He says he prefers to work, but he still does not go out there to look for work. I have insisted that he look for a job, at least any job, until he can get something he is qualified for, instead he watches TV, and hangs out with his friends. Is this a phase with young men? Do they want to idle their life away instead of accepting adulthood? What should I do about the situation?
2007-05-25 06:30:32 · 29 answers · asked by cantgetnowordstouse 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
kick his lazy butt out the door
2007-05-25 06:33:42 · answer #1 · answered by RUSSELLL 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Taking a few weeks (or even a few months) off should be fine. He's just worked for 18 years at getting through school and has now done that...yay for him!!
However, he does need to accept the fact that he is an adult now. And if he chooses to further his education, you will support that, but if he doesn't, then he MUST go out and get a job.
Certainly he didn't work at getting through high school just to sit on his butt and watch t.v. all day.
If he continues to refuse, begin taking away whatever luxuries you give to him. If you provide gas money, then take it away until/unless he goes and gets a job. Don't give him any money to hang out with his friends. Don't do any cooking or cleaning for him until he decides to become a contributing member of your household.
If all else fails, tell him he will have to pay rent or he has to move out. You cannot force him to be responsible, but you can sure make it hard on him not to be.
2007-05-25 13:37:07 · answer #2 · answered by grumpyetal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a common phrase that young men go through. They are stuck in between the teenage years and the time when they want to be an adult. In the end, you need to push him out of the house because it is the only way he is going to understand responsibility instead of living off you. This is not mean or anything of that sort, you love him alot and he needs to understand this also. Yet, he can not take advantage of you and he is now an adult, not a teenager. He has the potential to go to college or get a job and that's what he needs to do.
2007-05-25 13:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by outsider119 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell him to get a job or get out. He'll have to learn the hard way if he thinks real life is a game. My brother was like this for a while and my parents had enough of it and started charging him rent. That pretty much motivated him to get a job which ultimately led to him moving out on his own - needless to say my parents were quite happy when that happened (took till he was 23). I've been on my own since 17 - my own choice. The sooner you learn responsibility the easier it becomes. You don't want real life to kick him in the head. My parents had this rule:
If you want to live at home and go to school then you don't have to pay rent while doing so. If you have a job and don't go to school and expect us to support you, well you are going to either pay rent here or somewhere else if you don't like it.
Good luck!
2007-05-25 13:36:34 · answer #4 · answered by JD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left my house when I was 17 - after I graduated from high school my dad gave me a hundred bucks and said go have fun, when I came back home all of my things were in the garage, with and envelope containing nine hundred dollars and a note. It said Son, your a man now, we gave you 1000.00 and now its time for you to go on your own, we'll be here for you, but you are on your own now, good luck, love mom and dad.
I didn't want to go to college either, so thats what my parents did, found a shack to live in, got a job, got some schooling, now I have my own place, my own career, and content at where i am at.
What I'm trying to say is stand your ground and make it clear to him its time to grow up. He has friends, they can help him now. That help is temporary, his friends can only help him so much. Right now he's just sitting around, it may be a phase, but if you don't push him a little, he'll end up being one of those 30 yr olds, still living with their parents. let him go, if he needs help, help him, but make it clear he has to get his own roof. Thats the only way reality can kick in if he can't see it right now.
2007-05-25 13:40:16 · answer #5 · answered by Lilkryptonite 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Education comes in different forms. Not everyone is meant for college, but I agree, work is definitely something that builds character and essentially educates a person about the world he/she lives in. With my experience, people like your son love life and love friends, but without a real need to leave the house or get work, he won't want to. The push needs to come from you. As much as you want to protect him and keep him safe and comfortable, I believe it's more important for a parent to let his/her child fall. As a father of an 18-month-old, it's tough to watch him fall after he took his first steps, but I see some of my friends' babies constantly being held, and up till now they can't walk right. You have to trust that your ability to push him and let him make mistakes is what's best. You're not helping him by promoting this lethargic lifestyle. What happens when you're gone? How will he fend for himself? Good luck.
2007-05-25 13:36:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's his choice if he doesn't want to go to college, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with him freeloading off of you. You could go for the total tough love approach and say that if he is not going to college, he is responsible for finding his own place to live and supporting himself. Or you could try something a little less drastic, such as putting him on a strict budget which only provides a for the absolute necessities (which you will not be buying for him anymore). If he wants to catch a movie, buy music, or do anything else fun, he'll either have to start working or live off of ramen for a while.
2007-05-25 13:40:15 · answer #7 · answered by Demon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what my parents did for me ever since i was small they told me i was out of the house at 18 no if ands or buts. and when i turned 18 they said either collage or work i chose work got a job moved out (they did give me 4 months to raise money for a down) and now i own my own home have a great paying job as a manager and I'm only 24. my advise would be to start charging him rent to live at your house (my folks did this too i paid $50 dollars a month) and tell him he has to be out of the house in X amount of months and stick to it other wise he will never leave.
p.s. don't worry even though my folks pretty much kicked me out at 18 i still love them and am happy they gave me the boot in the butt that helped me make a great life for my self.
2007-05-25 13:37:50 · answer #8 · answered by Vanessa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start charging him rent. At 18 he cannot be a freeloader! So he has two choices - get a job or go to school. Tell him he's got 3 days to decide which it's going to be. Then tell him he's got 10 days to either get his own place or start paying you rent! Does he have a car? phone? electronics? that you pay for? Then at the end of that time period if he doesn't have a job or a plan to go to school, you cut him off.
2007-05-25 13:35:52 · answer #9 · answered by Brandy B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you send him to college before he's ready, it will likely be a waste of money. You'll spend thousands of dollars just to have him come home with a bunch of incompletes. College takes a lot of self discipline.
Once he has a chance to mature, he may decide to go to college then. Make sure he's aware that is an option for him.
As far as him being too lazy to get a job... hmm... Good Luck!!
2007-05-25 13:58:50 · answer #10 · answered by happycoloredmarbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These is a common issue especially with boys his age, I understand how you must be feeling but right now you might need to take a different approach and show him some tough love if talking does not work. Taking to boarding school or something
2007-05-25 13:38:18 · answer #11 · answered by Shiden 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋