I have hurt my daughter in many ways - emotionally. I have not been there for her like a mother should have been.
She is 15 and I gave her Dad sole physical and legal custody during the divorce. She lives in another state.
I really don't know how to heal the relationship. She probably feels abandoned and alone since now her Dad moved away due to job reasons.
I feel very, very said when I hear other people at work talk abou how much they do for their children. She is a sweet, innocent child and did not deserve what she got in life.
I had not called her for some time. Yesterday, I spoke with her and she said its as if I don't care and not normal.
She is right that my actions are not correct. I said I was sorry and she said that was not good enough.
What can I do to heal the relationship? My ex-husband does not follow the visitation rules and is not willing to give custody to me. I live in another state.
2007-05-25 06:57:31 · 8 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Rebuilding a Parent/Child Relationship
If you want to rebuild a troubled relationship with your parent or child but aren't sure where to start, Dr. Phil has advice:
Stop judging.
You can love your parent or child without loving every aspect of his/her life.
Be honest.
Tell the truth or don't say anything at all. You can be honest while retaining a boundary of respect. If discussing certain topics leads to arguments, you can simply say, "I don't want to talk about that."
Talk about things that don't matter.
If all you ever talk about in a relationship are problems, you have a problem relationship. Start talking about things that aren't crucial and don't cause conflict so that the two of you can get used to talking on a regular basis without arguing. This way, when you do have something important to talk about, the lines of communication will be open.
Forgive yourself.
There comes a time when you have to leave the past in the past and stop beating up on yourself. If you have guilt about your previous actions toward your parent or child, choose to forgive yourself.
Make a fresh start.
Once you have forgiven yourself and your loved one, you can rebuild your relationship without focusing on past conflicts. Commit to renegotiating the relationship with new boundaries.
Ease into it.
Don't expect your relationship to change overnight. Move forward together at a pace that is comfortable for both of you. If you take three steps forward and run into a problem, allow yourself to take a step back. When you are ready, take a step forward again.
2007-05-25 07:06:02 · answer #1 · answered by DENNIS 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-05 15:58:35 · answer #2 · answered by Errol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some mothers were just not given any parenting skills growing up. I'm wondering what your mother was or is like with you? I would explain to her that you have many regrets and would like to have some type of relationship with her. Ask her if she would be willing to take small steps and if she would be willing to talk you every now and then. The other thing you can do is take your husband to court to enforce the visitation. Saying you sorry really doesn't cut it in her eyes but your willingness to try and have some sort of relationship with her now is an excellent first step. I hope you are getting counseling to learn some new mothering tools. And, I don't know if it's legally okay for your husband to move your daughter to another state without your permission if you have visitation rights. I would check that out with a lawyer. Send her cards, letters and little gifts. Please don't fight for full custody because this will make things worse for your daughter. Equal custody would be better. When you do write or send her something, Include a letter with all the reasons why you DO love her and why you regret the hurtful things you did. Don't make excuses though. Just stick to the point. I'm really sorry. This is a tough situation. I hope I've helped
2007-05-25 07:09:10 · answer #3 · answered by amyaz_98 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is no magic spell which will carry her have self assurance decrease back. the in basic terms element which will artwork is your unconditional love, your undying affection and your uncompromising HONESTY with the help of the years. no longer at present, no longer the following day and perchance no longer even next week. you've were given to make investments some intense healing to her injured psyche. or perhaps after all that, she might want to by no potential have self assurance you again. the great element you may do is tell her that you comprehend your dishonesty has damage her and in case you may want to turn decrease back the hands of time, you may want to and that you'll have by no potential lied to her. tell her that when you spoke of her damage in her eyes, your coronary heart stopped and for only a short second you felt like you may want to die. Ask her what you may do to unbreak her coronary heart.
2016-11-27 02:50:23 · answer #4 · answered by gureczny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move to be with her. If you cant financially then start remembering to call her everyday to say goodnight. And write her letters. Start saving up money and take a wk to go visit her. Dont blame your exhusband for you not visiting your daughter.
2007-05-25 07:05:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, back up your bags and move to where she is......Take this summer break and go on a long vacation and reacquaint yourself to your daughter.....Be her friend and allow the mom thing to grow.....Not fun friend, but a friend with authority.....a Real Friend that has her best interest at heart......your heart will get hurt but you will have to put yours on the back burner....This is about Her not you.....
2007-05-25 07:04:59 · answer #6 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's right, just an apology is not good enough. For the relationship to heal, you need to "be there". It will take time.
2007-05-25 07:33:14 · answer #7 · answered by Ian S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
counselling and time heals all wounds.
2007-05-25 07:13:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋