My Wife Goes out with her friends ALL the TIME!!!?

Question

My wife goes out all the time with her girlfriends. We have known each other for about 5 years now but have been married for 1 year. She goes out and spends the night with them every weekend. I tell her how i fell about it and she acts like it isn't a big deal. I really want to do more things together but when I suggest it, she blows it off. She says that she might be depressed but she only acts depressed towards me. Not to mention the girl that she meanly hangs out with, she also works with and sees everyday. What should I do to make her realize that i want her to stay home. (forget anything romantic, she hates stuff like that). And why does she get tired of me and not her friends?

Thank you all for your answers.
She was not like this until about 2 months ago. I tried talking to her about this and she keeps saying that it is her. We have only been married a year, but have lived together for about 3 years. Do you think that depression could be the answer? I really dont think she is cheating on me. I trust her on that.

Answer 1

A married woman does not spend the night outside of her home. Something is wrong. I would tell her that 1) this has to stop, now, and be prepared to back it up with action, ie you move out. 2) this has to stop, and you contact a minister or counselor and the two of you go see them. If she does not agree, you need to consider that her relationship with you is over and she needs to move out.

Answer 2

Well, there are plenty of reasons why she might do this, and no one really knows but her. Whatever the reason, it sounds like you have problems in your relationship that will have to be worked on if you are going to stay together. If she really is depressed, maybe she needs to see someone about that. What about a marriage counselor? Something about being home is making her unhappy and it's possible that she doesn't know the reason herself. Try not focusing on the negative--"please don't go out this weekend, you know it makes me feel bad, etc." Instead, talk to her at a different time, and find somewhere to go where you can both have some fun. Then, when you're both in a good mood, try talking more seriously, but not in a way that makes her feel cornered. Like "if you could change something about our relationship/life, what would it be?" Try to find a pleasant starting point to discuss what could be better in your lives, staying away from accusations and blame. You say she doesn't like a lot of romance, maybe she's just feeling a bit smothered and if so, that should be easily fixed. On the other hand, be ready to accept whatever she says calmly. It could also be a bit tougher to handle. Either way, remember, staying married is hard work, but it's worth it. That's hard to realize when you're going into it, but anyone who's been there will agree. And many will tell you, the first five years are the hardest because it takes a while--no matter how long you've known each other--to learn to live together, and to accept certain things about each other. Of course, she needs to remember that few husbands would put up with their wives partying all night somewhere. And rightly so. Still, go easy, at least until you finally understand. I have a feeling this kind of stuff is difficult for her. Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all. Make sure you don't have kids with this one. Things are bad enough as it is.

You really need to consider if this marriage might have been a mistake. This is not how marriages work. Not for very long at least. Divorce may be inevitable for you.

I had a friend that married a girl. On their honeymoon night she put pillows between them and told him to not even think about sex. And so it was for almost 5 years. She ran up credit cards, belittled him in front of friends and basically walked all over him until he had had enough.

My advice is to quietly check into a divorce. This is not how a marriage should be and she is disrespecting you for no reason. You are probably a very nice guy and she is using you for your income and that is all.
Cut your losses and get out while you can. And by all means DO NOT get her pregnant !!!!!!

Answer 4

She wants to go out and party and she is also staying the night with her friends on the weekend, not cool. As a chick I will tell you she is probably cheating also. You need to have a serious talk about marriage and tell her it will not be tolerated anymore. Try to get some counseling but if she chooses to still continue on this path you need to let her go. trust me I have known several girls that acted this way and the only reason they stayed married was for the security. when they were out with there friends they would tell other men how bad there husbands were to them just to get attention. You need to put a stop to it or leave the marriage before children are involved.

Answer 5

She would stop in a heartbeat if you started going out as much as she did. Sometimes people don't realize they're doing anything to hurt another person until it is done on to them. She is doing it because you let her. If you don't tell her that it bothers you then she will think there is no problem with it. And if you have told her that it bothers you then she had better come to an understanding about it---I know you are not trying to be the jealous, controlling type of guy and you don't want to push her away. Afterall, you have the rest of your lives to be together. But her actions may destroy that future if she doesn't slow it down a bit. COMMUNICATE!!!!! ;)

Answer 6

Something is not right with your marriage. Maybe she just wasn't ready for what married life is all about. Start hanging out with your guy friends all the time and see how she likes it. But no really, you should try talking to her again. Maybe suggest that you feel the marriage isn't going well and you want to figure out a way to make things better. If she can't talk to you seriously about it then she shouldn't have married you. Communication and compromise....married life!

Answer 7

She is being very selfish!! You need to explain to her what marriage is! You should be her #1 priority! If she isn't willing to change, there isn't much you can do other than deal with it or leave. Maybe you should consider scaring her a little bit. When she goes to spend the night with her friend, pack your stuff and leave a "Dear John" letter for her. One of two things will happen. She will realize how wrong she was, or she will be happy that you are gone. Either way, at least you will know.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Sorry, sounds a bit like she's cheating. This is how I acted towards my ex-boyfriend when I was cheating on him. Now that I found "Mr. Right" and we're engaged & live together, I have absolutely no desire to go out without him frequently. We have our own groups of friends and do things apart occasionally, but love means wanting to be around one another more often than not...

Answer 9

Do you think there could be someone else? Does she have a "girl" crush on the friend - hey, it happens. My ex-brother law's wife left him for another woman...Is she simply missing her "single" days and is tired of being married. Sadly, it happens. Sit her down & have a heart to heart with her. Tell her that you love her and you want to spend more time with her. Ask her point blank if she's happy and if she still wants to be married to you. You have the right to honesty.

I wish you the best...

Answer 10

Spending every weekend night away from home?

I don't know man, that sounds pretty terrible. I would suggest some couples therapy, sooner the better. You're obviously building up some resentment (with good reason) but you have to work to get rid of it somehow, either through working it out with your wife, or splitting up with her if she doesn't see eye to eye with you on this.