My 13 yo boy is getting involved w/ a 23 yo woman, what should I do?

Question

I got to know this yesterday. I talked to one of his friends, a boy I trust, and he he said my boys sees her like a second mom, but he saw her touching him not exactly like a mom. His friend said she is beautiful and he thinks, likes teen boys, especially those that, like mine, are sensitive and somewhat innocent for his age. I talked to my boy, he told me he got to know her at a a swimming pool. He assured me he sees her like a second mom, but fessed she asked him to help her w/ her bra that got unclipped. My boy ended up crying and resentful, said he likes her because she gives him love and at home he feels left out, says I give much more attention to my 15 yo girl than to him and he thinks he's a good boy - actually he's a great boy - and deserves love although he's a boy. He admitted once she touched him somewhat like a woman touches a man but he's sure she likes him like a little bro. I'm lost, don't kow what to do, if she was a guy and he was a girl, this would be illegal.

He asked me Did you know I'm in the honor roll at school? I didn't, he didn't tell me. Then he saids he didn'rt tell me because he thought it wouldn't be important to me.

Answer 1

I would say no, its illegal. I would suggest you have a conversation with the 23 year old woman and remind her of the severe penalties involved in child molestation.

Answer 2

Are you seriously asking strangers to help you with this?
What is a 23 year old doing hanging out with kids your son's age?
Your son craves the 'mom-like' attention this 23 year old is giving him. Taking this away may turn him against you.
On the other hand, this is the time when boys are becoming aware of their bodies.
First, talk to her, tell her you are afraid your son is getting the wrong impression, and ask her to be more aware of how he might view her.
Next, limit how often he can see her.
Last, invite yourself along randomly so you can see how they interact.
Yes, it is still illegal even though she's a woman - it's called statutory and molestation and lewd & lasivious. The law doesn't care that the older party is a female.
The police have to know that there is something going on in order to act on it. Until you have proof or the testimony of your son or a witness, they can't do anything. You need to be your child's protector.

Answer 3

The first thing I would do is go to this pool where they met and have him point her out to me. Then after I would call the police knowing what she looks like and that she is doing something illegal.

She is 10 years older than him. She needs to get a guy her own age or older not a little 13 yr old boy.

Second thing try to do more things with your son so that he won't be trying to find love in the wrong places with people that are aware that he is still Innocent and in a child mind set.


I think that you should end this relationship before it gets any worse.


Good Luck!

Answer 4

It is indeed a big problem. First, it is illegal someone being sexually involved to a minor, no matter if the "pedophile" is a man or a woman. So, I think you should talk to that woman first and if it doesn't work you should get authorities involved in this case.
Second, your son tells you sometimes you give more attention to your daughter than to him, just try give him some more attentions and then he'll realize he doesn't need that woman anymore... just try to go out with your kids more often or do things with both together, I believe it will help.

Answer 5

I do believe you treat your children differently. because i am 100% sure if this was your daughter and a 23 year old man you wouldn't be on the website asking for a advice You would be at the police station raising all types of hell! I feel you need confront this child molester and tell her she violating her boundaries with your son! Go to the police and file a complaint and ban your son from going over there! More importantly get involved in your son’s life because clearly you aren’t! How do you not know what’s going on in his school life! No wonder he is looking for a mother figure! Enroll in some counseling, and love your children equally! Put forth some effort to make your son feel special! Because if you don’t make him feel special at home, he will go look for it some were else! IE Gangs and Drugs!
GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Answer 6

ok first things first: he´s underage, and she´s not. Its wrong. I dont know if statutory rape applies for young boys with adult women as well as vice versa but i imagine it should be so.
Secondly, you and your son need a heart to heart conversation. Its obvious you love him, so where in the communicative process is this love lost so it doesn´t reach him? Teenage years are difficult, try to put some time aside exclusively for him. Even if its just plopping yourself down on the couch with him while he´s watching TV and asking him what the show is about, it shows an interest in HIS interests, and that helps. Tell him you adore him and ask him to help you show your love to him better, that its perfectly ok for him to tell you anything he wants, cause you will never be bored with things that concern the most important people in your life!! Let him know he can trust you and that you´re there for him, and explain to him that even though you know that what he feels for this woman is normal, what she may be feeling for him seems out of line, since its not normal for an adult woman to seek "manly" companionship from a boy who hasn´t finished developing into a man. If she only loved him like a little bro, she would not try touching him like a man. Speak to him first but be very clear that you are considering reporting her behavior to the authorities, and that he should trust you on this, its something you´re doing FOR him and not AGAINST him.
Difficult road you´re on!! Best of luck!!!

Answer 7

I hear your concerns. It is a positive that your child has express some of his thoughts to you regarding this 23 year old lady. Give him praise for that. Now, you need to discuss this matter with the 23 year old woman. She may deny the accusations. If that be the case then you need to express to the lady that your son is confused about the relationship they have. You then need to give her a warning to stay away from your child. You then need to talk more with your son and you may have to get him some sort of therapy maybe see a family therapist. Your son, has expressed some areas that do concern me. Keep a close eye on him and keep the communication line open between you and his friends. Write down any information you may have about this lady. You may need it in the future. Good Luck!
P.S
Please keep in mind that our sons need to be shown love just like the girls. Spend more time with him.

Answer 8

Sounds like you need to becaome more involved with your son. He is speaking to you & telling you that he feels left out. He wants your affection and your attention. Noone said treat him like a girl, but do some one on one activities with him. Ask him to do some things with you. Whether it's playing a board game, a video game, burning CD's, catching a movie, going out to dinner, exercising.....etc...Something. Start checking his homework. Ask him about his friends, his day at school. It is extremely important to keep the lines of communication open with both your children. Especially while they are willing to talk.

As for that nasty bi!ch, you need to let her know her behavior is unacceptable & will not be tolerated. She is too damn old to be friends with a 13 year old. And if she has the interest in your son, you described, then she is sick....You need to get your son away from that nutjob. I would call the police. The fact that she touched your son in a personal private place is illegal. It's called molestation. You can definitely get the police involved.

Just be careful as to how you handle it in your son's eyes. You don't want to push him towards her nor make him feel like defending her.

Best of Luck...

Answer 9

That's super creepy. What's a 23 year old woman want with a 13 year old boy? *baffles*

Besides the obvious problem of the 23 year old... it sounds like the kid is in need of some attention. You should have a day for just the two of you and do something he likes. I think the best way to know what your kid is up to, especially at that age and the years to come, is to make sure the lines of communication are open. Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

The same laws that are in pace to protect young women are also there to protect young men too. If I where you I'd make it very clear that this women made no further contact witn my son. That's how it all gets started, these preditors prey on children who don't have a good at home relationship or who are having diffaculty with they're parent(s). They befriend them, gain there trust, and eventully take advantage of them. You need to do everything possiable to protect you son before it's to late, Talk to this women & tell her never to talk/have any contact with your child. Contact the police & let them decide if what she has allowed to happen is illegal. Explain to your child why his relationship with this woman is inaproperate.Get him involved with sports or some thing where he is around people his age.You never mentioned a father?? WHERE IS HIS FATHER?

Answer 11

My question is, where is the father-figure in all of this? Your son needs a strong male role-model to show him the attention and love that he needs and to teach him about inappropriate relationships. Coming from you this could sound like jealousy over his "second mom" (which is totally understandable, because no mom wants to hear that she is being replaced in any way).

Aside from all of that, you need to act FAST! This relationship with this woman is NOT going anywhere good. Find out her name and some basic information on her (what her car looks like, etc) and get the police involved. You need to file a restraining order now, and talk to your son about appropriate relationships. Then get involved in his life. The last thing you want is a son who has become a sexual victim. There could be trauma and life long scarring, if this woman has any further contact with him.

Get on this fast, or it could cost you your son's mental and sexual health.