My wife and I have been discussing threesomes. Yes, I know they will ruin our marriage. I have heard it all before. Anyway, she has been with a few girls in her lifetime and would like to explore it again, this time with me involved as well. I am willing to do it for her sake, even though I am not 100% sure that I wont mind later, but I WILL NOT be touching the other girl...It wouldnt really be a real threesome, b/c I would ONLY be interacting with my wife. My wife tells me later that if I wanted her to have a threesome with myslef and a male freind, she would! I was VERY disgusted with this. I dont think my wife should be willing to sleep with ANYONE but me, even if it WERE to be a fantasy of mine (which it isnt). She said it was only to be fair about it since I would go through with another girl for her. But remember, I dont want another girl, she does, and I WOULD NOT be touching the girl. Am I wrong to be disgusted by my wifes willingness to have sex with another man?
2007-05-25 02:19:38 · 30 answers · asked by williamjohnwelch 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please be clear on this...this IS NOT a one way situation where I wanna do another girl with her but she cant do another guy with me. This is NOT the case. Bringing another girl in was HER idea and I am still not COMPLETELY sure I would want to do it. And I WOULD NOT be touching the other girl.
2007-05-25 02:21:49 · update #1
I think I could deal with her and another girl....I do love my wife enough that I am willing to bend pretty far with my beliefs to satisfy her....
2007-05-25 02:31:27 · update #2
It was also MY idea that I wouldnt touch the other female....I have no interest in any female besides my wife.
2007-05-25 02:32:47 · update #3
You are not enough for your wife. Accept this and please her or lose her. She has needs and the involve others. I would not hold out much hope that 5 years from now that you will still be married. I do not think that it is in your makeup to accept her needs and desires. Srart looking for painless way to end the relationship because it WILL end. Sorry! Good luck!
2007-05-25 02:52:51 · answer #1 · answered by Drew C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. It almost sounds like I asked this question! I know where you are coming from!
I don't think I could do it. Every married couple talks about it and some follow through.
Personally the thought of sleeping with another man makes me want to vomit. I have all that I need with my husband. Maybe I am just luckier than most women, huh????
Anyway, I say this:
If you do not want to do this, then don't. You are not 100% into it, so don't do it at all. The impact on your marriage will be disastrous. If she wants to be with another woman, and you are okay with that, then let her. No one says you have to get naked with them. Just watch. Or heck, don't watch. Let them do their thing in another room. That's IF AND ONLY IF you are okay with that. Some guys say they can't handle that, because they are afraid that their wives will no longer be satisfied by them (as a man).
I would not say that you are WRONG for feeling the way you do. You are just in the minority. Most guys would be digging this set up. It is usually the girl that has to be convinced. But don't be guilted into it. Stand your ground. IF you are not ready or don't want to, then TELL HER.
Weigh this out before you do anything. If she loves you and respects you, then she will not push it any farther once you make your feelings known.
Good luck. Marriage is a crazy world. Just remember...if you are not completely into this, then SAY NO. Because once you do this, it can't be undone. Know what I mean?
2007-05-25 09:58:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok first of all if you do this you will give her the ok of you and her with another guy! So my advice to you is to not do it. Like you said you have a problem with your wife wanting to be with another guy. And your right that it would ruin a marriage. Either way if you are going to do the threesome thing then why are you married? All the exploring is supposed to be done before hand not afte ryou are married. That's why you see all these swinger's clubs going up. Those people never explored when they were younger. As a male, i did the same thing you are talking about with my ex wife and one of her friends. It was her idea. She actually got jealouse once her friend got worked up and wanted to have sex with me. Se halted it right there. I was like ok it's ok for her to give me oral but not ok for her to have sex with me? Later i was totally discussed that i even took part. Matter of fact that was the last time. Everytime she came over even many years later i knew she had seen me naked and felt as if i had it hanging over my head if i ever did anything wrong. Guilt sets in then you wonder if she really like her more than you. Trust me you are opening a can here that causes more problems than you even realize. I wouldn't do it again if i had the chance or at least not with a wife.
2007-05-25 09:37:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be on the safe side, if you have any feelings of doubt, and you sound as you do..don't do it at all. It doesn't matter if the other person were to be male or female. Women are taught all along that if they are uncomfortable with something, we are to say no and you as a man should respect that. Your wife should offer you the same respect. And stressing the point of "you would not be touching the other girl" doesn't change the fact that you introduced another person into your bedroom, she is there regardless. You may want to tell your wife you tried it, you don't like it and you want to go back to just you and her. Easier said than done, I'm afraid. Good luck.
2007-05-25 09:36:24 · answer #4 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple, straight forward, I think you're blowing this *way* out of proportion. Your wife was trying to express her apreciation by offering to do the same for you that you are willing to do for you, and you turn it around and interpret it as an attack. Back off! It would be one thing if she had said, "Awesome... we'll do that Wednesday, and then we'll have the threesome with Larry on Thurdsay..."
But no, she said, "Thank you honey! I apreciate it so much! I would do the same for you if you wanted!"
But you don't. And you said so. End of discussion.
It's like if you bought a friend a nice new pair of running shoes, only to find out that he has a muscle condition that makes it so he can't run. You didn't know, you'd never been running before, and they were very nice running shoes. He'll apreciate the gesture, and since you didn't know, he won't see it as an insult, but now you know better. Same for her. She made an offer, you said you're not interested, now she knows better.
2007-05-25 10:18:39 · answer #5 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand...
You have an issue with her bringing another guy into the bedroom because that is cheating but her bringing another woman into the bedroom that "you don't touch" is What?
Her cheating.. Man or woman makes no difference. Sounds like your wife is cheating right in front of your face. You should be disgusted with your marriage period.
2007-05-25 09:38:30 · answer #6 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell your wife that you are not comfortable with bringing someone else into your relationship and your marriage. Tell her that you understand her wanting to explore, but you don't think that bringing another woman (or man) into the bedroom is the right way to go about it. Tell her that the thought of anyone else in your relationship makes you uncomfortable and that you don't support it (If you are considering it but still on the fence then tell her you don't support it yet)
Would it be helpful if you suggested you and her explore things together. Maybe new positions, toys, visual stimuation things of that nature, maybe you would be more comfortable experiementing with her this way so that no one else is brought into the relationship.
Don't let your wife pressure you into saying yes if you arn't comfortable with it, you will definatly regret it later.
Hope I helped
2007-05-25 09:28:09 · answer #7 · answered by .x.Consume.x.Exist.x.Obey.x. 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can have whatever feelings you have, but you should try your best to be openminded to your wife sharing her fantasies and desires with you in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Be honest with her, tell her that you aren't as adventerous as she is, and that you hope she respects that, and then ask her if she can think of ways to explore her adventerous side that don't cross your boundaries. Show her respect, not disgust. Tell her it hurts your feelings a little bit, because you value the intimacy and specialness of the married sex, but don't shut her down and degrade her, it would probably only make things worse and create a bigger distance in your relationship. Do you want to be right, or do you want to handle this in the most positive way possible? You don't have to agree to do things that you don't want to do, but you also don't have to break this down between who's right and who's wrong, because then you'll both lose.
2007-05-25 09:34:43 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Warning, warning, warning. The logistics of this whole affair is not my concern. The motivation is. By the sound of your post your moral framework does not entail this type of behavior. That is the issue. This HUGE decision you are about to make may mark you for the rest of your life. You are not desire driven to do this and any argument coined around "I am willing to please my spouse" is far outside the boundaries of what you signed up for. Some desires in life should remain unacted upon and frankly your wife needs to do this for you. Not the other way around.
2007-05-25 10:11:20 · answer #9 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not WRONG! I dont know of a man out there who would want to share their wife with another man in bed. It doesnt sound like you have told her how you feel about this.
I am a little confused though. She can bring in the extra partner (male or female)in the bed and only she can touch them.
It sounds like she wants a guilt free opportunity to cheat
2007-05-25 09:30:14 · answer #10 · answered by TTG 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋