what should i do?

Question

The other day i came home early from work and my husband didn't work that day, didn't know i was coming home early. When i was pulling into our driveway i saw him coming out of the neighbors house fixing his belt, our neighbor is a women about 30 years old. I asked him over dinner what he was doing and he told me the truth. He said that he and the neighbor have been having sex for like 3 months now. Then he said they wanted me to join them. I really love him we have been together since high school. He said this was the first time he's ever cheated on me. I don't want to leave him but he keeps insisting that we have a threesome. What do you all think?

Answer 1

If your husband was interested in a threesome, he should have asked you BEFORE initiating contact with someone else. He is manipulating you. He's trying to confuse you and deflect attention off of what he's done, which is to break a trust that's been built up for years.

It doesn't sound to me like he's showing remorse, guilt, or even empathy for your feelings right now. He wants you to join the skank next door!

Let them have eachother. They'll see how boring the affair is when it's no longer illicit.

Answer 2

HOLY CRAP!

Your husband has huge stones for being that upfront about it. Sorry....off point.

I take it as a huge sign of disrespect that he would 1. Cheat on you. 2. Do it with a neighbor. 3. Be smug about it. 4. AND THEN ASK YOU TO JOIN IN!

I know you don't want to leave him, but if you stay you are showing signs of tolerance towards this type of behavior. Whats next? And hell...what about diseases and stuff? How sh*ty is that...to have to use a condom for fear that your spouse could give you an STD.

I don't know you from Eve, but I can tell you that you deserve better. You have your heart in the right place, and you should be commended for wanting to work through your martial problems...but I don't see how this can work out if he continues this. There are plenty of GOOD men out there that would love to have a good hearted woman as a partner.

Good luck, really hope things work out for you for the best.

Answer 3

It depends what wife you want to be. If you want to do the threesome, your marriage is over, either now, or in the near future.
If you want him, and can ignore his cheating, try it, although it is too close for comfort. You could ask for marriage counseling, although he would view it as easily as you view his requests. You may separate, and he can choose his preferences. He is a wanderer.
If he is a professional, I know women whom accept this, if they have several children, as they know the man will never leave them, normally. And they talked about it, and she is a neighbor of theirs. The wife put her foot down, and said not more than once every three months. It takes all kinds.

Answer 4

Girlfriend....first of all when he cheated on you he broke the rule of marriage. He committed infidelity and even though you love him; he sure didn't show you that he love you by cheating on you especially for the past 3 months. I call cheating a deal breaker in any kind of relationship. You will be treated the way you allow others to treat you and if you allow this kind of action in your marriage; then you shouldn't complain about the marriage to someone else. Second of all; he had the balls to ask you to do a threesome after he cheat on you and when he say that this is the first time he cheated on you ; I wouldn't believe it since he waited after 3 months to tell you. This is your choice of what you're going to do but in my point of view; the day he cheated; he broke his vows to you and that should say something to you.

Answer 5

I think he was wrong to cheat on you, and in my book cheating is never acceptable. If this is something you can forgive, then do. And if a threesome interests you and the woman is attractive you can suggest that the only time he can be with her is when you are there as well, if that seems ok to you. On the other hand you can tell him NO you are not interested and if he continues seeing her/pressuring you, you WILL leave him.

Answer 6

i am a military wife and there is alot of cheating and threesomes that go on. And of all the people i knew who were willingly doing threesomes, all of them divorced their spouse sooner or later. The human heart can pretend that they are liberated in these matters, but i believe there is no denying our basic interest like jealousy. Or maybe the problem was that the spouse wanted freedom, and hoped that by spicing up the marriage things would work out. My advice to to follow your heart and only do things that benifit your relation with yourself and your heart. Also remember there is a difference between cheating and having an affair. this sounds like an affair. good luck.

Answer 7

Don't do it! That will make you a doormat! What a selfish thing for him to ask! I would slap my husband upside his head if he did that! Are you SURE this is the first time? If you don't like what he is doing.......tell him to stop! If he does.........maybe you can work things out. If he won't stop........I know it's hard, but you have to leave now before you get hurt worse. Even if you don't think it will effect you now or in the future....it will. That can cause all kinds of problems in the marriage.

Also, I think saying yes to it will let him think he can go be with any woman because his wife is "cool" with it. Don't open a can of worms for yourself. Don't do it! Good Luck, and God Bless!

Answer 8

Nothing wrong with a threesome, but this isn't the way anyone goes about it. He is cheating, plain and simple. Swinging (and a threesome is technically swinging) is not about cheating, it's about sharing your already wonderful relationship and sex life with others. Cheating is about fulfilling your fantasies without your spouses knowledge or willing consent, which is what he's done.

Answer 9

Aren't you the good wife to let your hubby do the neighbor while you bring home the bacon and think about joining them. This is why this group is here. It's Springer on line. Go for it. Now I want to go do my neighbor.

Answer 10

ok dump him! i know it will be hard but don't waste your life messing around with him. he is not worth it if he wants to have a three some. no way! what are you thinking don't fall for it! don't let yourself get any more hurt than you already are. just leave and i know there is a way better guy that is around the corner that would never ever think of doing that to you or anyone. you just have to keep your heart open and free. good luck! and god bless you! :)