why is he doing this?

Question

My soon-to-be-ex husband has been putting 100% of the blame on our marriage ending from day one. He says everything is my fault, and that he is not to blame at all for what has happened. I know I had my faults, yes, who doesn't? BUT it takes two ... why is he belittleing me and trying to make me feel worse than I already do?

Answer 1

HB,
you have a lot of good answers here from decent people. There is likely a little of something in each answer for you to take, apply, and use for your benefit. As a person I truly feel for you and the anguish you are confronted with - but at some point it will pass. (Easier for me to say than to experience and right now likely feels like an eternity for you and your child).

Do yourself a favor - take something from each of the above statements and slowly break your ability of allowing your former husband to bother you.

In the mean time and for the sake of your child ensure you have your husbands Social Security Number, start educating yourself on the process on what you have to do to ensure that HE pays child support to you for your child. "Reasons" will never be fully explained as to why or what he did - when you have the chance to apply what you have read above and below my statement - get yourself together for the forthcoming financial battle that will soon lay before you.

Best of luck - I like many others here would like to see you "taken care of" in the appropriate, dignified, and respectful manner that you and your child deserve.

Answer 2

I'll try here to give you something that's actually useful. It isn't because he's a man, it's because he's a person. One of the hardest things any of us, regardless of gender, can do in life is to take responsibility for what we've done wrong. You can't make him stop blaming you. But you can stop letting it get to you. When we make a break with someone, it can leave us feeling very vulnerable and hurt, so it's like having an open wound, and a lot of people lash out at others, rather than having to deal with themselves, so he's pouring salt into the wound. The best thing you can do right now is to simply move on. It doesn't matter whose fault it was, and it sounds like maybe you're letting him drag you into the blame game. Look at your marriage honestly, learn from the mistakes you made, and use the failure of it to both make you a better person and to refine what you look for in another person. In other words, keep the good, because something made you marry him in the first place, and walk away from the bad. His problems, now that you're divorced, are just that, and you have your own problems to deal with, so don't let him make it harder on you by accepting a little of the burden of his grudge.

Answer 3

The fact that you are heart broken shows that you still love him. If you do not love him anymore, you will not care what he says and what he does to you. If you still love him, pls think deeper whether you are ready to divorce him and let him go. Talk to him nicely. Tell him you are sorry for your faults. I do not know what are your faults but you sounded that you know what are your faults and that your husband do not seem to be able to forgive you. Tell him, faults happen are in the past. Nobody is perfect. People make mistakes. He too make mistakes. The biggest mistake is for him not to be able to forgive you and forget the past. If indeed you still love him, try to save your marriage by talking to him and both of you need to reconcile. Divorce is not the answer. It will only continue to hurt both of you if you still love each other. You have come this far in marriage. Why just let it go?

Answer 4

Because men never see there own faults My soon to be X is putting all the blame on me too only becausehe was such a perfect husband, its all about control dont and besides the more he belittles you the better he feels about him self

Answer 5

No one is comfortable admitting that they have failed so it's easier to put blame on the other person in the relationshp. Are there children involved? If so, you need to talk to your soon to be ex-husband and let it be known that you will not tolerate being blamed for the breakup of your marriage and that you need to have/maintain mutual respect for one another for the childrens sake. Best of luck.

Answer 6

That's easy to answer. He's doing and saying these things to make hims self look better. He knows you weren't the only one doing things wrong he just can't admit to it yet or maybe never will. Sorry to tell you this but, this may just be beginning. I've been through it already and my ex claimed it was all my doing for 9 yrs straight even had some people believing him.

Answer 7

Well, have you ever heard of a guilty conscience! Sounds like he is well aware of his part in the downfall of your marriage, but he is being a typical man. He is refusing to take responsiblity for his part. Don't let it bother you, this is quite common when relationships go bad, one partner will usually try to do their best to come out smelling like a rose (they think anyways) but most people know the truth, it takes two, whether to make it work or fail, it takes two.

Answer 8

Because you are letting him. Stop believing or listening to what he says. You know the truth. It is easier for him to blame you than to take responsibility for his part in the downfall of your marriage.

Answer 9

He wants to make himself look good and is blaming you. It's just easier for him to do than rather than take responsibility like a real man should.

Answer 10

He is immature and he feels it looks better if you are the bad one. He just doesnt want people looking at him after the fact and passing blame on him.