How do you deal with money in your second marriage?

Question

I just got married second time. I am 42 and husband is 51, he has a 9 years old son . I work full time as a teacher, he is self employed in construction. I have no idea how much money he makes, I am on a set income. I give him $700 a month towards the $2600 house payment, other that that we have separate money that we use at own discretion. I kinda like it, but it bothers me because it doesnt' sound right. We dont' even have a joint account, and I have no idea what is our financial situation like. He doesnt like talking about "issues". and never initiate any discussions. How shoudl i approach this issue? How do other other people deal with the similar situations?

Answer 1

I can't believe you don't know how much he brings home a month. I think its smart that you have seperate accounts. I know you said you pay 700 for the house payment but who pays for the electric and food?

Answer 2

Financial and Marital Harmony
It's this simple: Money can ruin your marriage. In fact, it's the number one problem in marriages, and the number one cause of divorce.

People often underestimate the commitment in merging two lives together. The reason we fight most about money is because it's the most measurable. Sure, compromises also need to be made when it comes to issues of time, space and affection, but with money the give and take is quantifiable.

Dr. Phil has advice for developing and keeping marital and financial harmony.


Relationships are mutually defined. Each partner needs to be comfortable with any guidelines you set. Don't build resentment if you've agreed to it.


Everyone should have some financial freedom. Whether $5 or $500, discretionary income is a must for any partnership. If you want to run it through a shredder, it ought to be your right to do so. Having your own money helps you feel like you haven't given yourself up in order to be part of a relationship.


While financial independence is important, it must be balanced with accountability. Don't hide your spending habits from your spouse. Live within the boundaries you set. Consult your spouse before purchasing big-ticket items.


Don't live a fairytale! Get real about how much money you have. Set a realistic budget and financial goals. Don't justify purchasing something you can't afford.


Emotional problems can't be solved with money. Take a hard look at what's really behind your spending habits.


Negotiate, and then renegotiate when necessary. You made these life decisions together, and you can change them together.


Educate yourself. Marriage is a partnership, and both individuals need to be well-informed. Many problems — especially when it comes to money — stem from lack of knowledge.


When a financial issue comes up, ask yourself: Is it really a money problem or is it a relationship problem?


Money should not be used as a weapon against your partner.


Joint vs. Separate Accounts: Dr. Phil suggests separate accounts, because it's important to have independence and your own discretionary money.

Answer 3

If he is a worker or at most mid level, he couldn't tell you how much he makes regularly.

But if he is a construction contractor, these guys have more than 2 books and various shelters to minimize their tax exposure. In the mean time, if he or his company were sued, he would not be personally liable (and you would be protected).

To you, it means if there was a divorce situation, he could prove he had nothing so you can't take anything from him. The house might not even be under his name but some bogus shelter company. Most of his expenses are "business", his cars, boats, travel, and what not. He can say what you pay him actually goes to your share of the rent.

Frankly, there is no way he will let you in his business secrets and dealings. He has a legal but complex set up and that's it. You might talk to an attorney but I doubt your attorney is as smart as his accountants.

Guess you can at least protect your income but setting up a shelter. But no offense, you are not exactly in a high income bracket.

Answer 4

In marriage there are two powers that need to be managed wisely. Money and sex are those (2) powers. You do not need a joint account. What for? Remain independent and at any time a big purchase is done (such as another house, a car etc...., make sure your name is on it. You already give him much more less than half and I am assuming you are not paying the bills. What about food? Who fixes anything that gets broken around the house? Good marriages are made and trust is earned. Enjoy what you have and love your men to death.

Answer 5

Well you "kinda like it" but you also have a problem with it, sounds like you want your cake and to eat it too.

Sorry to say but this is the deal you made when you got married, it's not very fair to change it now. I highly doubt you would be happy with the shoe on the other foot. How other people deal with money is meaningless to you as you already have a deal in place. This is a question you should have asked before agreeing with this system.

To be honest with you, you have a great deal. Only $700 when you should be paying $1,300, and then you have no other bills is sweat. Be careful what you ask for, you may just get it.

Answer 6

Y'all should have figured this out together before the wedding... finances are a big part of a couple's life.

If he doesn't want to talk things over, would he let you look at last year's tax records so that you can get an idea of the whole financial picture? While I applaud keeping separate incomes, sometimes a joint savings account is good to have, for shared expenses like house repairs and so forth.

As things are... who pays for groceries? Who puts gas in the car? Who pays the utility bills? Those are all things that need sorting out.

Answer 7

India may be a country of perverst and cheats but thee are fe things very good about it....and one of those things r when a man and a woman gets married the money they both earn is not his or hers---its our money.
I cant suggest u anything if he doesnt want to discuss it except for the fact that u start saving for yourself if not for the family...he doesnt seem to be much bothered and is not ready to discuss it...Matter of trust....doesnt earn much...or just dont want to share his income...whatever.....i dont see it as a family...its more like two shores of a sea.....money is life line of a marriage life....this is what it depends on besides emotions feelings respect for each other trust faith....transparency ....and i think in this relationship faith trust and transperancy r missing which r very vry important ...but neverhteless u dont be worried...start saving for your future....dont force him to share it with u the more u do the more he will not discuss it...let him take his time...i am sure when the time comes he will ....if he doesnt then u will know what he has in his mind...in the mean time to be on a safer side start saving your har earned money....and remove second marriage from your query...marriage is a marriage second or the first...

Answer 8

You need to sit down and talk to him and force him to do so.

Having separate accounts is good, but I think that everyone should also have a joint account to pay the bills from. You live together and are now a family, so it's not right that you don't even know how much money you collectively have.

Answer 9

I am in my second marriage. My husband and I have similar arrangement - we have kept our monies seperate. But we do discuss the issue to be sure that all the household bills are paid. We each pay the bills we had prior to getting married - credit cards, car loans, ect. We set up a spreadsheet with each income, and what has to come out each week - including gas and groceries. This has worked very well for us the past year.

I wish you luck.

Answer 10

Wow that is a tough one, I am in a similar situation. I am remarried and not working(but starting a job in 2 weeks) when we first got marred I closed my account and we opened a joint account. Now I want to have my own account along with the joint account, he doesn't want me to have my own account. I think it;s kind of a control thing. You should approach him like this, If something were to happen to him you would not be prepared to take care of yourself and his son, so therefor you should be informed of all financial matters.