I am 24, amrried with 2 kids. I have been trying to be happy in my marriage since we got married. I know I rushed into it and that was not at anyone benifit but what is done is done. I recently revealed to my husband that I am not happy and I don't know if I love him. I think he is a wonderful father and he genuanly tries to make me happy. We have both done major damige in the trust department and I have not been able to see past those issues as faults in our relationship. Here is the other part, I am in love with my best friend ( a man ) he and i have a conection I have never had with my husband. I see my self being happy with him. I am at odds with myself right now- do I stay and live a copesetic life where the kids are happy, or do I divorce my husband and be happy. I know I am going to get the response that I need to take time away from men and I plan to be on my own with my kids for sometime before entertaining the thought of blossoming my relationship futher with my friend. Help
2007-05-25 06:39:02 · 8 answers · asked by Sun of the Dark 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you truely dont love your husband then dont be with your husband. It is unfair to him and to you if you just stay together for the kids. Sure he is a good dad and i bet one of the main reasons you are staying is for the kids, but you will grow to resent him and your life for not doing what you feel is truely right.
Gotta think about what you do and the long term consequences of your actions. Are you ready to be a part time parent? Not see your children whenever you want to. Is the life you created for yourself with your husband worth it in the long run?
2007-05-25 07:10:46 · answer #1 · answered by surfguru007 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
There are few things that gut a guy more than being told "I don't know if I love you but you are a good dad". You "rushed "into marriage AND having children. Now you want to go back to some vision of happiness with some other guy.
As a man who has heard those lines and has dealt with a similar attitude all I can say is you are despicable.
You passed up the opportunity to "love" another guy when you got married. Unless of course you want the vision of yourself to be a liar and cheat. Short of a sexual affair for more than a one nighter there is little your husband could have done to deserve such treatment from a spouse.
Just so you understand, the "happiness" you seek elsewhere is fleeting and the guy you think you are in love with will never trust you as you believe. Every guy knows deep down that if she will leave her marriage for me she will leave her marriage for someone else. What makes you believe for a moment that you will find that illusive happiness after ripping apart a family subjecting your children to the roller coaster of your attitude and emotions and starting a relationship with some cuckold with illicit beginnings. This is a recipe for disaster.
All of this is for what? Because you are not sure that you love a guy who loves you , fathers your children and cares for you and your children's happiness. Because your husband does not CONNECT or make you as moist as he used to.
You need to grow up and deal with the reality of this situation.
You are about to throw away a reasonably stable, and should be happy, family and existance chasing your happiness. That is extreemly selfish , childish and ultimately self destructive.
If you have a shread of conscience I do not know how you will be able to look in a mirror much less expect respect from anyone else for this.
Get your head back in your marriage and out of your "friend's"(?) pants. Unless you give your marriage an opportunity to work you will be guilty of your own negligence.
That is unforgivable given that you have given no explanation why your husband deserves this from his wife.
2007-05-25 14:28:54 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay well sometime the grass looks greener on the other side...but trust me it never is. Yeah you and your best friend get along now but when yall start livng together the fights of being husband and wife or gf and bf start....then you realize why did I do what I did....carma is what it is..you get what you have done to ppl and it happens to you...your husband loves you and your children...most women dream of having a man that truely loves them for who they are not for what they look like, or how they are, or how much money they are worth. Marriage is hard and I havent ever heard anyone say it is easy...I know it looks like fun being around your guy friend and having him love you, but your married and how would you feel if your husband was hanging out with a women that was hot and was his friend...just telling you before you go off the deep end really look back and make sure you really want to jump.
2007-05-25 13:47:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love in a marriage ebbs and flow, peaks and wanes. Every long married couple will tell you that. It doesnt mean its over. It is ignorant and short sighted to believe before you try that you cannot find the love you once had, and can no longer remember.
You have a distraction to whom you are diverting your emotions. This is called emotional infidelity (cheating). Other ways of cheating on your partner include immersing yourself in work, friends, children, pub, or 24/7 gym classes, to the exclusion of your partner. You needed to put your partner first. You didn't.
Why don't we get broken up about passing a stranger in the street? Because we never had the time or the inclination to invest any emotions in them. Never formed any emotional attachments. Never allowed ourselves to get fond, attracted and finally addicted to them.
Why dont we get broken up about leaving a dump we never liked and only came home to sleep in at night? Same reason plus, we kept ourselves as distracted as possible the whole time.
Why is it so easy to leave? See the reasons above. We don't attach to anything we don't want to and if we want to we will attach to anything, no matter how grotesque it is. How can beauty love the beast and appreciate all the facets of his own strange beauty? How is that possible? Sounds crazy right? Wrong.
Stop TRYING to be happy. Start ALLOWING yourself to feel. Work through forgiving all your past wrongs, to yourself and to others (yes it is possible) and make amends to yourself and to others so you're not getting away with murder (your conscience will know). When you have forgiven yourself, you will be capable of truly cleaning out all those resentments and harsh judgements that build up inside and make hearts go cold. So then you're in a better place to forgive your partners past wrongs.
Now youre clearing a path to genuine, totally honest self love. When you can love your newly cleansed self, you will be able to love another. At this point all you need to do, in the words of the Beatles song is, Let It Be, let it happen, dont force it, let it flow naturally. See what there is to be seen, not just what negative, binkered eyes choose to see, all of it, warts and all, see it, make friends with it, think about it, look at it, and you may already start to fall back in love with it when it stops looking so ugly or meaningless to you.
In an environment of forgiveness, things grow. In an enviromnment of resentment, negativity and harsh judgement nothing grows, especially not you. You're not perfect, neither is anyone else, but when we buy into the Hollywood hype, we suffer a lot of discontent and restlessness. The grass is seldom or never greener on the other side. How about fertilising your own lawn for a change? A bit of the above attention and your grass may be the envy of the neighbourhood.
Life has loads of warts, learn to love 'em.
‘To thine own self be true’ means honesty not selfishness.
For additional ways to reconnect with your partner, see the 'Four Point Plan' link below.
2007-05-25 14:43:32 · answer #4 · answered by cognoscible 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just know that you won't be any happier in the long run with your new man. This is because you will still be you and your problems will follow you to the new relationship. And then you will have hurt at least 4 people in the process.
2007-05-25 13:44:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
stay and live a copesetic life where the kids are happy.
Grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. Best to put the kids needs first.
2007-05-25 14:04:53 · answer #6 · answered by KRIEGAR 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The reason you are thinking your connecting is because there is no commitment between you. You should stay with your hubby for the only sake your kids,pastures are never they way they appear once your in them.
2007-05-25 13:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is a good dad...he will continue to be so with or without being married to you. If you dont want to be with him..you shouldnt be.
2007-05-25 13:42:43 · answer #8 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋