Am I right in wanting to leave?

Question

My husband and I have been having difficulties. He has this thing when we fight where its like he taking tally of who has won how many times.
This morning we had an arguement. I work nights most of the time so he is the one who has been getting our 3 year old son ready in the morning for preschool. Every morning our son is crying because my husband is rushing him. He only gives him 30 minutes to eat and get ready. I believe he needs an hour so he gets to do things for himself.
My husband said that he gets a half hour and he'll adjust. He told me that if I want our son to get an hour to get ready, then I can get my butt out of bed.
He was not like this when we were first together but in the past 2 or 3 years, he's like this the majority of the time.
Am I being stubborn or am I right to be upset and question our relationship. Please help. I am sick of crying.

I just used one example. I would never end our relationship over a few pety fights. Believe me, we've had more than our fair share.

Also. I don't stay in bed and let my son be upset. I end up getting up every morning and trying to calm him down. He loves school. He only cries when my husband gets him ready. I don't mind doing it and losing the sleep, but I feel hurt that my husband has no desire to figure out his own way of getting him ready that doesn't upset him, even if its not my way.
I just don't want my son to be stressed out EVERY morning that I have to rely on my husband.

Answer 1

Don't leave him over this. I know its not just about getting your son out of bed, it's about all the arguments you've had. You both need to sit down and calmly talk about your problems. At least try to sort out your differences before you leave, at least for your son's sake. Ask him why he thinks you have been both arguing so much. Make sure not to 'blame' each other, it will only escalate into a row. Try to keep things calm and make comprimises. You should take turns getting your son ready for school. When you do it give him an hour and when your husband does it he should give your son a half an hour. Comprimises are everything. I hope this helps. Stick in there. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Being right is not the point. Don't get caught up with who is right or wrong. Your husband sounds like he resents the fact that your sleeping and he is getting the baby ready and he is stressed. Not many men can handle taking care of a child for some reason it traumatize them and they think it's a woman's job. I know you work nights and that is when you need to sleep. I think before you throw in the towel I would sit down and ask him what is the game plan, goals etc. Where are you both headed together. You can not continue to work nights forever and is this for the time until you do what??? (save $ buy a home, he moves up with work) There needs to be a silver lining in this gray cloud. As far as the baby goes to to get some stuff ready at night for the am to give him more time
good luck

Answer 3

Do you realize that you are the one keeping a tally here?

First of all you need to be really really honest here. Your 3 year old is not crying about only having 30 minutes, he is crying because, at 3 he is daily being taken out of his home, his environment, away from his mommy and daddy, and left in a place where there is no genuine love, no bond, where he is valued as long as you guys are paying them.

To make this emotional stress out to be your husbands fault is you trying to win the argument.

If you really want the morning routine to go easier for your child then you would get up 30 minutes earlier and take care of it. In Parenting 101 that's called sacrifice. Instead you stay in bed and allow your baby to cry so that your husband will be the bad guy.

You guys are using your child as a weapon against each other.

Shame on you.

Answer 4

Your husband is wrong. Period. I don't know what his problem really is, but something's not right.

First of all, a child (especially that young) cannot adjust to being rushed like that to get ready in the morning (my gosh, look how long it takes him to make a decision about a candy bar in the store).

You know, no one is right 100% of the time. Your husband simply is way off on this one.

My solution: if you're home in the mornings, suck it up and lose an hour of sleep and get your child off to school in a more proper manner, and hope that your husband sees he's wrong and changes. If he doesn't, it simply may be that he is just too self centered to care about anyone else.

If things are changing in the marriage, try to examine it from all sides objectively. Are there things that either one of you could do to make things better? Keep your eyes and ears wide open and try to listen to each other. But it IS a two-way street, so good luck.

Answer 5

A 3 year old does not need to adjust to an adult schedule! Your husband needs to understand small children need a little more time than that to wake up, get ready, and eat. Your husband is not doing right by the child.
If your husband cannot do any better parenting than that, you may want to get up with your son so his father does not keep him stressed out. Personally, I would knock the hell out of my husband if he treated our child like that.

Answer 6

this sounds more like an issue of control. If you expect your spouse to do the morning routine with your son, then you have to allow him to do it his way. Many times we want our spouse to help out, but only if they do it the way we would do it. That is not a fair or reasonable expectation.
Maybe it would help if you two understood each others expectations in the various parenting roles. Based on my own children, I did most of the prep work for my children when they were 3, simply to avoid the frustration of pokiness and other delays. Why stress yourself out and create friction in your marriage when it is clearly avoidable?
Talk to your husband honestly. Work on your conflict resolution skills together. Show your child that you are a team and not adversaries. Good luck, I will be praying for you!

Answer 7

If you feel you son needs an hour to get ready for school....and I agree a three year old takes longer then 30 minutes to get ready...then get up and get him ready for school and go back to bed once he leaves. I know you are tired but if you feel that strongly about it then it is going to be up to you since your husband doesn't share your feelings.
I think you better sit down with you husband, because he sounds like he has some sort of resentment towards you.

Answer 8

No your right, if you have just come off nights, and the poor little lad is crying and rushed off to pre school its not fair and will obviously cause you stress, tell your husband stop being pathetic, he is 3 for gods sake, let him go to school happy. He may able to get him ready in half hour, but there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it. Sounds like you need to blow your top.

Answer 9

You are neither stubborn nor right. first, I think the main problem is that you have little or no time for your husband and son. There is breakdown of communication between both of you. You need to re-establish communication with your husband so that both of you can discuss the problem and agree on a solution. secondly you should reconsider your work schedule so that you can be the mother your son deserve and a wife your husband married. In addition you can visit your pastor for counselling.

Answer 10

I think you should get over it, unless you plan on getting up an hour early and getting your son together. And why is your son crying? Really, what does a pre-schooler have to do in the morning, that isn't done for him by his parents?

And you want to end your marriage over this? Something tells me that this isn't LOVE. It's more that you've gotten CONTENT with where you are. Because something as small as this should not even have you thinking about divorce.

I think there are some underlying issues and you two need to reevaluate your marriage. Possibly even counseling.

And WHY don't listen to those who are suggesting that you leave your husband over this petty bullsh!t? WTF is wrong with ya'll? I guess MISERY loves company.