Wives, have you ever felt like you are being the 'man' of the house?

Question

This question applies to homemakers, and especially to working mothers. Cooking, house chores, taking care of children while having a career, do you think plumbing, fixing electrical stuff, washing the car, changing the battery of a dead wall clock etc..etc ( trivial stuff but it matters to you as a woman), should also be done by us, women? Is this ok, acceptable? What do you think the role of a man in the house should be?
What are shared responsibilities, wife's responsibilities and husband's responsibilities in building a good relationship and a lasting marriage? How do you communicate effectively so your spouse will accept that a woman should not feel that she is the man of the house, because if she does, then, what good is having a man in the house?

Please share your views. Husbands, your views are also welcome and will be very much appreciated.

I would also love to hear from the older generation, who believes that they are successful in marriage.

Answer 1

I think it all goes back to upbringing. What values were taught at home. Did the husband have a father in the home - a good father - who taught him the values of what a man should do to care for his family. I think there are jobs that are unspokenly deemed as gender specific chores. For instance, cutting grass, fixing cars, changing difficult to reach light bulbs, lifting anything heavy, plumbing and washing the car, to me, are MEN jobs. However, are we being fair to our husbands? Those of us who work outside the home expect our husbands to also cook, do laundry and tend to the kids from time to time. So then should we do all those "men" chores from time to time too? Of course we "should" but do we? No. I think that if both parties work outside the home, all household chores should be split. And there is no such thing as 50/50 because it won't always be that cut and dry. There will be some weeks where he'll do more or where you'll do more. But the point is you do what it takes to make the home successful and raise a healthy family. Now, with that said, men are physically stronger than us women, so some jobs that my husband does around the house, I just cannot do, nor do I want to. So neither do I nag him to wash dishes, do laundry, etc. I do what I can and he does what he can. I don't expect him to do it all and he doesn't expect that from me either. I think we have a good working relationshp and the common agreement to what our "jobs" are. We never had to talk about it, we never sat down and made a schedule, it just works that way. There are days when I'm just tired and if I know he worked a light schedule I'll call him and ask if he could cook dinner that night. If he does, and the grass also needs cut, I have no expectations that he'll cook AND cut the grass. The grass can wait. That's the key too, not over doing it. Rome wasn't built in a day and there will ALWAYS be chores. Sometimes you just have to let things go for a little while so that neither of you gets burned out. That's my take, hope I helped.

Answer 2

We don't have a division of responsibilities, really. We follow the motto: "If I see something that needs doing, I do it." Sometimes our definition of what "needs to be done" differs, but this works really well for us. There are also some times we have to agree that whoever has more time will have to do it. For example when it snows, who will shovel the walks in the morning before work.

We also have different talents. My husband is good with plants and gardening and I'm not. So I let him do most of the yard work. I do a better job of cleaning than he does so I usually take over that part of the household chores.

I am a working mom, although the children are almost grown now. I was mainly responsible for raising them since my husband was not home a lot when they were very small. As soon as they were old enough I went back to work.

A relationship is very hard work and there have been times when I was not sure if I was up to it. But, after many discussions, things seem to work out and we have been married for almost 21 years now and still going strong. It is the responsibility of both the husband and the wife to be flexible and be ready to compromise in order for the relationship to endure.

As for your question about how to communicate effectively, you should be careful not to nag. Give him plausible reasons why he should do the chore (and I don't mean "just because he's the man"). And above all remain calm and show your willingness to cooperate.

Answer 3

I don't believe in gender specific chores (I don't think a woman must do the dishes while the man cuts the grass). However, I do think that the chores need to be divided up. Sometimes, I actually like to fix household items, cut the grass, wash the car, etc., but I don't want to have to do all of those things plus always be responsible for childcare, dishes, laundry, etc. I think many men (not all) take the traditional route and feel as though women should be responsible for the house & kids because they (men) worked at their job for 8 hours. But what they don't realize is that we work, too. Whether as a stay-at-home parent or in the workforce, women's lives are very demanding.

A good book on the subject is "The Second Shift" (I forget the author's name). I think you would find it interesting.

Answer 4

I want to know too! Right now I am the man of the house. I am the bread winner, the organizer, the grocery shopper, and pay all of the bills.

Ideally, I think the man should make equal income to a women and I think the man should work just as hard as women.

And both partners will bring to the table their own skills so those skills should be dished out.

So if the women is good with cars then she takes care of that but then the man has to step it up and wash it.. everything should be equal and fair -- if one is doing too much then that's a problem -- I feel as though this generation there is no man of the house -- its more like a partnership to run the house together --

Answer 5

I'm married 28 years and we have a very traditional marriage.
I have also worked off and on during the years and raised two daughters.
We divide chores on the basis of whoever does it best.
I do the checkbook, make all decisions on anything within our home and property. I consult with him on purchases and preferences, but the final decision is mine. I look on my home as a business that needs to be competently run.
He is a trucker, on the road quite a bit, so that means the majority of child rearing and minor household repairs fall to me, and its fine.
He does the heavy stuff, and makes most of the money. Hes quite talented at plumbing and painting and carpentry, I'm better at paperhanging. We wash cars as needed by whomever sees it. I am frightened by electrical work, not rational, but there it is.
He takes out the garbage.
The most important thing in this isn't who does the work, but what is their attitude toward each other. If there is mutual respect, then who changes a battery isn't very important.
A minor thing can become a point of contention when you are angry.
A handyman can substitute for a husband if that's all you think having a man in the house means. But its more than that.

Answer 6

Yes I always feel like I am the man of the house as I am the major breadwinner as well as a homemaker if smething goes wrong I fix it I pay all the bill it is sooooo stressful, I complain i try to get my hubby to play a bigger role but all to no avail I dont understand how men could be so lazy. It really is frustrating.

I think responsiblites should be shared and in the event that one spouse cant do something the other should automatically do it I am only 23 and I am up to my neck in stress with a young 16 month baby.

Answer 7

My friends jokingly call my husband my wife,lol. I am a stay at home mom of three kids, ages 13,8 and 5. My husband works 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and drives 45 min each way to work.

Since I am home more often and can run errands when stores are open, I tend to be the one who does everything. I cook, clean, child rear, fix whatever is broken in the house, do the bills, the auto maintenance and whatever else needs to be done around the house and yard. I also lay out his clothes and get his towel for his shower and make his lunch while he is dressing.

My husband is helpless. The man would roll out of bed and wear whatever he grabed if I didn't lay matching clothes out,rofl. I mean, the man never wore a matching pair of sox until we moved in together and I started doing his laundry. Heck, he used to keep all his clothes in a hamper and wash them all in warm water when he couldn't find something clean... He says he knows whites go in hot and colors in cold, so he figured washing them all in warm would work. I had to teach him how to write a check out to pay a bill.

I love the man dearly and I wish he could be more help, but when he tries its a disaster or very time consuming. Its just easier if I do it myself.

I don't mind being responsible for it all, he does work and provide for me and the kids, two of which are from my first marriage and their father pays no support because he is a bum who skipped state and doesn't hold a job. It works for us. We each do what we are good at, I'm just good at more than he is.

My view is that whatever works for each individual marriage is ok. We are both 31, so we aren't the older generation you are looking for, but our marriage is very similar to his parents marriage and they have been married for 50 years. The only difference is that I am like his dad and he is like his mom!

Answer 8

I love to do anything to take care of my wife. By the same token, I do not believe that there are men's tasks verses women's tasks. I prefer for my wife to not have to do difficult or uncomfortable tasks, such as plumbing or mowing the lawn, but I would never tell her that those are a man's tasks.

I worked with a woman who loved to mow and work in her yard. One of my best friends is a man who loves to cook and his cooking is excellent.

another of my best friends is a woman who lives alone and she does everything. She mows the lawn, plants the flowers, does the plumbing and does some of her own car repairs. Does that make her a man?

Rather than supporting old stereo types, why not create a strong family unit capable of supporting each other? When my grandfather died my grandmother had to figure out how he did his tasks on her own. She had never done those tasks in the 30 years they lived in that house. Is that really a good idea? Not only did she have to morn her husband, but she had to figure out his system without him there to show her.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 9

Me and him always share responsibilities. If I cook, I politely ask him to take care of the dishes for me which he feels is fair. He takes the garbage out and does any heavy-duty work. He does not like to clean though, which i'm trying to find a solution to that-he can be kinda messy but so can i because we work a lot and we're never home. We don't have kids so I can't help with that one. We respect each other so we try our best to take care of each other. Things don't go perfect all the time though. If you sit down with each other and figure out a list of who can do what without being frustrated or mean to each other, a lot can be accomplished!

Answer 10

I don't feel like the man of the house...that is my husband's job. Actually, my husband is the man of the house and the woman of the house. He cooks, cleans, bathes the kids, does all the repairs and laundry, reads to the kids, helps them with their homework, etc.

I used to TRY to do stuff around the house. But I figured out that really my husband wants everything to be done his way. So I stopped trying. It keeps me from getting my feelings hurt. We're very happy.

I figured out what every other wife has to learn...if he's happy, everyone's happy. So I work to make him happy.