Any more opinions about staying in your own home for as long as possible when aged?

Question

I'm doing a little of my own research because this was an issue for my ageing mother. I would like to hear a few more stories and opinions about whether an ageing person is better off staying in their own home for as long as possible (using all the community resources such as nurses, meals etc.)
My concern is for someone on their own who e.g. cannot get out in a car, has stairs and cannot cook well for themselves.
I have been taught as a trained nurse that people should be encouraged to stay in their own homes with care from local services. I guess boils down to the actual person's own wishes but most people DO want avoid moving into a retirement home, especially a nursing home!
My opinion is that if their own home is safe and they can function well they should stay there. However, I just wonder how I'd feel going to ANY new environment, with no familiar faces and without my own items, furniture, pet/s and garden around me. How awful for an old person!

Answer 1

I am in the middle of dealing with this right now. They don't want to leave their house, but it is getting increasingly more difficult to care for them. I find it extremely difficult to even think of asking them to leave the home they have had for fifty years and all of the memories and comfort. But, I guess at some point, something has to give. I keep hoping they will see the light soon. I do, however feel like they would be better of in some kind of managed care.

Answer 2

Well, it is an opinion you asked for, so opinion you shall receive.

My belief is that a person should only remain in their own home if they can manage on their own. By this I mean, mow the lawn, do the laundry, wash the floors, cook, clean, shop, repair what needs repairing or at least recognize the need and call a repairman, and has enough money to subsist without welfare. They need not be able to drive, but should be able to pay for a cab. They need to be fully independant or they are a drain on someone somewhere. Single aging persons do not need all the space in a complete family home, and don't use all the space. Downsizing is an option, as is moving in with adult offspring. A further option is to move into a retirement community which provides assisted living, and still allows the aging person to live independant of nursing home care. Every effort should be made to allow these aging persons to live with the dignity they have earned as long as it does not become a burden upon others. No one anywhere has the right to become a burden intentionally or unintentionally. No one anywhere is responsible for the care of anyone else unless they take on that responsibility (with the exception of course of parents with young children) And a final opinion: Everyone, everywhere should be WILLING to take on the above responsibilities, but no one should be forced to. Responsibility if not felt does not exist. If felt, it is the genuine article and should be dealt with appropriately.

Answer 3

I firmly believe in older people staying in their own homes as long as possible. When they start having mobility problems, they should hire a nurse aide to cook, clean, etc. If dementia/alzheimer's becomes a problem and they're walking around outside lost and wearing only their underwear, or cooking themselves something to eat and forgetting about it and starting a fire in the kitchen, they need to either move in with a family member or go to a nursing home.

Personally, I think nursing homes are horrible, and probably very, very frightening for a widow/widower who is very set in their ways and used to doing things a certain way/living a certain way. They are, in some cases, necessary. My grandmother (a RN/anesthetist--retired though) is currently in a nursing home and has been since August of last year. She suffered a right side hemmorhagic (sp) stroke, and consequently had a craniotomy. She has been in a nursing home for the past months working on physical and occupational therapy. She could, I assume, come home with the assistance of a nurse aide/traveling physical therapist, but my grandmother is INCREDIBLY stubborn and we're afraid she'll try to take stairs (she's just now learning to walk with a four-pronged cane, with assistance) or get out of bed if left alone for a few minutes, and possibly break a hip or something else. She's also still sort of--well, I don't know what you'd call it. She has periods of lucidity, but the rest of the time she's living from memory, thinking her dead mother is visiting her, etc. The goal now (since she's making such great progress with physical therapy, is to come home by August.

I realize I'm rambling, but I think in some cases (my grandmother's, for example) nursing homes are necessary.

Answer 4

Well, why don't you go, but just for a shorter period of time? Instead of staying six weeks, plan to stay just one or two weeks at most. Schedule your visit around the Fair, and you can see friends, hit the fair, enjoy some time with your aunt -- and then make a quick escape from the madhouse that twins will bring with them! Your aunt will appreciate a few days of help with the 1-1/2 year old, but will probably be just as glad that she doesn't have to keep an eye on you all summer this summer, too!

Answer 5

My grandmother stayed in her own home until her late seventies, then came to live with my parents. They didn't realise it at the time, but she had already begun the slow descent into Alzheimers disease.

Three or four years on, she was barely functional, couldn't really remember who any of us were, and could not be left on her own for fear she would hurt herself or damage the house (she nearly set fire to the place a couple of times). She was so confused she was even sometimes violent towards my mother.

It was so clearly beyond my parents capabilities to care for her by that stage, but due to the shortage of aged care, once an elderley person is being cared for by relatives the authorities are very keen to leave them there. By the time a place was finally found for her in a care facility with the capacity to care for Alzheimers residents, my parents were on the verge of nervous breakdown or marriage breakup (maybe both). Even though it was what needed to happen, years later my mother still tortures herself with guilt over the fact my grandmother had to go to a home and how resentful she became of her when she was living with them.

If your mother has all her faculties and is relatively fit physically, I think it's great for her to stay independent as long as possible. But do keep a close watch on her and take note of any signs she may be developing dementia. It is a heartbreaking and frightening thing to have to deal with.

Yes, it would be miserable and awful for elderly people to have to go into homes if it is not what they want and they are not prepared for it. But the wellbeing of their families is important too - people shouldn't be made to feel awful for placing relatives in care if they lack the means to care for them any other way.

Answer 6

because u have all your memoreys since u first moved there so that why u should stay in your house