My boyfriend and I of one year recently broke-up, but got back together a few weeks later. He has been on his own for a long time and never been married (he's in his early 50's) He definitely has a problem compromising. Last year he didn't make much effort to do anything for my birthday, and wouldn't come with me to my family's for Thanksgiving or Christmas. He has no family in the area, and for Christmas he flew to the west coast to see his daughter. This I understand since I would never come between him and his daughter, but I don't think asking to spending time with me and my family for birthdays and holidays is too much to ask since it's a serious relationship. Now that were are back together he says if he compromises, then I have to compromise. He is demanding I get a car and a nicer apartment! Now - I live in a big city and don't need a car and I get myself to and from his house just fine, and he never comes to my apartment!! Whats up with this? I told him I think it's shallow..
2007-05-25 09:52:51 · 28 answers · asked by Dee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess it totally depends on your feelings for him and what you honestly believe his feelings are for you. I agree about making some compromises but you have to get beyond the "tit for tat" mentality and really know that you are prepared to give all. You should also feel that your partner is ready to do the same. If not, I can't see the relationship standing up to much stress in the long run.
2007-05-25 10:10:26 · answer #1 · answered by richyman7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, it seems that he is not only shallow but completely infatuated with himself. If holidays mean a lot to you, then he should recognize that and attend these events to make you happy. I don't think that showing up to a few parties a year constitutes as him "compromising." Also, it appears that he is concerned with material things and judges people by that standard. I don't see why he would have a problem with you not having a car, unless he drives you everywhere, which it seems like you take care of yourself. And the apartment? Oh geez, unless hes willing to help with the rent I would tell him to not worry himself about it!! Stand up for yourself and let him know you do not like being treated like a child and have demands thrown upon you. No offense, but I don't even know this guy and I don't like him!! You can do much better! In life its important not to settle if you are not happy. Go out there and find a genuine man who will treat you with respect and love you unconditionally, regardless of whether you have a car or not!!!!
2007-05-25 17:04:05 · answer #2 · answered by xxanneke22xx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably never comes to you apartment because he is uncomfortable there for whatever reason. Until he pays the bills it's not his call though. Same with the car.
There is a reason you broke up before. Don't forget that.
It seems like he wants a self reliant woman who can make her own life as good as he thinks it should be. If you are with him ,then hemust not be a bad guy. For the holidays and birthdays you may have to settle for telling him you want to go out to dinner for your birthdays/anniversaries. If you can get him morecomfortable with your family (get the guys to go fishing or something) he will more likely come to family functions if he has someone to connect with.
2007-05-25 17:04:09 · answer #3 · answered by Barbie K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't seem like you are asking much of him but him telling you that you should get a car and a nicer aparetment is very shallow and very wrong of him to ask you that. if he' never been to your apartment how does he know if it's nice or not. if you are in a relationship ya you should spend time together and do things together but asking you to get a car or a nicer apartment is just wrong. that is not compromise at all it's more like demanding that you need to do it instead. you should tell him how you feel about it and see what happens.
2007-05-25 17:02:59 · answer #4 · answered by thydarknight 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is missing is your and his financial status. Meaning, who has money, or just one does and the other not. For the age group you are talking about (and I am in that group), people are either very cautious about being ripped off or they need money so they target those who they exploit.
Sounds like he has an ego and is class conscious. If he has good income but doesn't come to see you at your current apt, doesn't it reflect this point. If he is not financially secure and you are, then he is plotting for you to put up more and more to make him materialistically comfortable.
If this is a serious relationship, you should be ready for his class conscious actions applied to your family members. People like that don't change easily so he won't change for you. He actually thinks he is doing you a favor.
2007-05-25 17:07:07 · answer #5 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go back to the breakup part. He has definite problems with compromise. He makes no effort to treat you with some common courtesy and respect. He doesn't want to be involved with your family. He expects you to cater to his imagined lifestyle.
Go back to the breakup part, hon, that was the comment that made the most sense out of the whole paragraph.
2007-05-25 17:09:20 · answer #6 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, kick him to the curb. He is not worth your time. If he is making these demands, I would give him the bills for the nicer apartment. He is shallow. There is someone out there for you that will want to spend time with you and your family. Move on with your life. Send him on his merry way. Good luck.
2007-05-25 17:03:31 · answer #7 · answered by Krissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry hun but why are you with him? If he wants a nicer apartment tell him to go get one and one that comes packaged with a nice car! Tell him to go and not come back. *** on let's be serious he is being totally unfair! He get's to do everything he wants go everywhere he wants to and when you suggest doing something he goes off on one! You can do much better for yourself no-one needs to be with someone like that honestly....
2007-05-25 16:59:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is controlling. Next thing you know he will be telling you to loose your friends, dump your family and live the way he wants you to live, under his control. You have a choice...either you do as he demands or you don't.
2007-05-25 17:42:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he offerning to buy a new car for you>> unless he is paying for it, then not for him to demand. If he has a problem with your car, then make sure he drives his. Your apartment?? well if he don't come over, then why even worry. Seems to me, he is looking at what you HAVE not who You are.
2007-05-25 16:58:14 · answer #10 · answered by ladysnoozer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋