He says he prefers to work, but he still does not go out there to look for work. I have insisted that he look for a job, at least any job, until he can get something he is qualified for, instead he watches TV, and hangs out with his friends. Is this a phase with young men? Do they want to idle their life away instead of accepting adulthood? What should I do about the situation?
2007-05-25 06:32:23 · 18 answers · asked by cantgetnowordstouse 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Most likely once he does enter the work force in an entry level job, he will become frustrated with his inability to progress his career and realize that higher education is the most effective avenue to achieve that end
2007-05-25 06:37:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you waited until the last minute to ask him to be responsible. Now all you can do is tell him he has 1 week to get a full time job whereas in 30 days he will start paying you rent...and it should be the going rate in your area for a room w/ meals. If you want him to grow up, you have to treat him as a grown up. If you want him to be a loser, just let him hang out and watch tv. This is not a phase, this is what he knows...Time for a little tough love. Tell him it's because you love him that you're doing this, and he will thank you for it in a couple of years. He will fight like a dog right now...but just hang tough...if he doesn't agree to the terms or messes them up, you need to be prepared to show him the door. Don't cave in. Be strong, and he will too. Best of luck.
2007-05-25 13:47:16 · answer #2 · answered by msoperfect 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough Question, Tough Love. My wife and I recently faced this question with her youngest son. it took us some time (several years) but he is out on his own now. Our rules were go to college full time (get passing grades) and there is no rent. Go to college at least half time load pay 50% of going rate for renting a room. No college pay going rate for renting a room. This did not work immediately. he would play video games all day so we confiscated his video games. We adopted this approach to anything that interfered with getting a job. Eventually we had to put a move out date. Have a job and pay rent by this date or you will be moved out by us. In the end he found a job in another town and shares rent on a house with 4 other people. It is not what we would choose for him but he is finally acting as an adult. we take our victories where we can get them.
2007-05-25 14:48:12 · answer #3 · answered by brotherlove@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should be doing one or the other. If he does not want to go to college yet, perhaps he's not up for the challenge. He could start part-time or go to a community college.
Otherwise he should be out trying to find work. Any ideas why he's obsessed with a social life?
Eventually he'll see the difference between having a degree and not having one. It's very tough to find stable work in this country without it.
2007-05-25 13:54:58 · answer #4 · answered by Mark 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both my kids did the same thing- 1 boy, one girl. College is not for everyone. We told them both to either get a job or go to college, or they would have to move out. Both went into the military and thrived. Daughter became a musician in the army band (great job), son is making a career of the Air Force, is happy and doing well.
2007-05-25 13:45:59 · answer #5 · answered by donmohan2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to either get a job or join the Army.
Give him a 7 day timeline to decide on either. Throw him out of the house is he doesn't have atleast 8 job applications filed within the first week.
2007-05-25 15:22:41 · answer #6 · answered by Mark 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well tell him he has one of three options. One, get a job and stay at home. Two go to college, or three he gets throwen out of the house. It's time for him to accept adulthood. I've been working since I was 16.
2007-05-25 13:43:00 · answer #7 · answered by Joe M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he does not want to attend college, he really needs to get a job to support himself. You need to explain to him that you will not be able to financially support him if he is no longer a student. Work is not neccessarily a bad thing, but he needs to consider how the lack of college may limit him.
As a legal adult, now that he is 18, he is considered responsible for himself. What support you are willing to give him is up to you. You can always present him with a bill for living expenses, so he can see what it really costs to be independent. Good luck.
2007-05-25 13:43:15 · answer #8 · answered by JL 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people will take advantage if you let them...
You'll do him NO favors by supporting him financially...he will NEVER learn self-reliance...do himself and YOU a favor...
tell him he has 30 days to either go back to school or find a job..at the end of those 30 days..he's out...no matter whether he has somewhere to go or not...
He will have been warned...and if in 30 days he has done neither...STICK TO YOUR GUNS and make him move out...DO NOT BACK DOWN....
He'll learn...one way or the other...
Tough love...you betcha...but sometimes you gotta do what ya gotta do....
2007-05-25 13:41:29 · answer #9 · answered by Toots 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Arent you the same guy who said that you an never please your mom? You should try to accept him for who/what he does. Just because you have "ideas" about what he should be doing..doesnt mean it will happen that way. You wanted your mom to be happy with what you did..but she never was. Accept him as he is now..and just be a leader to him. If you berate him, like your mom has done to you..he will not be a success in life. He is who he is because of where he has been. Be open w/ him, and let him know that he is accepted the way he is... you will be amazed at where he will go.!!!! I promise!!!!
2007-05-25 13:38:20 · answer #10 · answered by jh 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋