about shame?

Question

thoughts? when do you feel it? what causes it? thinking of myself, i've done some pretty foolish things. i mean my actions often fall short of my expectations for myself. i suppose the real question here is what do you do about shame?...

Answer 1

I think the intensity of shame that we feel as adults depends on how we were treated as kids by adults. Were you put in shameful situations a lot? For example, did your parents or other adults often put you on the spot, leaving you feel utterly small and embarrassed? Adults often use this method to use situations as a learning moment, completely disregarding how it's affecting a youngster emotionally. Shame is a very negative feeling and often leads to self blame and depression. I suggest that you accept the fact that those adults did what they did, because they didn't know any better. You are an adult now,... you don't have to feel this way anymore. Shake it off, because it isn't healthy. It's okay to have flaws. We are humans- not GOD. Only He is perfect.
What do I do about shame? I can't really tell you just like that, because I can't remember the last time I felt shame. Oh yeah, here's one: I planned to dance for my sister and her husband at their wedding. I flew to my native country to be present. When I got there, to my shock no one had a CD player. The CD I bought was brand new- and I was sure it was the right one. On the wedding day- at the reception, my name was called and I stepped on the stage. No kidding- to my biggest shock ever- the CD I bought had the wrong version on it. So, there I was ready to dance my dance. I had a choice to either tell everyone that I couldn't do it or do my best with the one that was playing. I chose the latter. It was a decision made within seconds. Although my performance wasn't how I wanted it to be, I'm glad I proceeded and pulled it off somehow. Yes, I felt somewhat ashamed that it wasn't an awesome performance- for my expectations anyway, but everyone told me afterwards that it was great.
That shame you are talking about is deeply rooted inside of you. Rip it out- will ya? ... so you can be happier.

Answer 2

I suspect most everyone has done "foolish" things, but the closest I, personally, could come to your word--"shame"--is regret? Then, if the "foolish thing" can be resolved, & I've learned from it, it's just blood under the bridge & best forgotten. I think that shame, like guilt, are not terminal! Only if we let them haunt us. If an action simply can't be resolved, in other words, if you did something to someone you'll never see again--& you truly "regret" it, it's likely you'll never do the same thing again. But the same applies--then put it behind you.

Answer 3

The only time I have felt shame is when for whatever reason I had the power to do better. And damn. Is so not a nice feeling. That is one thing I will always do is the best I can. One lesson of that is all I needed. And was something so trivial at the time. But it taught me for the rest of my life.

Answer 4

.....Shame is a feeling based on sadness because you regret acting badly, causing loss, pain, frustration or disappointment for others. Sometimes mixed is the fear that you might lose love, respect or friendship.

None of us is perfect. We may try to act responsibly and well, but we sometimes make mistakes, for all kinds of reasons. To live the rest of your life in a happy, productive way, you can't be burdened by past mistakes. You need to move on.

Doing that usually involves the following...
- Apologizing
- Accepting responsibility for your actions
- If appropriate, making amends
- Learning from the mistake
- Resolving to act differently in the future, to avoid making this mistake again
- Acknowledging that like everyone else, you aren't perfect
- Forgiving yourself

If you approach shame this way, you can get over it and feel good about yourself again. You can never forget, and there are always consequences, but you can get past it and move on.

Answer 5

berate myself for a few days, say sorry if I can, forgive myself knowing I am just human and vow to try better.....shame is a wonderful thing in that real people feel it, a person that can feel shame can grow and do better it is those that feel no shame we need worry about

Answer 6

I have been barest have regrets.But have never feeled shame unless me been shamed of someone else actions.In which i walked away never being in her company again.A person should know how to act around others not to be in that situation

Answer 7

So the super Dane is on the vets, finding glum... The dogs next to him says "You look glum - what's incorrect?" the super Dane tells the story, and says "and So now my mistress is having me castrated" Cor! says the different dogs... same element got here approximately to me... "and you're being Castrated too? asks the super Dane No...... ..... i'm having my nails clipped! says the dogs.

Answer 8

Shame is the consciousness or awareness of dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. Genuine shame is associated with genuine dishonor, disgrace, or condemnation. False shame is associated with false condemnation as in the double-bind form of false shaming; "he brought what we did to him upon himself". When people feel shame, they focus on the self--they often feel powerless, worthless or exposed.
Shame-prone people are more prone to anger and don't manage their anger constructively.

Shame in society:

Shame is also generally considered one pillar of socialization in all societies.

Shame is enshrouded in legal precedent as a pillar of punishment and ostensible correction.

Shame has been linked to narcissism in the psychoanalytic literature. It is one of the most intense emotions. The individual experiencing shame may feel totally despicable, worthless and feel that there is no redemption.

Shared opinions and expected behaviours that cause the feeling of shame (as well as an associated reproval) if violated by an individual are in any case proven to be very efficient in guiding behaviour in a group or society.

Shame is a common form of control used by those people who commit relational aggression. It is an important weapon in marriage, family, and church settings. It is also used in the workplace as a form of overt social control or aggression.

Toxic shame:

Psychologists often use the term 'toxic' shame to describe false, and therefore, pathological shame. Therapist John Bradshaw states that toxic shame is induced, inside children, by all forms of child abuse. Incest and other forms of child sexual abuse can cause particularly severe toxic shame. Toxic shame often induces what is known as complex trauma in children who cannot cope with toxic shaming as it occurs and who dissociate the shame until it is possible to cope with.

Shamery (and shaming) is often associated with torture (see the psychology of torture). It is also a central feature of punishment, shunning, or ostracism. In addition, shame is often seen in victims of child neglect, child abuse and a host of other crimes against children. Parental incest is considered the ultimate form of shaming by child psychologists.

Shame vs. embarrassment:

Shame differs from embarrassment in that it does not necessarily involve public humiliation: one can feel shame for an act known only to oneself, but in order to be embarrassed, one's actions must be revealed to others. Also, shame carries the connotation of a response to qualities that are considered morally wrong, whereas one can be embarrassed regarding actions that are morally neutral but socially unacceptable (such as an accident). Another view of the difference between shame and embarrassment is that the two emotions lie on a continuum and only differ in intensity. The wish to sink into the ground and disappear from view, to hide oneself from eyes that witness one's embarrassment or humiliation is common to both.

Answer 9

when you blame someone for losing something and then you find it in your bag :O(
when you eat the last bit of cake that was left for an elderly relative but noone bothered to tell you :O(

when you say something is right bcause you read it on yahoo and then find out it isnt :O(