What would you do? And how do you get over it?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 8 ys. I found some e-mails of his talking about sex and the past w/ this one girl form his childhood(the school slut) . I was really hurt by him talking to her "dirty". Would you feel hurt by this? Am I making a big deal about this? He has told me million time and express his love for me since. He told me he's really sorry.
The thing is this isn't the first or second it's the third time this has happened. Once before we first starting dating then when we got engaged and now. He doesn't go out and have sex but he talks about it and gets emotionally attatchd. I see it as cheating because it feels like he has betrayed me. Am I right to feel this way?
I don't think our sex life is bad it's actually quite good. If anything my drive is going strong but his seems to have lower.
I just don't know if I'm overacting or if maybe I should be more upset.
I'm more hurt then mad.
So ladies let hear your thoughts.
FYI My mother thinks I should leave

Answer 1

Yes this is cheating.

He is doing it emotionally. Part of being married is to have the emotional support of one another.

It is easy for anyone who isn't in your current position to tell you to leave. They would feel different if they were in your "shoes".

You have every right to be upset and you are not over reacting.

Like anything, to succeed you need to have the right tools and commitment and will power to make it work.

You seem to have the two latter ones.

You both need to get counseling. It does help. Together and separately.

Answer 2

This is a hard one. I went through a very similar thing with my (now ex) husband. Mine was more of an internet relationship with adult pictures etc. I felt betrayed and you should too. This is a form of cheating even though some men do not get that. Any sexual conversation that is not with your partner is not right in my book. If this has happened 3 time - I myslef would leave. I do not know how in love you still are with your husband. If you do love him then maybe get some counseling or have him make some changes where you can see what he is doing on the computer when he is on. My ex moved the computer to our bedroom so I could always look over and see who he was talking too. Mom's are tough - they do not want to see us hurt, but you have to do what is best for you and what you feel right with in your heart. Good luck and god bless....

Answer 3

You do have a right to feel betrayed, even if he didn't do it... he talked about it, he considered it...

Whether you should leave is truly up to you, you have more information to work on. However, it sounds like he will do it again after a while, he probably loves you but he might be a bit drawn into the forbidden... also think about this... he hasn't done anything yet (not that you know) but there is a fine line between talking about it and actually doing it. If he likes the thrill what would he do when talking is not enough? will it ever get to that point?

How would you rate your relationship? is it worth the risk and the effort you will be putting into making things better? Listen to all opinions, but follow your own heart and be ready to face the consequences of your own decision.

good luck,

Answer 4

If it happened in the past before you got married you must not have been to worried about it..otherwise you wouldn't have gotten married. Ladies, guys talk about sex. It's right up there with sports and cars. I don't think the problem is that he is talking about sex but that he is talking about sex with a woman. If it was with his guy friends there wouldn't be a problem. Has he indicated he wants to leave? Has his behavior changed other than his drive being a little lower to make you think he might want to or is going outside the marriage for sex? that's just my opinion. Bottom line is you have to ask yourself if this is an issue that is so severe that you cannot be with him and should leave.

Answer 5

You have the right to feel the way you do. It is cheating. Cheating could mean different things. It doesn't necessary have to be physical. Cheating can be emotional. He's hurt you in away, you can't explain. He might not be out there actually doing the "D", but he's one step away. When you're in a relationship, the physical, verbal, and emotional all tied together to make it work. If the emotional is being shared with someone else, what's sacred anymore? You have that emotional tie to the person whom you claim to love and without that, y'all might as well be friends with benefits. So, yes it is cheating, if you're hurting. You should explain to him what he's doing to you and how it makes you feel. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think the most telling part of your question is that he has done this prior during dating, during engagement and now during marriage. It was acceptable or at least forgivable in the past so in his mind it can happen yet continue with the relationship.

If you have accepted this as the way it is going to be then stay and try to get counseling so that the next time it happens you will be better able to deal.

If he is willing and wants to actively participate in counseling and fixing the damage that he (and he alone) has done with his choices and actions then give it your all and try to make it better with him. If he is not then I'm sorry but it will happen again.

If you do not accept the complete disregard and disrespect that he is showing you and your relationship then it is time to move on.

Answer 7

You have every right to be hurt and upset. This is your husband and the only one he should be talking to like that is you, his wife. Even his buddies, but to be talking about sex with another woman is never good and that type of behaviour can lead to cheating. You know your husband, you've e been married to him for 8 years and you should talk to him and let him know how this makes you feel. Don't yell at him about it, just let him know that your are uncomfortable with him emailing another woman and talking about sex. Be honest and loving when you bring this up to him. ps Mothers always think we should leave because no one will ever be good enough for us. I think mothers only hear about the bad stuff and we need to remember to mention the good things as well.
Good Luck

Answer 8

I wouldn't leave him but I would talk to him about it. If he's truly sorry then he'll discontinue all contact he's having with this 'other woman'. Explain to him exactly how it makes you feel, the key is to remain calm when doing so. You have every right to feel hurt by this - I know I would.
Another idea is to start maybe leaving dirty little love notes for him around the house and in his car. Maybe that'll help him in discontinuing contact with that school whore. Clearly he enjoys stimulation by words perhaps if you do it he'll appreciate it even more because - well hello - it's coming from his wife. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 9

If I were you, I would be wary about the fact that his sex drive has lowered. That is oftentimes because he is actually getting sexual release elsewhere i.e. with another woman. But whether or not what he's doing is physical, he is being unfaithful to you by talking about these things with another woman. You definitely have a right to feel hurt and demand that this stops.

Answer 10

In my opinion getting emotionally attched to someone else is worse than physically cheating and not caring about the person. Get some counseling and if that doesn't work then walk.
Have enough respect for yourself not to be a doormat.
Also get your hubby into counselling for his potential sex addition. There is some reason that he is doing it and he may need to work on that separately then you together.