What should I do about my Roommate and his BF?

Question

Ok, here is the issue. I recently got a new roommate. Him and I have been friends for a long time. Get along great and respect each others privacy. The problem is, he always has his BF staying over. I do not mind a night or two, but it seems like it is more and more. My questions is: Should I say something? Am I over reacting? I like his BF, but I also feel, it is kind of rude that he is there all the time. I do not feel completely comfortable, not to mention the living costs go up with the extra person there. I know as a roommate, he is entitled to have friends over and of course his BF. But all the time! And he even gave the guy a key? What do I do? The BF lives with his parents (is out) and once in awhile they stay there. Since they have only been dating for a short time, they plan on waiting a year or so to move in together. I own the house and really have no other issues with him
Thanks!

Answer 1

just tell your room mate how you feel just like you told us...............

Answer 2

What was your agreement when your roommate moved in? If things were just generally agreed upon, it seems like now is the time to get specific. I'd let the roommate know what things are an issue--BF staying over too frequently, extra person basically living there for free, having an extra house key, etc--and I'd give him the option to either a] pay extra for the BF, b] have BF move in and split expenses 3 ways, or c] move out asap. No hard feelings, nothing personal--just business. The whole "plan on waiting a year or so to move in together" doesn't seem to be working, does it? It sounds like they're "moved in together" on you, at half the expense. I'm sure this probably wasn't intentional, but since it seems to be working out that way, looks like you and your roomie have to make some choices.

Answer 3

Yea, you are in a tough situation. It doesn't seem right that your roommate has given out a key to his boyfriend. If the boyfriend is being allowed free access to the house and eating, showering, sleeping there etc. all the time then your roommate really should pick up the extra cost.

Try handling it as nice as possible though. May be get together your bills from before boyfriend came into the picture and after showing the difference. Then ask him out to lunch or something where the two of you can have a sit down talk about this.

Worse case scenario is he won't agree and then may be it's time to look for another roommate.

Answer 4

1. Take a close look at the financials. Make a chart or list of the additional expenses that are accrued when the boyfriend stays there for more than a few days at a time.

2. Once you know exactly what the additional expense is, address the issue with your roommate at a time when the boyfriend isn't there.

3. The next time you share a place with someone you'll know to make a list of what you expect. However, at this time what's done is done.

4. Truly examine your conscience, too. If there really aren't added expenses that you can attribute to the BF, then maybe you are simply jealous and/or lonely.

5. This is a good opportunity for you to get out, develop new interests and find a broader group of friends.

Answer 5

Well since you get a lone with his BF. Request from your roommate do his BF want to rent a room from you since the person is always at the house. Before he answer give your roommate the monthly rent. This will give your roommate the hint on what are you thinking. If your roommate says no, don't drop the subject immediately, and yet don't put pressure on your roommate. The last thing you want is to cause conflict, and make sure you draw up a contract regarding guess visiting. Read the contact to your roommate(s) so he has a good understanding of your rules.

God Bless

Answer 6

probably should have made the "visitor rules" before he moved in... too late now. food for thought if you ever get another room mate, this would be something to consider.

meanwhile, you might want to tell your roommate that while you respect the fact that he has a boyfriend, you feel he is over there a little too much for your comfort and you are starting to feel as if your privacy is invaded... let him know he's welcome to have the boyfriend there X number of nights/days a week....

and if you are uncomfortable with the guy having a key to your house, tell your roommate to get it back... i don't know how i'd feel about that, myself -- i don't trust people that well... i would have said something already, i'm sure.

it's nice to have someone to share expenses, but sometimes inconvenient.

take care and i hope you get some good answers here.

Answer 7

Set some ground rules. Tell the friend you have no problem w/ him coming over, but not excessively. I do not think you're over reacting...A respectable amount of sleepovers is twice a week so I think. That doesn't mean he couldn't come over in the daytime, but if you're eating, sleeping, and pooping somewhere, you live there.

If you don't have a problem with this, I'd suggest allowing him to move in (also w/ agreed rules), and pay a part of the rent or utilities...something.

This matter must be addressed! If you have to think this, you already know it's a problem, catch it before it becomes a big problem.

Answer 8

I would simply sit your roommate down and tell him that the BF needs to pay rent if he is going to be there so often. It is only right, as your costs do increase with another person. It would not have to be a full share of rent, but it should be a price fair to you.

Unless you just do not want the BF there that much, then let the roommate know that it is not acceptable to have someone there that much.

Answer 9

You should definately say something.. If he is going to practically live there, then he needs to pay some portion of the bills, because I am sure he is showering, using the restroom, lights, etc. Just let them know that you don't mind that he come over and stay every once in a while, but if he is going to stay often then he needs to start contributing. They should respect that, just let it be known that it is the same on your part. If you have something in your lease about it then that would definately benefit you.

Answer 10

Tell him a guest is a guest,, and a third room mate, is a third room mate, and will share the costs,,,simple as that. Persoanlly,, that kind of stuff would not happen in my house,,grosses me out.

Answer 11

Up your roomates rent enough to pay for the higher bills.