It is him who wants the divorce as he is "no longer happy" in the marriage. He says leaving lawyers out of it and doing the paperwork ourselves will save a lot of money. I don't know divorce law and I am very shocked and hurt by his sudden decision to leave. I should mention, we have a brand new baby daughter, a house that we owe more on than it's worth and our fair share of other forms of debt. I'm just overwhelmed right now and not sure at all what to do.
2007-05-25 03:06:39 · 20 answers · asked by Janie B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get an attorney for yourself. An attorney can only represent one of you. He can represent himself if he's that stupid.
I assume he is having an affair!
2007-05-25 03:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you didn't have assets and a child, I would say to go ahead and do your own paperwork. I did it with my first marriage and it was fine.
HOWEVER, you have a child and assest as well as marital debt. To make sure that you're getting fair treatment and don't end up responsible for debts that you cannot handle, get an attorney.
I hate to say it, but it sounds like he may not want an attorney involved because he doesn't want to be fair regarding custody, support and division of debt.
Remember, he is leaving you and your child. You will have to come out of this with decent credit and support so that you will be able to provide for your child and yourself. DO NOT allow ANYTHING to be put in writing or decided without legal representation.
Call a lawyer ASAP and start making arrangements to file for divorce. If you cannot afford an attorney, find one that will take payments and see if your husband can be held responsible for your attorney fees since he is the one who wanted divorce. I know in my state, many wives who have been in your situation have had as part of the divorce settlement that the husband had to pay their attorney fees. Usually, the court will allow for it if the wife did not work or is low income.
2007-05-25 03:18:15 · answer #2 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for the situation you are in. I left my ex husband when my daughter was 5 months old. Take it from me, you need your own lawyer. Do not do it yourself or use the same lawyer. With a child and assets there are too many ways to get screwed. A parenting plan has to be done...who will have primary custody? Visitation schedule? And how all expenses with the child will be broken down/? As far as assets, the lawyer can advise you the best way to divide and equally disperse debt. You have a long road ahead. Hang in there and keep your chin up on the "bad" days. My daughter is what got me through mine. Good luck.
2007-05-25 03:22:01 · answer #3 · answered by lesmodee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From someone who just went through a divorce, GET A LAWYER. We went the same route on based on her decision to save money. But since I didn't know family law, and did not want to make the wrong decisions, I went and got a lawyer. I spent a lot of money, but I know in the long run it was the best way to go, for my daughter's sake.
Having a lawyer will save you heartache and will help in the decision making process. Plus, when it comes to paperwork, they do this for a living, they know what they have to have.
Besides, when things become heated between you and your husband, and they will, all you have to say to him is, "I will speak to my lawyer before making any decisions..."
2007-05-25 03:14:23 · answer #4 · answered by Irish_5150 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The law regarding marital assets varies from state to state and he can very well be getting his own help on the side. I pays to be on the safe side, get an attorney or some kind of legal aid if he insist on doing this himself . There's an old saying, "A man who represents himself has a fool for an attorney." and I wrote that loosely because I don't know verbatim but I think you get the idea, get representation. Good luck! By the way Sunny is right, the only TWO PEOPLE you need to worry about are you and your daughter. don't listen to ANY of his sob stories, he is no longer your concern. I know it sounds mean but my father did this to my Mother and he really did her wrong much like Sunny's and I dug deep and got the full story and remembered much and my Mother took the blame so that no questions were asked as to why he left and I couldn't blame her for that- he was a low life pig and got caught in the end as they usually do. Just protect yourself and your daughters future for now Sweetie. Best Wishes.
2007-05-25 03:21:54 · answer #5 · answered by Becky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like something my ex would have tried on me if i'd have let him.
get yourself a lawyer and protect your interests. the divorce can still go thru if only one has a lawyer. have your lawyer write it up and do the work for you both....he only has to sign the papers to end it all. in the mean time, your rights are gonna be better protected with a lawyer.
depending on your income level, you might qualify for legal aid from the county you live in, in your state. perhaps that would help you get done what you need to, if you have a lower income.
your parental rights need protected! in Illinois, child support for one child is 25% of his income before taxes. i don't know what it is or if it is the same in other states, but it's something that gives you an idea of what to expect for child support.
my ex was a penny pincher too. he didn't have a lawyer thru our divorce, he just signed the papers when they were sent to him. in my case, everything was in my favor (sole custody, very limited visitation, and all the other things decided in the divorce). he chose to not get a lawyer, he could have afforded it.
my ex has made no attempt to see the two kids. one is now 19 and on his own, and the first time my ex showed up for court, was as soon as my son turned 18, so he could get child support lowered. he hasn't seen my daughter since she was 2 years old, she's now 14. he knows where we live, he knows how to contact me, or even my parents or brother. so it's not that i've kept the kids from him....he's chosen to not even attempt contact. he even tells people sob stories on how i did him wrong. let me ask this: how hard is it to send a birthday card? a holiday card? a letter? make a phone call?
anyway, i wish you the best. i'm sorry that you have to go thru this. i've been there and done that.
just make sure you take care of yourself and that baby girl! that is what has to come first...and what is most important.
make no unneccessary concessions because of guilt or sympathy/empathy.... take care of yourselves.
2007-05-25 03:19:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Get a lawyer.
Especially if you feel overwhelmed. Get a lawyer.
There are all kinds of issues here - debt/asset distribution, child support/custody, and a host of other problems here that you aren't qualified to handle - emotionally and professionally.
Get a lawyer.
Now that doesn't mean you can't do a lot of the "grunt work" that he and his staff normally do (and charge you for) so ask him about all that - but you need a lawyer. Pronto.
2007-05-25 03:17:36 · answer #7 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO !!! Don't do it. If he could leave you right after you have a baby he will cheat you on the divorce proceedings too. Don't tell him but get a lawyer before he has a chance to hide money or whatever he is up to. Do it NOW!
2007-05-25 03:12:20 · answer #8 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer today, and make him pay. If he wants out he should be the one to pay not you, a lawyer will take care of you. My soon to be ex, after 30 years of marriage wanted us to use the same lawyer to save money, I told him to forget it I wanted my own lawyer to make sure I get all I am entitled to.
2007-05-25 05:52:30 · answer #9 · answered by tannerlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lawyers are there to protect you. I think you should get a lawyer in your case because you need to protect your daughter's future.
Sounds like your husband is a pig.
Is there anyone in your family you can turn to for help with the lawyer's fees? I think you need the support of family now too, if that's possible.
Good luck to you and your daughter!
2007-05-25 03:10:51 · answer #10 · answered by searching_please 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would save money but you may get screwed in the process. Unless you are really knowledgeable about your rights I would not listen to him. Especially with a baby, house, and debt involved I would hire a lawyer. He doesnt have to if he doesnt want to but you should!
2007-05-25 03:12:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋