Guys Help Please - Need Honest Answers?

Question

I am living in a situation that has been draining me for along time. My husband has cheated several times during our marriage, to the point where he decided that we needed an open relationship. I went along with it because I loved him. But it didn't seem to matter, things got worse, for the longest time, several years in fact, he spent all of his time w/friends, at the bar, or anywhere that wasn't home. He acted like he didn't care about his family. Finally, fed up with the whole senario, I became close friends with a neighbor. One thing led to another, and after months of being close we finally broke down and had an affair. My husband caught us. Now he is fuming because I cheated. But what about his request for an open relationship that he took advantage of? Why is it only good for him and not me? I have only stayed with him because of our daughter otherwise I would go and leave. I am just trying to figure out why I am the bad guy when I only did what he said was acceptabl

Answer 1

WELL TO BEGIN WITH YOU SHOULD NOT PUT UP
WITH SOMEONE CHEATING ON YOU. WHEN YOU
ARE IN A MARRIAGE THE TWO SHOULD BE
FAITHFULL TO EACH OTHER AND NOT STEP
OUTSIDE THE MARRIAGE. AND AS FOR HIM
GETTING UPSET CUZ HE DID WHAT HE DID TO
YOU AND YOU ARE NOW DOING IT TO HIM AND
HE DOES NOT LIKE IT , WELL YOU KNOW WHAT
TO F***** BAD. YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.,..
AND IF THE MARRIAGE IS UNSALVAGEABLE
WELL THEN IT IS NOT WORTH THE PAIN AND
TEARS OF MAKING IT WORK. HE SCREWED UP
NOT YOU... HE CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE HAPPY
YOU NEED YOUR HAPPINESS TO. THINK REALLY
HARD ON WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU NEED
TO TAKE CARE OF. YOUR DAUGHTER WILL UNDER-
STAND ONE DAY. JUST BE HONEST AND OPEN
WITH HER. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK AND
HOPEFULLY YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL
TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED.
BEST WISHES AND MANY BLESSINGS TO YOU AND
YOUR DAUGHTER.

Answer 2

This guy never really grew up and not the kind of guy you want to marry and have children with.

But nothing can be done to change that. You two are married and have a child. Both of you need to calm down and get friendly again. If there is conflict between the parents, the children will suffer more than anyone else. But don't be such a push over, your husband needs to be told no and I doubt he's the kind of person that would take no well, but tough--it needs to be done.

He's defiantly an egocentric person, and that's his problem. He's probably the kind of person that likes to dish the heat but doesn't want to take it. But you two are even now. You both cheated on each other. But for your daughter's sake you need to end this.

You and your husband need to find a way to love each other again, at least for your daughter's sake. Because if you two split up it's going to really have a detrimental impact on your daughter.

Answer 3

I think you are absolutely at no fault, and you should stop killing yourself over this.
Men can be real ******** sometimes.
He does not deserve you and clearlt has failed to recognize your loyalty to him for so long.
Now he is angry because you showed him his own face in the mirror and he is guilty of his behaviour, but men never admit they are at fault and offens the woman in order to defend themselves.
It is typical.
If I were you, I would have confidence in myself and let God find a way, praying to Him for guidance. I would not stand and take this abuse and accusations.
I understand that you are only ever thinking about your daughter and may not want to break away because you want to give your daughter a proper family, with both her mom and dad. But he is equally responsible for making sure your daughter gets a peaceful and happy home.
What would you rather like; her growing up in conflict and confusion or becoming a strong person who knows what's wrong and right because she has had the chance to live a peaceful life, which may be alone with you.
Think hard about it. Don't give up on your marriage. If he loves you enough he will realize he was at fault and turn back and apologize hopefully.
But don't make him feel like he is the victim and you the oppressor. Don't let him make you suffer.
Your daughter will take the most effect of all this tension. Take a break and let things cool down.
Wish you all the best.

Answer 4

To answer your questions:

1) What about the open relationship he requested? Hello, he suggested the open marriage, he sounds like a hypocrate. It's a typical case of you want what you can't have AND he wants his cake and eat it too. He had you tied around his little finger, he said "open marriage" because he probably had someone on the side anyway and figured you had nobody. When he finally discovered you actually were interested in someone, he gets jealous? Selfish, selfish, selfish.

2) Why is it only good for him and not you? It's not fair for it to be good for only him and not you. Again, selfish, selfish, selfish. He's taken you for granted, there's obviously communication breakdown, he doesn't talk to you anymore, doesn't share his thoughts, feelings, etc. Is he a good father? Doesn't sound like it if he's never home. Has he attempted to try marriage counseling before he asked for an open marriage? Doesn't sound like it. He sounds immature and selfish. And also sounds like he had taken advantage of your trust and love.

General thoughts: does he make an effort to work things out? Having an open marriage I believe isn't healthy for mature adults. The only situation where I see it being good is if both people are both VERY open and free, where it's their lifestyle, their culture, and neither party is getting hurt or left out. For instance if let's say, two hippie era people who are all about free love get married and they are spiritually connected but both believe in being free but still love each other and need independence and to have other relationships, both at the same time mutually. But in your case you went along with it to make him happy.

It isn't wrong of you to have become involved with the neighbor, it's only natural. He wasn't there for you. You found it in a friend/neighbor, someone who was there for you on a deep level. Emotionally your husband abandoned you. In his mind, in his actions even, he left you.

If you think there is a chance, and your husband has shown drastic improvement in his behavior and has "found" himself again then I'd say see a counselor, tell him exactly how you feel and hopefully he will listen to you and respect you.

BUT, it sounds like he's long gone. Why stay in it for your daughter if he's never around anyway?? Get out, stay away from him and heal with the support of your neighbor (if you think that is a special relationship) or on your own with friends. But live and learn whether you work things out or move on. Be strong and neutral with your daughter, life is hard sometimes and you work through it with the support of friends and family, but enough is enough.

Answer 5

Go and take your daughter with you. You're not doing her any good raising her in a home without love. Start seeing a counselor to help you determine what unresolved issues you may have that would ever make you agree to let the man who is suppose to love you run around having sex with other women. You probably have some guilt issues that need resolved too now that you've fallen into the trap of your husbands life style. What you have is sleeping arrangements and extra chores to do, he has a live in maid and mother for his child, what you don't have is a marriage.

Answer 6

Ur That Bad 'Guy' Cuz Your A Chick. Its Just How This World Works. Guys Sleep W/ 5 Chickss Hes Cool. A Girl Sleeps W/ One Shes A Whore.. Leave Him. Its The Best For You And Your Daugter. She Doesnt Need A Bad Influence Around.

Answer 7

You did the right thing, if he is not there and shows little interest why should you wait for him to come around. A daughter in the mix makes it harder. You need to think of what is best for her. Confront him and ask of his intentions as to where you are both headed, the same train or splitsville. Remind him that you played by his rules, and that this could have been a possibility. Did he ever cheat, and honestly admit it? You are not the bad guy, just the victim of the circumstances!!

Answer 8

Yes you are right. But I will tell you something else. You should have never accepted to be with a person who wants to have an open relationship within the marriage. Its just bad news! You should have left him and moved on. I guess now that he saw that other men (your neighbor) desires you and wants you, he is jelous of you and he wants you to be faithful. But everyone gets what they deserve. I hope things work out for you and this neighbor guy> get a divorce. Its better than putting your child through all of this. Get rid of that looser, youre worth much much more.

Answer 9

When your husband cheated did he cheat with people you know and have to face on a daily basis. I'm not saying that I condone cheating, but if my wife and I had an open relationship I would be pissed if she was sleeping with the neighbor. Every day I saw the guy I'd know that he was banging my wife.
Do you want an open relationship...if not leave. You should have left a long time ago.

Answer 10

Listen you need a divorce. Your husband is crazy. He allowed an open marriage and then got upset when you did what he said! You didnt even want it to begin with and now you are still not happy. Leave your husband nothing good could come from this relationship.