I have only been married a year and feel like I no longer love my wife?

Question

I have known my wife a long time but we started seeing each other only 2 years ago and married in March 2006. I had never married & have no children, we yalked about having children and that is why we got married.
My wife had delibrately let me believe that her first child was from a relationship that "was made in heaven" and she had personally chosen her partner because he was so perfect. However after we had decided to get engaged she dropped the bombshell that in fact he was married with two children and he had left his wife and children to be with her.
Two years before that her previous 4 year relationship to another married man with children ended when he committed sucicide leaving his wife and children alone.
After leaving the father of her son of 15 years she had an affair with a married builder working in her house and used guessed yes behind his wife's back and risking his marriage and family too.
She has a 6 year old daughter to a dropout who she slept with while drunk

she then thought it would be a good idea to keep this guy around and we are always in bother with the police because of trouble he causes, he even kidnapped the 6 year old before our foreign holiday in Florida.
I feel like I have lost all respect for my wife because of her past and the fact she tried to hide it knowing it would upset me. Now she makes constant references to dropouts like her last partner as if to say she made a huge mistake, I wish she would leave it alone. She makes a big deal of the fact that I ask her to observe some simple rituals like trying to have family meals and to have her children behave and show some basic manners as these were values I was taught and respect but she refuses and this just adds to the feelings I have about not being happy in our relationship. I only wish I could love and respect my wife but her past ruins it for me and the fact that she cannot see that because the house is in such upheavel it makes me extrememly unhappy that love will not

Sorry I am a man. Just realised my wife had kidnapped my Yahoo profile to post questions herself so call me Mr Mermaid then and ignore the female pic.
You can look at my wife's other questions and you will see how economical with the truth she is when it comes to why i am so upset.

Just to say thank you for your replies.
Im his wife.
I am not a homewrecker ,but yes I was evil and bad ,it was all 15 to 20 years ago.I wanted a chance to have a happy stable life for my children.He seemed like the one, he promised all that. He cant show love to me or my children,my little girl would love it if he did.

Also I stayed with my daughters father and did not just 'sleep with a dropout when I was drunk' how evil to say that, I tried to make things work for my daughter but he was physically abusive to me. I liked my daughters dad but he turned out to be completely different to the person I thought he was.

Kazy I did not decieve him ! I told him all about my past because he asked me to tell him everything, I just didnt tell him straight away because I didnt want to frighten him off ! But it was before we got engaged and I fully expected him to say it was over, Instead he beged me to marry him promising he would change

'After leaving the father of her son of 15 years ' !
My son was 3 , he is 15 now, I split from his dad because he turned out to be an alcoholic and still is 15 years later, but he was a nice guy, He couldnt support me and my son and used all my money for drink, so I was better of on my own

Sick fed up with the way you try to dress it up, you are the one that told it that way !! So a drop out living in a caravan on your campsite on DHSS and working that you had known about for 2 years and already had left two partners and children and who you had seen being violent was they guy you selected to father your child ?? What a load of crap, tell it like you used to, you slept with him on and off for a month when you were both drunk and you got pregnant !!!

Answer 1

It is ok for you to be angry about her past as she was not honest with you from the beginning about them.

if you are wanting to try to save the marriage I would say definitely go to marital counseling. You will find out if she is willing to work on the problems you both are having.

but if you are just so disgusted with her past and cannot get over it, then leave and get a fresh start in finding someone who you will be happy with.

Answer 2

Firstly if you're not in love no more and that's fine tell you're wife and go you're separate ways. As for this other woman don't go there she has a child from before and that's hard to handle if you're not ready for it. The fact that you met up with her behind you're wife's back is really deceitful and im guessing that if she had made a move on you at that time you would of done the deed. Same with this new bird she should leave her bloke if she's not happy dnt really think she should be confiding in you she should be telling her bloke as they have a child together. Rebound relationships rarely work you just would of left a serious relationship why jump into another one straight away and with a child. Enjoy being single for a while enjoy being by yourself then you will be able to love again. good luck xxx

Answer 3

The past is the past and should be left there. You know the truth about your wifes past and it hasn't been perfect but we all make mistakes. One year into a mariage is always a difficult time, your choices are:- call it a day or sort it out, no-one else can do it for you. I'm not a great fan of mariage guidance but it may be worth giving it a go. Contact RELATE from you phone book and get an appointment if you want this to work.

Answer 4

Normally, especially when children are involved no matter who the biological parent might be, I would advise giving the marriage time to recover - a year or maybe more. However, it's clear your relationship has broken down so far I wonder only why you hesitate. Maybe she can have a different relationship and hopefully a happier future, but this is almost certainly not going to happen with you, so for all your sakes, ask only why you should stay.

Answer 5

The past is the past. We all have one. I have been married 30 plus years and know most of her past. She loves me and I her. As long as she is not stepping out on you don't worry about the past. Trust is everything and without it you are sure to fail. Show your LOVE by showing your trust. Remember marriage is not easy, good times as well as bad will come and go but true love is forever. There is just us in the house now. Our boys have moved out and found there own loves. Just my wife and me at home getting ready for old age and the time we have after our work life. It has been worth every second of everyday the only past I look back on is the one we had together raising our boys and being a family.

Answer 6

i've read the other questions that you say your wife asked on your profile and really the only advice possible for both of you is to try and settle a divorce asap...
you can both open up to strangers on line but not to each other..a good relationship/marriage is based on trust, communication and love and to be honest it doesn't sound like there is any of these any more for you two...
you obviously thought you could cope with knowing things about your wifes past but you can't, best to call it quits now before it's even more painful for you both and her children.

Answer 7

okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
So you're the type of guy that wants to sleep with prostitutes & have even been with a married woman yourself [according to your wife] yet you want to marry a virgin.....Your past can be as it is, but your wifes must not....is that it?

For gods sake man, we all [well you & your wife do] have a colourful past....but, it's the past. let it go & go forward together or get the hell out of her life & let her get on with the task of rearing her children.

She's certainly right when she says she's not very good at choosing guys......you both have your different views. We don't know either of you [thank god] so can hardly make an informed opinion on what you should or shouldn't do for your futures....stop posting on here, the pair of you, you're not out for help or suggestions as to how to improve things for your family.....

You're both on here to score points, to see which is the biggest b.itch......

It's the kids I feel really sorry for here. between the pair of you, I reckon you'll both do a brilliant job at bringing up 2 very insecure & dysfunctional human beings......
well done! [she say's sarcastically]

Answer 8

You never know anyone untill you marry them. I don't see how you can even be in the same house with her. Shes has alot of problems. If it was me i would start looking for a place to live&grt out of there. If she did this with other men what makes you think she won't do the same thing to you? I dated my last husband 2 years before we married him & thought I knew him too, after we were married a few months he told me something about hiself that blew me away. I stayed with him untill he died in Oct 03. Big Hugs to YOU STAR

Answer 9

It sounds like both of you need to call it quits. Judging from all of the posts under this name, you are an uptight control freak and she is a homewrecker. It sounds like poetic justice to me. You were aware of her past before you married her. So don't come here asking for sympathy. For the sake of the kids involved, you go your way and let her go hers.

Answer 10

You two should have done more talking before getting married. We all make mistakes in life and she has made her share fair of them, but why judge someone you claimed to have loved and took as your wife. She told her this if I understand correctly when you two got engaged, why didn't you get out then instead of creating a whole new problem of marrying her? So, she use to like married men, but hasn't she changed since then? If your right about not loving her anymore then get out now before any children are born to this marriage. Next time ask millions of questions and get your answers before committing to someone.