As a child coming up, whatever I am successful in my mother is not happy for me.?

Question

I have completed my studies, good job, property, car, children, but yet still she is not happy for me. She constantly puts me down. She would prefer that I am dependent on her constantly, which I can't. I enjoy being independent. She tries to control my life in all aspects. I have tried to talk to her about the matter, but she does not listens. She acts as if I am still a child. I don't want to resort to cruel words or be harsh in any way. What can I do to let her understand my independency and control of my home, especially my children? She has gone out of the way so many times to embarass me in front of family, friends, co-workers. How can I love her as a mother when she does these things? We communicate, but we are not close.

Answer 1

Is she a single mom? My mom can be the same way, but she finally understood because I just told her to deal with it, I'm growing up , I need my own life.
She needs to know that she brought you in this world , not for her own sake, but to keep the generation flowing and give life to have more life & to have their OWN life.
She needs to know , that your her son & she is your mother , but she is not in charge anymore.
My mom didnt want me to move out either, but I put her in her place and told her that I needed my own space, needed my life to start, and needed to complete things and do things on my own.
I know its hard for a mom to let go of their child, but she should be happy for you.
Maybe she just misses having you around. You should pick days to hang out so that way she doesnt have to come over on her own terms and embarrase you infront of your family.
Have days where you both can hang out, just you two, and do fun things. I think she is just lonely and wants her baby back.

Answer 2

Your mother really loves you, I am sure, but she has a hard time letting go. Although she would never admit it, you are her whole life and she sees your independence as losing the most important thing in her life. The only thing you could have done was devote yourself completely to her, but you can't do that realistically or successfully. In some sense, your mother has done this to herself, but she was only doing what she knew to do. Just keep these thoughts in mind and try to get by with her as best you can. You know you owe her a lot, but you can't give her what she wants. She knows, but can't express herself well. I am sure you are good to her. Be at peace with yourself and continue to do the best you can. Other people have to face the same thing and don't worry what they think.

Answer 3

My mom treated me like that. Don't let her control you since you are an adult. Your mom is getting older [not old] and she is afraid of loosing her Independence and she has to keep you as a small child or have control over you . And also she is afraid of being left alone or not being loved. As long as you let her control you she will. I know you love her & don't want to hurt her. Let her know that you are an adult and that she has already raised you and that you are trying to raise your children and that she can give advice occasionaly [not boss you]. Invite her over occasionsly but not rule your home
let her join a club or something and make new friends[or a new intrest or hobby] to take her mind off things , but don't stay with her If you stay she will still have control over you.

Answer 4

As odd as it seems, this is her way of loving and looking out for you. You being independant probably scares her, you don't need her help any more and it makes her sad. The best way to fix this, that I can see, is to talk to her. Tell her how what she is doing is hurting you. Tell her you are greatful for suggestions and her love, but you are an adult. Tell her that just because you are independant doesn't mean that you don't need her, you just don't need her helping in everything. Letting her know that you still love her and still need her, just in an adult manner.

Answer 5

When you accept your mom for who she is..and dont look to her for approval any longer you will see her differently. Its not your job or responsibility to make her happy. She has her views on things, as well as you do. When she comments or tries to "embarass" you...think about what is really happening at that moment..and just take it for what it is. Dont make it mean that she is trying to embarass you. She is who she is because of her up bringing. She does what she knows. Just keep in mind when your child/children are growing up..you will see some of her come out in you. It happens. The things that tend to drive us most nuts in other people ..we actually see in ourselves..but dont want to admit. Try this.... say the things that you dont like about your mom....then look in a mirrow..and say them again.... its amazing by what we learn. I have a lot more I can say..but I dont want to ramble..send me an email if you want more help...good luck

Answer 6

Sounds like she is jealous.....some parents will hold their children back because they don't want their children to do better than them.....

Keep your relationship the way it is and guard your heart when she is around.....I am going through this very thing right now and I know that it bothers you.

Answer 7

You need to be straight up with her and call her on the carpet when she starts berating you. Stick up for yourself, yes, she's your Mom but you're an adult now.

Answer 8

get her a dog so she has something to control. sounds like she might be empty nested.

Answer 9

i went thru that..i learned you can love people at a distance