When neither want to work it out...been there before?

Question

I feel like we both have given up and I am open about my feelings with my husband. He knows exactly what went wrong, yet he does not take a responsibility of his contribution to our marital problems. We live like housemated, who care about each other, but past issues never been resolved and seems like a sexual chemistry never really existed. I don't blame him, I know my own flaws and at least admit to them. I am just sad that instead of being honest he would keep it all quiet and pretend that everything is great. I am not working at the moment and he tells me that I should be grateful that he is "being nice", that he takes care of me. What is the alternative? What if he was sick or unemployed? I would then take care of him and would not even think that I am going an extra mile. Anyway, what do you do with the husband, who keeps being defensive and unwilling to have an adult discussion about where we are and what we want?!? Tried counselling - no desired change.

He manipulated me in the past by not being honest whether he wanted or not kids. Meanwhile we grew apart in all senses. Then I ended up having an affair (silly me, thinking it was a solution). I still can't belive I married a man, who did not think I was good enough to have kids with...

just that little thought at the back of my head - what if I will miss my good chance for a happy family with him?

Answer 1

then divorce and start a new
whats the big deal
remember you came in to the relationship with flaws
as did he
and in the beggining both of you overlooked ( or more like temperarily forgave ) such flaws, and now it come to the surface fully and it must be dealt with, either you accept it or you don't
there is no grey areas when dealing with core values
there are his values and yours
and ideally they should mesh up

Answer 2

If you're waiting for a man to admit his guilt or flaws in a relationship, you're going to be an old lady by then. Sounds like things went stagnant on both parties and neither one wants to try to make it better. You lived with him and know how he is and if he will/can change. Sounds doubtful to me, but you know him. It takes both the sun and the rain to make a rainbow, so take it from there. Email me if you'd like for more advise or help.

Answer 3

Had one and now we're divorced. I was the blame for everything in our marriage. He refused to think it could have been him too. Find you a job and get away from him. He will make you feel useless and like your not a person. I lived almost like you did until finally I had no more life left in me to live with someone who demanded this and that from me, but refused to be a husband, instead I was someone who was just there do for him. I left bruised and felt like I would never get my self-esteem back, but I'm here to tell you us women are stronger then men give us credit for.

Answer 4

I say, secure a job, and then file for divorce.

Your marriage is broken.

There's no underlying trust, no passion, none of the things that make living and loving exciting! You deserve to be happy, and so does he.

If you really love someone, you will let them go on to better things. So, secure your future, and lovingly let him go.

Then get yourself a nice little sweetie on the side when the ink's dry!

Answer 5

You are wasting valuable time that you will never get back. What the hell are you afraid of? Get a job, make your own living and say "good bye, babe." Sue for child support and face a future....as it is, you have NONE. Good luck and peace.

Answer 6

So what's the question?? You know exactly what to do.........don't ask others for validation of your decision hon. All you need to do is file the paperwork and get it over with.

Answer 7

My advice...get a job and move out. You need to get on with your life. Be with someone who loves you and that you love. i usually do not suggest divorce but in your case, ask yourself, "What am I fighting for?"