Do you think my husband is too "close" to his coworker?

Question

My husband works with this female "Robin." At the place where he works there is only 5 people that work there as counselors at a mental health retirement center. It is a very laid back enviornment and they just sit around a room and talk. I have told him that I have problems with his and Robin's relationship. They will call each other on their cells while at work and she calls him while he is at home for questions that she should be asking her husband--like car trouble and kids problems. They sit right next to each other at work even though there are four tables with over 30 chairs. I have also found out he has ytaken her home from work several times without telling me. They talk constantly about very personal stuff. I am just fed up. I don't know if he's cheating or if they're just friends. Any ideas??

Answer 1

I feel for you.
That is bogus behavior on your husbands part.
His relationship with "Robin" has elements to it that should be reserved for your husband/wife relationship only.
Tell him how his behavior is making you feel,
Gage his response,
If he is understand and is willing to change, Good,
If he isn't..........hire a private investigator, get a good lawyer, and call that show Cheaters.

Answer 2

Yes, I think he is too close to his co-worker. It sounds like the job itself creates an atmosphere where he and only a few others have the opportunity to interact, and for whatever reason, your husband has befriended this particular person more-so than having an equal co-worker relationship with the others. The things he has done that you described that would be completely unacceptable are: Her calling him at home, for ANY reason. Them sitting next to eachother, rather than across from eachother. And especially him taking her home! Married people do NOT put themselves in a position where there is ANY room for speculation regarding the opposite sex, even if it is a "co-worker". I don't know how you communicate to your husband, but I tell you what, I'd be DEMANDING that all of those behaviors STOP IMMEDIATELY! And if he gives you any flak and tries to turn it around, well then, you will know that he is more interested in his relationship with this woman than he ought to be, because his main priority better be making sure that he is acting in a professional and personal way that says, I'm not going to do ANYTHING that could cause my wife OR other people in general, to suspect any wrongdoing. You tell him how it's gonna be! Don't let him or anyone else tell you you are being insecure or overreacting! The point is that this is upsetting you, and he needs to be doing everything in his power to show you that his loyalty is to YOU, and NOT to this "co-worker!" Best wishes.

Answer 3

I don't mean to upset you sweety, but what your husband and his coworker are doing is a little more then just being friends. If nothing has happened between them sexually so far, I would expect it to happen. Only in rare instances can a man and a woman other than his wife become close friends. If they do, its more like a brother sister thing. You need to confront this Robin and tell her to back off. You need to tell your husband to act like a married man and stop this crap. Trust me. I was there. My good friend and my husband were close. What I didn't know was that things were happening behind my back when he "had" to go over there to change the locks, etc. Dont be so naive and trusting babe. Become tougher. I wish you all the luck in the world. Maybe you can keep in touch with us and let us know?

Answer 4

sounds like he's emotionally cheating. If your not comfortable with his friendship with Robin you should just tell him. Tell him in a nice way how your feeling. You really can't assume he's cheating unless you have proof or he tells you. Assuming the worst will only make him angry because it will prove you don't trust him. And you should until you know otherwise. Give him the benefit of the doubt. And if he loves you he will respect your wishes and pull back from robin. Maybe you two should spend time alone where you can become his friend,,,,,,,,,,like Robin has. Good Luck.

Answer 5

What does your intuition say? Sometimes your gut feeling is right.

Have you asked him what is going on? If it was just that a friendship he should have not hidden the fact that he is giving her a ride to her home (how did you find out... someone else told you?). Have you told him that "the friendship" is making you feel uncomfortable? and ask him how he would feel if the roles were switched and you were the one very close to a male co-worker...

Trust is a key element in all relationships. And if you are not trusting his word send a P.I. and see if it can confirm your suspisions. But then you will need to know what to do if something is indeed going on between them two.

Answer 6

Ok, here's the problem. Regardless of whether he IS actually cheating or not, you have expressed to him how you feel and he has had no respect or regard for that so far. I would not blame one you single bit- if they're friends, alright once in a while talking is no harm. BUT on top of all that he already knows how you feel and "takes the girl home" and somehow forgets to mention it to you.....

Have a long, hard talk with him. Like I said, even if he's not cheating he definitely is not respecting you as his spouse!

Answer 7

This won't be the best answer, by far, becasue I simply have to ask you Do you love your husband enough to trust him? If he says they are justt friends then it can possibly be true that they are just best friends. Think abouthte marriage yo have If you know he is happy with you - he probably is being nieve and not seeing a firtaceous woman - as a female we have our instinctiveness to know when somehting isn't right but don't over dramatize- again if he loves you- it is you he is married to - keep him close with out harrassing - let him have friends- they are no threat as long as you both still love each other.

Answer 8

Can't say for sure if he's cheating but you have every right to tell him to stop his behavior because he is too close to this women and it is disrespectful. The woman has a husband so why should she bother your husband while he's off the job. She is stepping over the line and your husband is allowing it. You need to tell your husband you will not be disrespected and if need be tell this women to stay with her own husband and to stop calling yours. It is all inappropriate. Stick up for yourself.. don't worry about people saying you should trust your man..Well that's sounds nice and is true up until he gave you a reason to doubt him. What do they want you to do? trust him right up to the point of you walking in on them screwing? Please! Take care of it girl!! Good luck!

Answer 9

Yes, I have an idea. Dinner dates are very good when you need to get things out in the open. Invite her and her husband out to dinner with you and your husband. If your husband is kind of stand offish or down rights refuse then yes something is going on and he is trying to hide it. If he agrees and yet feels uncomfortable about it, than he is interested and the relationship haven't gotten to that stage yet. Meet her husband explain your husband and his wife works together and say you just want to get to know him and his wife better. If he agrees, bam! Make this an opportunity to get some things out in the open on the sly about your husband and this woman. And remember the eyes are the windows to the soul they never lie. Good luck and let us know what happens. There maybe a possibility nothing is going on but what better way to find out for yourself.

Answer 10

Your husband probably thinks there's nothing for you to worry about with Robin, but if you continue to point the small things about her and your husband hadn't really notice. He will notice then, because all you are doing is throwing the person in his face...If your husband is coming home at night and not making excuses about wanting to go, don't sweat the small stuff.

Answer 11

that's hard.

we all have those people at work that we kind of pal around with.
i had a coworker that was like that with me. we teamed up alot at work and there were rumors, but that's b/c we worked in a rumor mill.
anyway...it really bothered my bf and i assured him that nothing was going on.
he never did believe me and eventually our relationship ended. not b/c of that, but just his trust issues in general.

anyway....
my point is that i know many people that have that "work wife/husband". it's a weird dynamic.
if it makes you uncomfortable and he's doing things with her and not telling you and she's invading his home life....then that's not o.k.

i would sit down and spell it out for him.
-you can appreciate their working relationship.
-you realize he has his own friends
-you do NOT appreciate work interferring with home
-you do not appreciate carpooling that you don't know about and it makes you uncomfortable
-you do NOT appreciate phone calls about personal things when he should be focusing time on you and your kids and home life.

be honest with him. tell him that she intimidates you and you feel threatened. ask him to prove to you that nothing is going on. tell him that you are feeling bad about it and you don't want to, but you feel like he's being distant and would rather be with her.

he may or may not realize what he's doing.
bottom line:
if he's worth your love, then he'll keep his work at work.
if he doesn't, then you may want to seek counseling or a lawyer

take care:)

P.S.
another idea....after you talk to him about things....if he hasn't cheated or says he hasn't, then take this time to work on your relationship.
he may be geting some attention or certain feelings from her that he's not getting from you.
make time to LOVE each other again. get the bedroom hot and heavy. go to dinner just the two of you. turn off the tv and play a game or just hold each other and talk about your day witha bottle of wine.

my point....get back to basics. sometimes we forget to love our lovers and they start to find other people exciting.
show him that woman he married....show him that she's still there!