I'm gay...how can I further develop my relationship with my straight friend?

Question

I'm gay, & I've a friend who's straight. We both live in the same dorm. He just had a girlfriend & I find that I've spent less time with him. I want 2 develop my friendship with him further but I'm not sure how. I love him (it's not sexual but platonic). You know, that sense of fraternity/comradeship...but he is very athletic, I'm very intellectual, so we dun have much in common apart from our Christian beliefs, experiences in living in several countries & activities like pool & table tennis. He is very sporty & likes soccer & tennis (which I'm not into). I feel very inadequate around him & he seldom visits me in my dorm. He is also quite popular & is a member of the dorm exec, so a lot of his other friends 'steal' time away from me. I'm very frustrated because I dunno if he is genuinely interested in getting to know me better as a friend. I would like to get to know him better. How can I continue to develop my friendship with him? I would like to learn tennis & cricket...

Answer 1

First, face the fact that your attraction to him is not platonic, it is sexual. Second, his dis-interest in you is because you're gay. He has other priorities and they don't include you. Don't waste your life and time thinking you're going to be best friends with this guy. You have everything to gain and he has everything to lose because of the relationship. It might appear to be working but don't think you'll be vacationing together. You're spinning your wheels thinking this is going to work. There are 6 billion people in the world. Don't focus on this one relationship. You'll going to get hurt and then say "why me?". Move on and find someone that has similar interests. You'll save precious hours, days, weeks waiting for that call that's not going to happen. Reality is a very difficult thing to face but it can't be ignored. It's reality, for God's sake.

Answer 2

Quite simply, your going to have to get involved in some of the things he likes/dose. He's straight, your gay - he's sporty, your not - he's involved in dorm politics, your not, find some common ground and then ask him to help you get involved in it. You pretty much answered your own question and the end of it when you said, "I would like to learn tennis & cricket..."!
By the way, are your sure you are only interested in friendship? You had better know for sure, cause if you end up spending more time with this guy and fall for him and he is indeed straight, all you will have accomplished is setting yourself up for heartache.

Answer 3

That's a good question. I've been through that before. So, whatever you do, DON'T MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU WANT HIM! Even if it's unintentional, if he going away from hanging out with you, it's probably because his other friends are saying crap like, "What do you hang out with that ***" or something like that.

Try to get involved. Maybe become a little more athletic, that seemed to work for me. Just don't make it look like you LIKE LIKE him.

And be careful, because if you get to know him better, you may find yourself hitting on him. Even if you don't mean it, it's a red flag for straight guys, and he will probably FREAK OUT!

So, if it is purely platonic, and you're not attracted sexually, talk to him about it. If he's your friend (and not a 'wanna-be-lover') then he'll understand. If the problem is his friends, then confront them, if you're able. Try to get involved with the college besides just the classes. You don't have to join a sport, especially if you're academic. But if you're REALLY smart, you should join a sport, and try to maintain your grades. Maybe your friend will see that you're in a sport, and he will spend more time with you.

And, you could ask him to HELP YOU study. Especially if his grades are lower than yours. He will think that's nice that you want his help in academics. Then you can ask him for help in the sports you're both in. That way you're spending twice the time with each other, while still keep your gay - straight relationship.

Answer 4

First of all, dont be anyone other than yourself! If youre not into athletics, then dont do it just to fit in. Secondly, does he know your gay? If so, then just act like any other "bud" does and join him at the frat parties, etc. Get rid of those jealous feelings...people can have more than just one friend. Dont be all down just cuz he chooses to go somewhere with another friend. What you need to do is not show any animosity so he wont get the idea that your attentions are sexual. Just tell him outright if you need to that youre only interested in being friends (the same as his other friends) and put his mind at ease. Thats the important thing right now...he just may be misconstruing your intentions. Good luck

Answer 5

This sounds like infatuation to me.

Keep him at a distance. It doesn't sound like you have much in common with him, and I detect that you are willing to make some changes in your interests to become more 'like him' and thus he will see you as more attractive.

I infer from your post that you see the two of you growing closer and closer, sharing your 'mutual interests' and enjoying being 'just friends.' Trust me, this is not the way it will work out.

So, my advise is to expand your interests, do more sports, but do it for yourself. Make yourself as interesting and attractive as possible to someone who respects you for who you are, such as, someone you know is gay, and could commit to the kind of relationship that can be real and fulfilling.

With your current crush, the only thing you will be is frustrated, angry, and bitter. Now, how would that look to a guy who might otherwise have been interested in you before your crush experience?

Don't throw yourself away on a fantasy. Sounds a little like you may be afraid of a real relationship. The 'platonic friend' who is in reality your jack-off fantasy, is an unhealthy compromise, and will do more damage to your self esteem than you can imagine.

You sound like you have alot of fine qualities. Share them with the great guy you truly deserve.

Answer 6

Buy a plasma TV for the Super Bowl, a lot of pizza and a lot of cold beer.... you'll be the most popular gay dude in college with straight guys. In other words just act more like a straight guy, I mean straight guys have to listen to women whine about random insignificant drama all the time, it gets old and annoying... just don't act feminine if you want straight guys to like you. Unfortunately not all straight guys are this open minded to not care about your sexuality. It may make them question their own sexuality and they might get scared and turn on you, so try not even bringing up sexual topics.

Answer 7

Just be honest. If you are gay and he is straight and you will respect his ways. Be honest and just tell the truth.
I work and live in Las Vegas. It is not uncommon out here.
Trans sexuals you name it but we all have a good friendship. I love women but have many friends in alternate life arrangments. No problem with me.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

dont make ur relationship awkward and if u want to get closer to him (not in a gay way) ask him to teach u tennis

Answer 10

Sounds like your becoming obsessed with him. Leave him alone and find another boyfriend.