Personality awakening?

Question

I have many difficulties considering expressing my personality, mostly due to my father who was a person of almost no words, almost never spoke to me and only spoke to me when I've done something wrong. Mother lacked any dignity and supported every **** he did. I am working in a VERY criticising environment ( a scientific research department) and being pretty doesn't help me AT ALL, people judge me from the get-go and label me as a bimbo before I have a chance to open my mouth. In the past I acted very naive by trusting everyone so you can imagine that there were quite a few guys that hurt me deeply, not to mention girls that were supposed to be my friends.
I would like to learn how to express my inner. People always told me that they could swear there is so much more behind my closed shell and I guess there is, I am just so affraid to express it. I do have my own mind but I rarely have something to say. Not because I am stupid.

It's because I am my own worst enemy and I think whatever I say will sound stupid or people will not like it. Recently I dumped a horrible boyfriend and realized my worth. Now I am a single woman living in another country excelling in my career as a scientist. But I am still closed up and I lack social skills. How to improve that? Any advices, books?

Answer 1

Books can only do so much. You need to get out and interact with people. I don't know if there are any community courses you could take to learn to assert yourself more.
Another option would be to take writing courses. You seem to be able to express yourself well enough already via words, just needs a wee touch up here and there.
Ever thought of acting? Some shy folks try that to break out.

Whatever you choose, keep it up. You'll get there.

Answer 2

The only stupid question is a question not asked or shared. You should always express your feelings, whether good, bad or indifferent. I was brought up to be a very strong, independent woman who went to college so I didn't have to rely on anyone. With that brought self assurance and expressing my mind. I will tell you exactly what I think and if you don't like it then go f*** yourself. I got along without before and I sure as h*** don't need you now, if you don't like it.

Your looks should never help you, it is your heart and mind that should get you where you want to be. Have what you want to have. I have a good paying job, which I love. Three beautiful children and a man that loves me for who I am, not what I look like.

Do what is right for you, If you are pissed off then express it, if you are in love then express it. Use your voice that is why you have it.

Answer 3

Get yourself up. You are a beautiful and intelligent woman. You seem to have deep thoughts. Cut yourself of from your childhood. Don't think in the past. Just here and now. You should be so proud of yourself for excelling in you field. Don't be afraid to say something stupid. Remember other people are spending just as much time wondering if they look or sound stupid just as much as you do. So it does no good. Your life can be an excellent adventure if you just chill and go with the flow. Read "The Tao of Pooh". It seems like a children's book but has a great message. You are great and fantastic. Life is good.

Answer 4

You could always ask your doctor to reccommend a support group with people who are experiencing these same feelings at this time in there life. It will get you out socializing and you just may meet some life lasting genuine friends. It sounds like you are very intelligent, wise, compassionate and vulnerable. Don't let anyone take away your self respect or you self esteem because they do these things to build themselves up. They are the ones with the problem not you. I once heard it said that..."We can't love others if we don't love ourselves. I wish you the best that life has for you.

Answer 5

Be a pretty girl in the early 80's in the Marine Corps! That was an oddity.

I dressed better, put on a good show, and let them think what they wanted to. My actions quickly overshadowed my looks. I was able to prove myself a capable and intelligent person with a lot of value to the unit.

You need to maybe do the Wonder Woman thing, and dress down? or do as I did, and don't even care about those shallow individuals who can't see past their own insecurities.

Answer 6

Its too late to put some blames to your father or mother. True, they have something to do with your character formation in the past, but now that you have grown up and you are not just an ordinary person but an intelligent one-its about for you to realize that barking at yourself in front of a mirror will never do you any good. The first thing is for you to self-evaluate yourself. What really is it that you want? Is it really want or need? Then what you can do out of it. Try to have a focus. Visualize yourself and try to see how you'dlike to see yourself, say about 1-2 years from now. Know your wealnesses, strenghts, resources and try to trust yourself-if other people can be happy and satisfied in their own carrers and selves, why can you? Be brave. Smile. Know your limits and try to learn from them. Love. Lost if it is not working. Love again. Free yourself from the bondage of the past which seems to be stopping your wisdom. The past is always a part of us but the future is potent and more reality-oriented so try to be there. Worry? why not but limit it and use it to your advantage. See your parents not as a source of your present dilemma but reverse it and see them as persons who have been the guode to where you are now. Perhaps, you can now talk to them in a mature way. Relive the past with them, with respect, Ask them questions, with respect again. Be honest with what you really wanted to know. And what seemed to be lacking in your present life. You have so many things in life for you in the future. And above all, remember GOD.

Answer 7

1st of all Get this Book!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0071421963/ref=sib_dp_pt/002-6395346-5346425#reader-link

About your comment, it seems to me that you do not share the same social group with your parents they are on a different communication frequency.
You seem to crave a bond that your parents were not capable of giving. It’s understandable you expected a loving reinforcement for the value of your self esteem. Every Human needs faith hope and love, when love is blocked at an early age our faith & hope suffers. To avoid confurtation you have become blocked. Hopefully not to the point of "Learned helplessness". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

You need an Astrological assessment of the signs that form their free-will and the planets that influence the situations between all of you.

Once you see this you’ll know "the proof is in your life" that astrology is the fabric of reality.

The social groups are
Theoretical: This type transfers logic into creative ideas
-Sagittarius
-Capricorn
-Aquarius
-Pisces

Intellectual: This type only uses logic to communicate, lack creativity emotions are separated from communication
-Leo
-Virgo
-Libra
-Scorpio

Emotional: This type communicated by actions not words, words may be used in simplicity and affection expressed through caring duties.
-Aries
-Taurus
-Gemini
-Cancer

*Contact me if you want to learn more.

Answer 8

The best way is to practice. Go meet different types of folks and see how you feel and interact. The only way to learn new skills is to practice. Being in a new country makes it more challenging so try different activities where you mat feel like you fit in.

Answer 9

I think you should find a counselor who specializes in the development of social skills. Sometimes joining a group therapy session or course can be helpful. There are a number of books and videos out there in popular psychology.

Answer 10

if you find something you really like- gardening, birdwatching, sewing, or whatever it is that interests you- something you've always been interested in but never had much "time" to explore. Do it more often, and find others who are doing it, too. When you are doing something you love the real you will grow and blossom, and that confidence and love of life will flow into other areas of your life, making you more interesting to others as well.