Should a sex-offender be allowed to marry and lead a normal life?

Question

My neighbours son is just 19 years of age and intends to marry his girlfriend later in the year.
When he was just 12 years of age, he sexually molested his younger sister, who was only 4 at the time.
He had extensive counselling after it occurred.
Should his fiance know about this offence and should he be allowed to marry and lead a normal life?
We all make mistakes and I suppose we are entitled to a happy life.
Do you think it will affect his future with his wife and possibly, children, if they have any?
thanks.

Answer 1

He should definitely be upfront with his fiance or it will just end up coming up later and she will get mad because he didn't tell her. He was really young at the time and at that curious age when he did what he did. That doesn't make it right at all but maybe he wasnt' trying to be hurtful. Just a curious adolescent. If he hasn't done anything since then he be rehabilitated. As a mother though I would still be extra cautious if I were to have my kids around him.

Answer 2

RSO aren't the worse criminals in fact most of their victims as still amongst the living. That's a plus ... Murders have busied 12ft deep wo/ no hope, joy, family, or future. Everyone is a victim this isn't want person on this we sight or any other that has bn wrongfully accused or abused by the system. It's couldn't have something dumb in high-school , grade school, college. All phases of life where a dumb decision crosses ur mind and u act on it. I'm a victim maybe not of sexual abuse but of shitty dad. No biggy but I don't blame his behavior for any of my faijts( not to say u do) I just get registration .. IM SCARED so mark this man women or teen forever. It's already proven statistically that these type of offenses are committed "In-hous" instead of being scared if the neighbor look at ur uncle, ur dad, ur brother, ur creepy gramps! Point is not fair and ur security can't effect u in the worst way or u can fight for right to live a free life. Play buy the rules and have a G-life

Answer 3

That's a tough one. Of course he has the right to marry as every human does. But his future wife definitely has the right and need to know about his past. Things like that can and often do reappear later in life and she should be forewarned. I'm not sure who would be the right person to tell her though. Maybe his mother? You could talk to her about it. Actually he should but I doubt he will. I've been there, in the wife's shoes that is and found out the hard way many years later after my daughter was forever damaged. So yeah, it could affect his future but he should be given a chance that maybe he's learned and it won't happen again. Most importantly, pray for them. Good luck

Answer 4

It's so difficult to say when there are other things you need to know. For example, maybe his fiancee already knows about this offense in his past. He may be continuing with therapy at different times in his life.
It would be difficult to always be walking on eggshells with a woman who loves you and whom you love when what is past is past.
Not only do we all make mistakes but he was 12 when he made his. There are states that consider 12 to be almost the beginning of adulthood when it comes to a crime (I really was shocked to learn this). Yet there are 12 year olds who are older than their years and some who are very immature. They mature later and 'catch up' with others' maturity, just as everyone matures at a different pace. But this mistake remains a fact in your neighbor's past.
It is extremely difficult to go back and experience being 12 again and know what the world looked like or how your reasoning operated back then. No matter how psychologists measure it, everyone is individual.
His parents have had to live with his history too, and his sister - they love and support him, I'm assuming you know that for a fact. His fiancee would only be puzzled, repulsed and confused if someone told her who wasn't in that immediate circle.
He and his wife may never have children. There marriage may not last for reasons as trivial as financial conflicts or incompatibility. If they do stay together and have children, don't you think the life-altering experience of becoming a father will be a little different than what he felt when he was 12?
My answer is: with all that has been done with his cooperation, he deserves to make the best of his life after an incident that occurred before he was even an adolescent.

Answer 5

If he was 25 and molested a 12 year old then I think my answer would be different.

He was 12 and notoriously they do not make the best of decisions. You say he had extensive counseling and has obviously gone on to have a healthy and happy relationship.

Hopefully he has told her of his past so that if it comes up later in life it will not be a shock but it is in no way any of your business to tell anyone anything.

Parents feel differently about their children (most not all parents) and usually feel protective towards them. Perhaps he will be an even better parent because he knows what stupid choices kids can make and he will be more aware of what is going.

Answer 6

Sexual offenses follow people around for the rest of their lives. There's a good chance she knows about it.

Personally, I think pedophiles and rapists are sick people, however, not everybody on the offenders list is what you think. Consider the 18 year old who slept with a 17 year old girlfriend. Also, in my state you can get a felony conviction for urinating on the side of a road (even a gravel one)!

He was only 12 and it was wrong, but maybe therapy has helped. If her were any older I'd think he was a true pedophile, but I'm not a psychologist. I think many people are not able to rehabilitate, but some people are. Consider the offense.

Answer 7

I think the fiance has a right to know, but you shouldn't be the one to tell her. If he was molesting his sister at 12 yrs. old chances are he was probably molested himself at some point in time in his life. Hopefully the counseling helped since he was at a young age (I don't think counseling works on adult offenders). There is always the possibility he could molest again.

Answer 8

She should know of it--pedophiles cannot be re-habilitated.Years may pass but they offend again. Yes it will affect their future children and their lives. Abusing children is not simply a 'mistake' . A mistake is something which you do not do intentionally, he was not being 'curious' -that is ludercrous, that is why he chose young children, they are compliant and may not tell, he knew exactly what he was doing. Sexually abusing children which takes fore-thought, is illegal and immoral. He should be in prison. Think about it--what could he have done worse then to have sexual contact with those 2 little innocent girls? aside from murdering them, in a way he did murder them, I know a sexually abused girl, her life is destroyed.

Answer 9

I have heard of this before. Sometimes when a child molests another child they are just doing what was done to them. He is labeled a sex-offender but if the incident was not repeated it does not necessarily mean he has a problem and will continue to molest. Real sex-offenders(pedifiles and rapists) cannot control themselves and continue to molest even after treatment.

Answer 10

Wow, good question. Honestly, I think he should be allowed to get married, but he needs to tell his wife about this past and I wouldn't advise having children in less they are BOTH sure that he will nnot repeat the cycle of abuse.