Men-- I need some honest answers...women can respond as well.?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. Our relationship seems to be a happy and stable one. He recently went back to school in the evenings and he works full time during the day as do I. When he arrives home after school, I am usually asleep because I need to wake up early for work. Obviously, this has effected the frequency of our being intimate with one another. We have spoken about it and both decided that we could cope with the situation for the next few months while he finishes school. We make a point of spending our weekends together and making up for lost time then. Well, I was on the computer last night and I discovered that he had been looking at some nude pictures of women. Now, I know that men look at porn and I am for the most part fine with it. I have accepted that is a fact of life. But the pictures that he had been viewing were of an asian woman and a blonde woman. I am neither asian nor blonde. But his ex wife happens to be asian.

Basically, my question is...if he was really attracted to me...why look at pictures of nude women that have absolutley nothing in common with me? I am 5'6 and am told that I am very attractive. I know that I am being immature and I should just let it go. It just hurts me that he chooses to look at women that are closer physically to his ex wife than they are to me. It causes me to question whether he is really attracted to me. I would appreciate mature and kind responses.

I want to thank you all for your responses. I realize that I was being too sensitive. I feel much better after reading your opinions regarding my situation.:) I think I will just let it go and make the most of the upcoming three day weekend!:)

Answer 1

I don't think I'd worry about it, at this point. With not seeing eachother much, and I take it you are both young, his hormones don't stop working. Young men have an increadable sex drive. You don't need to be insecure about it either. There are only a few months left, as you said.

Talk to him about it with an open mind. It could also spice things up between you. It's my guess, with infrequent intimacy, he may be .....relieving some pressure. This is a good thing and can be healthy both physicaly and mentally.

I would try to find some time to be together beside the weekends too. Take a nap before he gets home, then you can be awake to spend some 'quality' time together.

Hang in there.

Answer 2

I had the same experience. My husband(fiance at the time) was looking at porn on the internet of black and white girls. I am hispanic, so I was taken back for a second. But it didnt really bother me because I knew he had been with both before me. But anyhow, it is just porn and I dont have a preference myself when i view it either. So no worries he probably just found that girl attractive and thats all.

Answer 3

First off - he has CHOSEN to be with you physically and emotionally - right?

Now, he (being male) will feel the urge to "have sex" more often than you two have arranged. So, actually, him looking at these pics is a good thing because they AREN'T similar to you. He (in his own way) is trying to be true to you - "I am not doing anything dishonest by masturbating to these images because they are only images, and images as different from my girlfriend as possible and still be sexually arousing to me."

No, I didn't say guys make sense.

Relax (for now). Don't worry. In a few months, when he is done with school, this should go away. If it doesn't, then you need to talk to him about it.

Answer 4

I thought you two agreed that you were going to 'cope' with not being able to be intimate TOGETHER until he's done w/ school? It's not like he is cheating on you and you found some pics of him with other women...

COUPLE QUESTIONS: Do you honestly think men are the only sex looking at pornography? Why were you looking up what he was doing on the computer? Are you always so paranoid?

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COUPLE MORE THINGS: Don't treat him like a child. (this is rediculous): "It's only pictures so don't worry about. He was bored and had too much time alone. Talk calmly with him about it and make more effort to be with him."

TOO MUCH TIME ALONE? He's not a kid or teenager. He's an adult capable of making his own decisions and doesn't need to be babysat. TALK CALMLY TO HIM? Why? Because he may cry and run to his room if you don't?

TELL HIM WHAT YOU FOUND... He'll know that your snooping on him, don't trust him, and being immature. He'll probably leave you and be a LOT better off for it.

Grow up, quit snooping, learn to trust, and learn to treat him like an adult. Until then, continue b1tching about him to your girlfriends and stop dating...

Answer 5

You are probably making more out of it than there really is. Like some other people's comments, I feel that those are only pictures. Just fantasizing and nothing more.

It's not like he is contacting these women nor his ex. If there were proof of emailing or phone conversations, then that's another thing. But for now, just let it be. You'll only get yourself upset for nothing.

Take it for face value unless your really have a hunch of something else. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

i wouldnt worry. you could have just as easily noticed that her eyes were a different color, or she was taller than you. if he was looking at men, then you might be concerned.

men are not interested in just one type of woman. He may find asian women attractive, blondes, caucasian, short, tall, green eyed, and anything else too.

by the way, stop snooping on his viewing history. If he listened to your phone conversations, how would you feel? I'm sure he would hear somethings you consider private.

Answer 7

I feel that your boyfriend is very normal. Since you need to get a good nights rest as you get up early for work, he doesn't want to disturb you. I would be really concerned if he was doing more than just looking at pictures on your home computer etc. He could be out and about really doing something he shouldn't be doing. Good Luck! ss

Answer 8

Men are visually stimulated, and like you said, they like to look. It's only "wrong" if it interferes with or replaces a healthy sex life, or if it is an all-consuming thing. If he gets in trouble at work because he can't stay off the porn sites from 8-5, or if he can't finish his homework because they posted new pictures on boobs-r-us.com, then it's a problem.

So you're okay with the basic concept of him looking at pictures on the internet. Now why is it only okay for him to look at women who look like you? What if he was looking at a red head who was taller than you? Or an Asian with dyed blonde hair with smaller breasts?

It's the variety that makes it exciting. I'm in the seeming minority of women who enjoy taking a look every now and then, and I don't confine my internet searches to men who look exactly like my husband. It's the variety that makes it interesting. I would never leave my husband, and wouldn't change a thing about him, but I see nothing wrong with looking at people who aren't him.

He loves you for who you are. As long as he continues to love you, let him have this part of his life.

Answer 9

Here we go again with the porn thing. Just because a guy looks at porn of women that look nothing like their partner in NO WAY means he is not attracted to you. It’s fun to switch things up every now and then. Maybe he just finds those particular women attractive. Don’t be so self-conscious.

Answer 10

I'm a bit confused on what the problem is, if you're okay with him looking at these photos. Does it matter that the girls he's looking at aren't all similar to you?

I was in your same situation for four months last fall because my bf was working and in school, both full-time. I don't think it really matters to him what colour the girl's hair is!