ive been in a long term relationship for many years and together although unmarried we share 3 kids. i haven't had sex for a very long time (think in years, not days) . Dude's poor. we're poor together and in one crappy situation.the thought of sex makes me want to hurl. but i dont know why i hate myself for it and i dont know what to do. anyone?
2007-05-25 13:53:15 · 18 answers · asked by ohsosad 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like your difficulty is psychological and not biological in nature. From what you're describing, outside environmental factors are causing you to see your situation as a bad one and causing you to feel less than romantic. Change the outside circumstances if you can, barring that, there isn't much you can do about it.
2007-05-25 13:58:14 · answer #1 · answered by Candidus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, not many people can say they have been in a "long term relationship for many years". Pat yourself on the back for that!!
It seems we all find reasons to hate ourselves...don't be too rough on yourself! Not having sex is not the end of the world.
I do think you need to bring some color into your life. You are in a rut, for sure.
There are lots of free things to do...either by yourself or with the children. Find a place to jog, or a park to picnic in, take a camera...take photos and start a scrapbook of memories...buy some cheap acrylic paints and copy greeting cards...frame them and hang them around the house! Get away from too much TV...get active...get organized. You will be a happier person.
You might find that being a more active and constructive person could change your feeling about sex.
Being in a rut can happen easily...it takes courage and real strength to make a change. You will help the children with their attitudes, as well.
Don't hate yourself...there is nothing good that will come of that. We all have to work at life...it isn't always fun. You are not alone.
2007-05-25 21:13:12 · answer #2 · answered by Eve 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who can think of sex when someones in a crappy situation. There must be no joy in your life. Your low self esteem keeps you from enjoying sex and everything in life probobly. Apparently the person you are with loves you, but is he suffering from mental distress like you are.? For a women not to enjoy at least sometimes what other couples enjoy there is definately something deep going on. You might be suffering from depression or some kind of disorder . I wish you could pick yourself up for a minute and see if a professional could help you. I know you are poor but there are places like a human services dept in your area that you can talk too. Do you hold animosity toward your man because you are poor? Take him with you if he will agree.
2007-05-25 22:17:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What an interesting situation.
it's a tough one. Could be that there is a reason for the low sex drive like depression or medication or drugs but.....if it's just that you are not attracted to your partner then maybe it's time to leave.
Sounds harsh i know but why be unhappy. Be there for your kids and do your best by them but don't stay somewhere with someone if it depresses you.
Other solution which i would try frist is talk to your doctor about why this is happening and possibly a theripst. For sex to actually make you hurl there is something wrong. So get it checked.
hope it all works out.
2007-05-25 21:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by *Sbaby* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man hasn't married you, after 3 children. Neither has he tried to help provide you with a decent life. He's only kept you pregnant, to keep you from leaving him. Now you see yourself in a hopeless situation and you hate yourself for staying with a guy who has only brought you misery. This is why you don't want to have sex with him anymore. It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start thinking about the future. Some men don't care about the future. They lay up with women--having unprotected sex and making babies they can't take care of, and are content to live in poverty. They're of no use to anyone, not even themselves. This is the kind of man you're involved with. Unfortunately, there is no magic potion to change your life. You'll have to find the courage to get out of this relationship and start building a future for you and the children. This may seem like an impossible task, but other women have done it and so can you.
2007-05-25 21:52:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really sounds pretty complex. And IMO, I think you would do better to explore this with a professional counselor. I get the feeling this is pretty deep and confronting things may indeed be a revelation that will change your life and get you out of what seems to be a long term "crappy situation." Good luck ... truly.
2007-05-25 20:58:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, it sounds like you've hit rock bottom-or at least you think you're there.
the situation you are in is not your fault and no one you should hate yourself for. things happen. the important thing is how you deal with it. you need to make a plan and execute it.
it sounds like you are depressed. go to the doctor and explain your physical and mental symptoms and ask for an anti depressant. take a daily vitamin. drink plenty of water. get some fresh air and exercise (take your kids to the park; go for a walk). you aren't having sex because you are depressed, you are physically and emotionally drained.
i know that you don't feel like going to the park, but force yourself to go. you will find that you actually enjoy being in the fresh air, watching your kids play and playing with them. your kids will bring you joy--if you can let go of your depression--and focus on enjoying them and the experience of being a mom. it's not fair to your kids.
if your man is not working-dump him. your man needs to contribute and if he does not, you need to kick him to the curb and not let him free load off you. there is a job to be found-if you want one-may not be the ideal job, but there's a job.
if your man spends his $ on drugs or booze, dump him. if he's wasting his money on crap while you and the kids are doing without, you don't need him and would feel better without him.
if your man is abusive, dump him. you don't need it and shouldn't put up with it.
you have to pull yourself up. it's cheesy, but what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. it's true. you are raising three kids in a "crappy" situation--and you are surviving. give yourself some credit.
good luck!
2007-05-26 00:12:50 · answer #7 · answered by Susan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you dare feel guilty! Are you going through menopause? My libido went downhill when menopause came. If you are your female hormones (estrogen) are declining. Menopause may not be the culprit. Any way you need to get to a doctor or clinic for a female exam. Good luck.
2007-05-25 21:04:55 · answer #8 · answered by cswint2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi... sorry you're feeling like this.
sometimes the lack of desire for sex can have a lot to do with your situation and the way you feel (or don't) for your partner.
if we lack respect, especially, our sexual desire for our partner is sometimes missing all together. sometimes these problems are horomal. whatever the problem, you didn't get this way on purpose.... and it's not your fault.
take a look at the person you are with... if you just "don't feel it" for him these days, that is likely the problem.
take care of yourself, hon. hugs
2007-05-25 20:58:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact your local mental health office. Life sucks most of the time. What you have to do is find that within yourself to overcome obstacles. The previous posted suggested depression, I think she is right.
2007-05-25 21:05:56 · answer #10 · answered by Mark 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋