He has started writing down instances when her outbursts occur (she'll curse at their 8-year-old for nothing) and he wants the kid to live with him and for her to just get visitation after the divorce. What other steps should he take to make a better case for this? He feels it would be damaging for the child to live with her most of the time (plus, he's very close to this child-- it's the only reason he's stayed married this long). Any help, especially from a lawyer, would be appreciated.
2007-05-25 10:35:13 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unless there is some outside witness, it can to easily turn into "he said she said". Your best bet is to get a third party involved, a counselor, a teacher someone. An eight year old is old enough to have told someone about the mom if she is really that bad. If he is still married, tell the wife that the child needs to see a therapist then try to find one sympathetic to fathers. A good lawyer can help you find one. Do continue to document outbursts. In some cases tapes or videos can be used but state laws vary on this so see a lawyer first.
In the meantime be a very involved dad. Make sure the teachers know him, coach sports etc. He needs to be seen by others as close to the child. Relatives can help some, but most judges expect your relatives to back you up. You need people outside the family to be willing to testify or tell the child investigator about what a great dad he is.
The good news that in general dads are getting more chance of being the primary parent. They still have a hard time in places but much better that 15 years ago.
2007-05-25 17:51:41 · answer #1 · answered by buffsblg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Documenting everything is excellent. Also, he should have friends also document anything they see, write a letter to the court for the husband to take with him, and attach their list too.
Also, if this woman is vindictive, he should watch out for her upcoming attacks on him ... he will probably be accused of molesting the child or being gay. So, he needs to take special care that he does NOTHING (no matter how innocent) to give these types of accusations any weight.
Most of all, he needs to get his own attorney. Without one, he won't have a hope in hell of getting custody. Money cannot be an issue for this, even if he can't afford it, he HAS to find a way. And, he must do everything the court or the attorney ask him to do to prove that he is fit. It's not just about proving that the mother in unfit.
2007-05-25 10:57:20 · answer #2 · answered by frankiquilts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The KID!!! If his child testifies then he will win the case. But he must also know that this will have a huge affect on the kid. The kid will be cross-examined and must be prepared. It would nice if he could get evidence in addition to the kid's testimony such as a tape recording of her cursing at the child. Is there anyone in HER family who feels she's a threat and harm. If one person in her family sides with him then his chances are great. Tell him to be sure to expose all bones in his closet, because her lawyer will!
2007-05-25 10:41:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, not a good scenario for dad here. Verbal abuse is really hard to prove in a court of law especially when its between child and parent. Courts tend to believe parent more as children have been known to fall apart and just wanted to get back at that parent for something. So basically its his word against hers and hearsay wont work.You have to have concrete evidence of what was actually said and by whom to whom and exact dates and the real hard part is that was said actually harmed the boy mentally. Then it gets into the medical aspect of the mental harm, is he seeing a dr for it and what is the drs conclusion. What you need to regain custody from a mother is to prove her with real evidence, that she is unfit by child or drug/mental abuse (police an/or hospital/medical reports) and if you get that ruling by chance, then you sill have to prove that youre the best parent for the job instead of having the Judge place him in a foster home. Nothing is easy here. Your best bet here might be not to challenge mom but to actually go back to court and ask the Judge to let your son decide who he wants to live with. It may be a whole lot less dramatic but it just might work. Think about it because you have nothing to stand on in court from what Ive read. Good luck
2007-05-25 10:55:43 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very hard to prove verbal abuse and his written log, while potentially useful, is just going to sound like "he said/she said" to the courts. They hear stuff like this every day and have no way to tell what's true & what isn't.
Ask for a Guardian Ad Litem for your child. This is a lawyer who acts on your child's behalf. Ask the GAL to get parenting evaluations for both of you, with a child psychologist or social worker. Show the log to the GAL & the psych. Make sure your child knows that anything he shares with the GAL & psych is confidential - that neither you nor his mother will know what he said - that the GAL & psych are *his*, to make sure everything goes right for him & that he should trust them.
The GAL & psych will be more believable & influential to the courts than his logbook.
2007-05-25 10:57:17 · answer #5 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell the lawyer about the abuse. Also, have the child testify against his mother; If you tell it to the court , it just sounds like your animosity toward your soon to be ex wife coming out. Let your child tell his story to the judge. Everyone says the judicial system works for the mother; maybe in the '70's but that's changes dramatically.
2007-05-25 10:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just keep track of her verbal abuses and also in court go after child support. The fact that she is a woman/mother doesn't mean the child does't deserve child support.
2007-05-25 10:38:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Mom needs to be turned into Child Protective Services for mental abuse. The child is old enough to tell them what's going on and can probably get them out of there
2007-05-25 10:52:39 · answer #8 · answered by Pretty Girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he should think about anyone else thats around her when this happens and have them document what they see and hear if she's doing that.
a friend of mine is going through that now only the mom likes to take off for periods of time without a word. he's fighting to get their 2 boys and not having a lot of luck. his attorney told him document everything-when shes late with them for a doc app, i mean all of it!
tell your buddy good luck with it all
2007-05-25 10:40:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Recordings would help. Would probably even prevent the thing from going to court.
2007-05-25 10:39:59 · answer #10 · answered by ninebadthings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋