A short poem this time. Opinions please?

Question

"Love"

"Love" just seems a word so dry
My passion needs a stronger cry
At least my love for you, my dear,
Is too great for ‘love’ to bear.

Give it a name and I’ll deny:
A word would still my love decry
‘Cause what I feel for you, my dear,
Is felt; and not for all to hear!

Answer 1

Oh, I like the way you develop the thought, twisting from seeking the right word to knowing there isn't one. Nice progression.

I'm going to comment on the meter and rhyme scheme. As always, my suggestions aren't better, just illustrations.

Again, you break your meter in the first line. There are many ways you could get the meter and keep your meaning. For example:

A word like "love" seems weak and dry.
My passion needs a stronger cry.

* "dear" and "bear" are what are called sight rhymes, not true rhymes. You'll see rhymes like this in poems from previous centuries, but at the time they were written, the words were in fact pronounced the same way. It's cheating now :-) Particulalry since you use the same word to rhyme with "hear" in the next stanza. Now, if you went for four stanzas and also rhymed "tear" and "wear" with "dear," that might be kind of fun.

You see, my love for you, mon cher,
Is much too great for "love" to bear.

* I'm not sure you mean decry (criticize), but maybe you do. Do you mean shout, or announce? I wouldn't want to fiddle too much with the last stanza myself, but I think what you're trying to say is your emotions aren't to be shouted from the rooftops; feelings are to be felt, not heard

I'd rework those first two lines of the last stanza, though, because they're the most convoluted grammatically and may not express what you really mean. The last two lines are a nice twist. If you're going to use elevated language throughout, I wouldn't throw in the slang in the end ('cause).

For what I feel for you, my dear,
Is felt, and not for all to hear!

I like this poem very much. Thanks for posting this.

Answer 2

The last line of your first stanza doesnt rhyme and since every other line does, it ruins the flow. I would try making the lines a bit more complex, the poem is too simple for what it seems like you are trying to portray. This poem has potential though.

Answer 3

One theme I hear in your poem: Love is not to be described about this person, it is more than the word can convey. Still you have a desire to put words down in poetry saying this is not enough...which of course it never is...poetry is so wonderful because we can express deepest feelings that the world can hear if they so choose. Thank you for sharing your poem and the knowledge that someone is in your life that you love deeply.

Answer 4

sounds fine but a little bit content serving form