When my wife and I were still dating, there were times when I would be on the phone with her and I hear her scrubbing the tubs in their family house (where she used to live with her brothers). But when we got married, she bearly ever touches the bathtubs. I have two jobs, come back home, fold her clothes, vacuum, pay majority of the bills, wash the bathrooms, take out the garbage and do any type of maintenance work round our apartment. It is VERY tiring and I feel really used. When I asked her why she never cleans the bathtubs and remind her about how she used to tidy up in their house, she says "I did that because I was the only girl in my house." There have been times when I come home after both jobs (around 11pm) and meet a messy place which I end up cleaning up. Meanwhile she only has one job and just goes to the gym after work. I have spoken up about this, but she seems to take it for granted that it has caused alot of inner resentment in me. Did she put on an act to marry?
2007-05-25 11:42:18 · 16 answers · asked by Blk Angel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no. there was no act. She just doesn't want to clean and she may even be kind of lazy. Just stop cleaning up and quit doing her laundry and her dishes and quit cleaning up her mess. She will learn quickly that your not a maid.
2007-05-25 11:46:34 · answer #1 · answered by nicoleblingy2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is she still the only female in the house? I'm confused why she would answer that way unless you are also female. Since you have brought this to her attention and she won't do anything, then you don't do anything either. Don't fold and put away her clothes, wash only the dishes you use, pay only your bills, clean the bathroom as you use it.
I don't think she put on an act. I think she cleaned because she was made to do it, now that she's married and out of the house, she sees herself as liberated and doesn't want to do it anymore, but that doesn't mean you have to pick up her slack either. Stop doing it for her and eventually, she will do it herself. If she doesn't then, you either have to learn to live in a dirty house, clean it yourself, or divorce her.
2007-05-25 18:57:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She isn't putting on an act. She told you the truth. She said, she cleaned "because I was the only GIRL in my house". She's no longer the only girl in her house because she feels like she's married to a girl. Afterall, look how you behave? You indicate that you "fold her clothes, vacuum, pay the majority of the bills, wash the bathrooms, take out the garbage and do any type of maintenance........". Stop it! In fact, it sounds so good to me, I think I want to marry a girl. Are you available?
2007-05-25 20:47:37 · answer #3 · answered by Sondra 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to tell her how you have a lot of built up resentment towards her because of the lack of helping out around the house.
Be stern and tell her you are both partners in this marriage and it is not fair for her to leave the majority of the housework to you.
If she still won't do it, then make up a chore chart... tell her the things around the house you EXPECT her to do.
2007-05-25 20:06:38 · answer #4 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let her know how you feel and tell her something needs to give. with you working two jobs and have to come home to that i would be pissed off. at least have dinner ready and the house some what tidy. to me she sounds lazy. I have a demanding job and i work 10-13 hours a day and come home and cook,clean,give kids baths it never ends. either tell her how you feel or ask to leave your not her slave. your her husband.
2007-05-25 19:13:19 · answer #5 · answered by lost 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try sitting her down and telling her how this makes you feel. Ask her to share in the chores, also something that works is trading them every other week. If she works one job and you two the least she can do is help around the house. Remind her she is the only woman there too.
2007-05-25 18:58:35 · answer #6 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need some real marriage counselling here. The relationship of a marriage is shared responsibilities these days. Both have to pitch in the marriage and the chores. Its a given to share what has to be done. She needs help. In our house hold we both help with everything and sometimes do the chores together so we spend time together to.
2007-05-25 18:55:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was in a marriage like that my husband worked full time i work part time he never lifted a finger around this house or wouldnt even mow my grass he was very lazy with a capital l so i left him notes to do his dishes he said it was my job and i paid alot of the bills and now we are threw i like living on my own and i only have to pick up after my son and i gl to ya sounds like she is lazy
2007-05-25 19:01:21 · answer #8 · answered by jewels 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What real incentive is there for her to clean up when someone else is willing to do it if she just lets it slide a little. Maybe she didn't used to get away with being lazy. Maybe it's time to define some ground rules.
2007-05-25 19:22:27 · answer #9 · answered by Ian S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your wife that she is now the only wife in the house and you expect her to keep things tidy. No more excuses. Stop folding her clothes and all that crap. If she's not willing to keep the house clean for her husband, she's not the woman for you.
2007-05-25 20:48:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋