How can I stop being so shy? No friends, and never been on date...?

Question

I don't have any friends
I'm almost 20 years old
I'm pretty but a little fat.. trying to lose weight now
I've gained weight recently through compulsive eating
Never had a date in my life
I've been depressed kinda for all of my high school years
because of family stuff but i don't think that's an excuse anymore

anyways,
i have no idea how to find friends
i'm not at high school anymore and it's so much harder to find friends at college cuz the classrooms are so hugeee.. plus, college is done for this year so i'm home all day

i need to get a job
but i don't know what kind

i also don't really want friends in a way
but in a way I do because i'm very loney
it's wierd
i don't really get myself

it's like i can only communicate with people who are not self confident...
it's scary... i just feel intimidated by people with confidence... i feel lower than them

i am also very good with kids, because they are younger than me

i'm mess
and i want to change
help?

Answer 1

I read what you wrote and then I started thinking. Your problem has little to do with being fat. There are lots of chubby girls who are very fun to be around with. I think your post (regardless of it's contents) reveal alot about your personality. You are a very difficult and unsure person to be around and people sense that when they are around you. I personally don't associate much with people who have low self-confidence and are confused, precisely because they can drive me crazy. One moment they want something, the next moment they don't. They are incapable of speaking two semi-intelligent sentences and in effect they are very hard to be around.
I, as a guy, along with lots of other people like self-confident friends who are fun, can carry a conversation and have a direction in life.
I don't know how to get from one state to the other but I think you need to work on them. If you want friends, be a good friend to them. You just have to remember that people don't have any obligations to assoicate with you. It's you who needs to change yourself. Sorry I don't mean to come down hard on you but you need to work on yourself.
Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm in the same boat, only a lot older than you. One thing I can tell you, is that there is difference between being shy and being an introvert. an introvert is someone who feels most comfortable around only a small group of people as opposed to an extrovert who enjoys being the life of party.
As far as your weight and other issues, don't try to change for the sake of getting people to notice you. Be yourself, and don't let others dictate who you are. I've had friends who have come and gone over the years, and in all honesty, even though they were "seasonal', they were some of the betters friends someone can ever encounter. Take the initiative once in while if you have a strong urge to, but be the best person you can be, and you will have good people coming to you from time to time. Sometimes they stay for a while, sometimes they don't. but they are almost always a "classier" breed than the ones you are trying to impress on a daily basis.
I enjoy writing, and would not mind a pen pal, so rather than write another 10 pages answering this question, I will invite you to email me if you wish to talk about this or other topics.
Whether or not I hear from you, good luck with search.

Answer 3

Don't feel bad, I too am 20 years old without a job. Pathetic, isn't it? Well it get's better ... I don't have my license yet, either. And to top it off, the friends I had in high school transferred to far away schools, so I'm relatively friendless with the exception of my fiance who lives with me. My best advice for you is to:

1)Get a job.
2)Get a membership to a local gym with the money from your first paycheck. Use whatever money is left to pamper yourself (buy some makeup, a new outfit, etc.)
3)Find a hobby. It's easy to make friends with people who share your interests.

As you start to build confidence in yourself, you will find it easier to open up to others. Good luck, just know that you are not alone ... many people struggle with your same issue.

Answer 4

hey girl you sound alot like me I just turned 27 and I am getting a little better. I really really know what you are talking about. I think the problem is low self esteem and social anxiety. Have you tried talking to a doctor? you could get on xanex or lexapro or something. the other thing is just making yourself get out there around people. Church, volunteering,work, yoga class? I cant really talk cause I moved to this town 6 years ago and mostly still just talk to my husbands family and his best friends wife. I'd love to meet a really close friend. been a long time since I ve had that. Do you ever try to pretend to be confident? You need to retrain your thinking start thinking about what you are good at what you like about yourself get a hobby try to be proud of yourself for the little accomplishments you make. And dont be so hard on yourself. Good Luck I'm sure you are a really nice person. Its crazy how much I know what you are talking about I 'm starting to think alot of people feel that way. They are just as worried what you think about them as you are. blah blah blah okay I'll shut up now but I hope i was helpful.

Answer 5

wow, I feel kind of the same. I like eating lunch alone, and read or something, but I get lonedly sometimes and I don't know.

I would sugest to go do what you like and you will make friends that way. For example: I like math a lot so I joined the mathletes club at my school and I made friends and had a lot of fun.
So, if you like kids try working at a daycare or in the kids section of the library. Just do what you like, don't go out with the purpose of making friends and you will.
When you do what makes you happy you will find people that like the same thing too.
*potential friends*

Good luck, and don't be afraid to be friends that are confident because they may be scared of some things as well.

Answer 6

Hi Mya. My name is Alvaro and I'm a soldier in the United States Army. I would recommend that you get on a serious workout program for a few months and then join the Army. The PT(Physical Training) Test consists of Push-ups, Sit-ups and 2 Mile Run. There are alot of girls in the Army. Don't be too desperate for a date. First make sure to define who and what you are, what you believe and stand for. Aim for a decent guy, not for someone who just wants to have fun.
http://www.amazon.com/Arnolds-Bodyshaping-Women-Arnold-Schwarzenegger/dp/0671424793/ref=sr_1_/104-9309977-0351157?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180140141&sr=8-1

Answer 7

Honey I feel for you because you are my namesake...yes i too share the name Maya or in your case mya. Anywho, this shyness has got to stop....like yesterday. baby girl you are beautiful. I wear a size 16 in my pants and I am as confident as a male peacock! The secret that all "confident" people have is the belief that they are worthy of good things. You are worthy of the best this life has to offer. No one is lower then anyone. Although we are not the same we are all equal and we all deserve love and kindness and respect. Stop acting like the world's rag, honey. You say you are good with kids why don't you look for work in daycare? duh. you will be terrific at it. Don't worry if you get rejected the first couple of times just dust your shoulders off and get back into the game we call life. As for meeting buddies, girl don't you know that when you smile and say hi, you will meet two types of people: the ugly people who think that they are too good to say hello and the cool kind ones who are nice. Its the kind ones that you want in the longrun..trust me. ONE THING IS FOR SURE: you can't live your life as a snail always under its shell...be brave be beautiful...everything you crave is inside you just smile and get out there.

Answer 8

Don't try so hard and pursue interests that you like. Joining a club or volunteering to help people can not only be a useful activity to build self esteem and redirect your concerns from yourself to others, it can be a way of meeting people. Sometimes you can find these organizations through Churches.

Answer 9

You have to build some confidence/arrogance. The most arrogant people are public speakers; people comfortable with a crowd. Get into public speaking/acting classes. You will be forced to become less shy. Then get into some type of physical activity.

Answer 10

Why not you join like a Drama Club or just an ordenery club , the drama one will get your confedence up , and dont change your looks , it doesent matter if you are a little fat , i am a little fat aswell , trust me you will get freinds and a date sometime soon , i would highly recomend at club of some sort

Good Luck :D