My husband and daughter do not get along although somedays are better than others. She has a dad that talks crap in her ear 24/7 about my husband. My husband has been in her life since she was 3 and she is now 11 years old. Last night we had a talk and she told me that she hates my husband and he is trying to take her dads place. I assured her that this was not the case that he just loved her and wanted the best for her. She then told me that she feels that I love my husband more than her because I always take his side when she gets in trouble which simply is not true. I just don't know what to do anymore. SOmetimes I feel I should leave my husband but other times I feel my daughter is just being silly. I'm confused about the whole deal. How do I help them get along? My daughter has now started to threaten me into telling the court she wants to live with her dad. I just can't see a judge giving custody to someone so irresponisible and immature but thats a whole different story!
2007-05-25 03:25:11 · 6 answers · asked by Mellycat123 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is not abusing my daughter in anyway!!! I know this for a fact.
2007-05-25 03:46:01 · update #1
It sounds like your daughter isn't being silly; she's being manipulated. It's really her father who has the biggest problem with your husband, and he's using your daughter to lash out at him (and probably you).
What her father doesn't understand (or maybe care about) is that he is doing a tremendous disservice to your daughter as well. By sowing the seeds of discord in your household, he is depriving her of a caring, cohesive family. I hope he's proud of himself.
I wish I had the silver bullet to fix this. If you sit your daughter down and try to tell her what I said above, either she or her father will likely turn it around and claim that YOU are one doing the manipulation, trying to trick her into liking your husband.
Whatever you do, DO NOT insult her father to her. That will just force her to choose sides. And it's possible that you and your husband will come out on the losing end of that, at least temporarily. You can point out what _behaviors_ you think her father are doing that you think are wrong and why, but don't call him names.
Good luck.
2007-05-25 03:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by ryanker1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The XXX she hears from your Ex aside, just precisely why does your daughter hate your new husband? Remember, 11 year olds are not adults - and can confuse things terribly. But find out precisely why she hates Current.
I mean, it's possible that your feelings about your EX may cloud your judgment about your Current. That can have some serious consequences - especially if there's the even slightest possibility that Current is - er- well - um - abusing your daughter in any way. So take this very seriously.
It's important to go to family counseling together - You, Current and Daughter - and invite Ex to join in the fracas as well. It can do a lot to nip a lot of this in the bud. Ex will have to admit feeding Daughter a line of hooey about Current. Daughter will have to see Ex as the crum-bum he is. Current will be able to clear his image as Satan incarnate and you will get peace of mind and some tools you need in dealing with this mess.
But remember - if you have to choose - choose your daughter.
2007-05-25 03:39:02 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy has she got you wrapped around her little finger. When she says you take your husbands side, you should say YES I DO! We are the adults and are doing what is best for you. If she threatens to try and live with her dad, let her. No Judge will let her, especially since the reason is she can't get her own way in your house. Don't let this child rule the house! Stick by your hubby and be firm!!!
2007-05-25 03:33:28 · answer #3 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my goodness, please just listen to yourself for a minute. You just discover the main reason why your daughter is behaving the way she is without knowing.
Its her dad using her to destroy your marriage, this is his way getting back at you for breaking up with him or not marring him. When was the last time you have a talk with her dad about filling bad things into head? Well have you thought about letting her spending some times (few weeks) or part of the summer maybe the whole summer with her dad and let her see how good she have it with her step-dad? Maybe this will open up your daughter eyes about her biology dad. What do you think?
2007-05-25 03:43:14 · answer #4 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im really surprised by her behavior since he has been in her life for so long. Maybe you shouldnt allow your husband to punish her. Dont let her run all over him either but just let him know she is having trouble accepting him because she already has her real father in her life.
2007-05-25 03:38:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amen to kitkat. She speaks wisely.
2007-05-25 03:37:11 · answer #6 · answered by jaicee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋