because I can guarantee you that they are keeping secrets from you that you have no clue about!! Trust me,I married someone who has lied to me,and done things behind my back without even telling me about it,and I found out about it later!!
Oh yeah,and there are other things that he has done too,that I confronted him about and of course I got the little rebel speech from him that he was going to do what he wants,when he wants,however he wants,without thinking about how it will affect me or my family!! :-(
2007-05-26 06:57:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't get depressed over your daughter taking a step further in life. Everyone grows up and she needs a man in her life, not just parents. She can't be your little girl forever, even though it may be hard to let her go, you need to know that she needs to move on. Being a student in high school I know how hard it is to trust anyone, but it's not supposed to be that way with your family. Your family is supposed to be there for you, but don't try to keep her too close because that usually backfires and makes her want to be farther away. Trust me. You should try to sit down and talk to her, but don't force it, if she doesn't want to talk then don't make her, she'll come to you when she's ready.
2007-05-26 06:50:23 · answer #7 · answered by x3kaelyn_elizabeth 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I use to think there was, but the only one I've ever found you can truly trust is yourself. Your at the bottom, you've got to think with a clear head, think positive. It can only get better from this point on. Start thinking about number 1, that's you. If you don't, it'll eat you alive. Good luck.
2007-05-26 06:58:54 · answer #8 · answered by larry m♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her, stay with her.and if she is really cheating on you,ignore it...youre ther for your children....put your children first and your wife last...love your children because they are the ones that pay the price....they are going to need you and of course they are goin to need your wife....if they (your children)see you separated from your wife,they are going to do the same thing when they get older.....Love your chldren and they will thank you in the future._^_^
2007-05-26 06:50:46 · answer #9 · answered by carebear 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How selfish of you to commit suicide. Don't you realize there are other people you would be hurting? Get professional help for your kids' sake.
2007-05-26 06:48:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋