Recently divorced and wanting to move out of town...?

Question

I'm recently divorced and I live in Iowa. I moved 300 miles across the state after the divorce was finalized. I was thinking about moving to Texas where my Aunt lives with my kids. I was being nice and was going to talk to my ex-husband about it. He than stated that he can get it where I would have to move back to my original city. Saying that his lawyer said that he could get it where I have to move back to the original school district. I don't know any of the laws in Iowa but can I be told I can't move? Or even better can it be told that I have to move back to the original city? My ex husband is a complulsive liar so I never know what to believe. He plays alot of mind games...so anyone that can help me out with any information on this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I would like to thank the people who already answered. But I would like to address an issue. I was trying to talk nice to my ex husband about why I think the kids and I should move there. I have always tried to keep the communication open with him. He was the one that got upset instantly. I DO put my children way before anything I want! My ex husband and his girlfriend has a confirmed case of child neglect concerning my children. I love my kids and would protect my children with everything I have. So if any of you think I am selfish about moving out of state, I am sorry but that is not true. I give every moment to my kids that I can with my needs set aside. And no I am not using my kids as pawns. Never have. Thanks all for your advice and comments. :)

Answer 1

I don't know Iowa law, but in Illinois, that kind of thing is written as a clause into each custody agreement. Does yours have a clause about that? My husband's custody papers, for example, call for both parents to remain in the county.

What I don't understand about your question is how talking to your children's father regarding the move, but getting mad when he says he's not happy about it is 'being nice'. It sounds more like you're being childish & demanding, treating your children like they are your possessions instead of being a good co-parent to them, making the sacrifices that parents make every day for the benefit of their children.

There are lots of things I'd like to do in life, things that might make my days easier, but I can't, because I've made a commitment to my children. This move that you're thinking about sounds like one of those things.

Answer 2

Each answer which told you to just move has advised you not only to break the law, but also put the custody of your children in danger.

In fact the poster is already in violation of the existing court order.

In re Marriage of Perry discusses at length the impact of a possible future interstate relocation by one parent on child custody in an original custody order:

The right of interstate travel is a basic constitutional freedom. Memorial Hosp. v. Maricopa County, 415 U.S. 250, 254, 94 S. Ct. 1076, 1080, 39 L. Ed. 2d 306, 312 (1974). Any infringement upon the fundamental right to travel must be justified by a compelling state interest. Id. at 258, 94 S. Ct. at 1082, 39 L. Ed. 2d at 315. While the court cannot foreclose in advance the right of a custodial parent to move elsewhere, it can set forth provisions to protect the rights of the non-custodial parent in such an event. In re Marriage of Welbes, 327 N.W.2d 756, 758 (Iowa 1982).

To temper the custodial parent's decision to move following the entry of a dissolution decree, Iowa Code section 598.21(8A) provides that a move one hundred fifty miles or more from the residence of the child at the time of the original decree may be considered a substantial change of circumstances. Iowa Code § 598.21(8A) (2001).

The purpose of this section is to maintain the relationship of the child with the non-custodial parent. In re Marriage of Williams, 589 N.W.2d 759, 762 (Iowa Ct. App. 1998).
The trial court is obligated to make a decision on physical care based upon the facts existing as of trial, not on speculation on "whether a parent may move at some future date." The remedy for the non-custodial parent if the custodial parent later does in fact relocate is to file a modification of the dissolution decree. See, Iowa Code § 598.21(8A).

What that means for the poster is that she has given the ex grounds to seek a modification of custody, grounds to file a motion to show cause for contempt and a significant change in circumstances sufficient to ask the court to not only change custody but at the least to alter visitation and/or support to recover the funds expended to exercise visitation post move if allowed.

SPECIAL NOTE TO GYPSEY:

I suggest you go to law school. While you are correct that no one can tell the poster where she can live, the court can very well tell her where the children will live or, if she refuses to follow the court order, take the children from her.

The moment a couple file for divorce the welfare of the children falls under the control of the court.

Answer 3

Yes, a judge can state that you cannot move more than 50 miles from the city you lived in when you got divorced. It's so the father will also be able to see the kids and participate in their lives too. He could even petition the court to limit who can and cannot spend the night with you when the kids are present if he wants to and it's up to the judge whether to grant it or not.

Answer 4

Generally you cannot be told where you can reside. Sometimes you may be limited as to how far away you can take the kids and for how long, although that doesn't seem like an issue here. To set your own mind at ease - discontinue being nice to the ex, quit talking to him and call your lawyer for a sure answer.

Answer 5

I haven't read any of the answers given, but I can assure you that moving your kids away from your EX is NOT a horrible/irresponsible/selfish thing to do.... If what's best for the kids is to be away or distanced from him, then so be it.

Do yourself a favor though, check out the state laws in Iowa or check with legal aide. They'll be able to tell you. And I'm pretty certain that in order for you to be barred from taking the kids out of state he HAS to be able to prove WHY moving them would be such a horrible thing. How that would harm the children.

PS: I don't blame ya from wanting to move from Iowa....it's as bad as Nebraska. ;)

Answer 6

if you to share custody then yes he can make it to where you can not move. you need to get a lawyer and have the lawyer fully explain it to you. don't let him get away with it. get the best lawyer you can and fight for what you want. the lawyer will be on your side you need to explain why you divorced him and why you are wanting to move away from him but if your kids are old enough to talk the judge may ask them do they want to move away from there dad. you need to do whats best for your kids and then you. your kids should always come first. go through the yellow pages and find a lawyer or even mothers rights lawyer there the best and they make sure that the kids are in good hands hope this helps.

Answer 7

I think you should start looking for legal advice immediately!
Find out if he's right or not, so you can see what you need to do.
If you know your husband is a liar and a manipulator, don't wait any longer and get information ASAP. Your life and your kids' lives are at stake here.

Answer 8

I don't know, but why don't you call the district attorney where you live and ask them?

I personally have relatives that divorced and left the state with their children and it wasn't a problem.

Answer 9

In California, yes, he could, and it works that way in Arizona, too. But when my brother's ex just up and left the state, there wasn't much he could do about it, unless he wanted to pursue the matter with$$ and attorneys and the rest of it. She left Arizona, and finished raising the kids in California. My brother chose not to fight her, and they worked out visitation stuff. So, my suggestion is do what you want, and leave.... make him come after you if you want out..... what's he gonna do? shoot out your tires???

Answer 10

First let me say STAR