Our minds use anger ... read below, professional answers sought how do we overcome it ?

Question

Our minds use anger
as a memory of a hurt
that we have experienced.
When we are psychologically "abused" as a child and our dad was a control freak but the public couldn't see it as it was subliminal, how do we overcome the anger incurred in those precious first 5 years. ?

I am 56 a retired elem teacher, I seem 2default 2 anger now, but I have an estj personality which is very intense, I am German, I am aggressive by nature, warrior personality, very intense, athletically agressive, excellent leader,come up leader on all personality tests, & I am only seeking 2 see if what happened in the first 5 years embedded a pattern. If U dont' no child dev. their personalities R quite well formed &done by the age of 5, read up on it if U don't think so, so here U have children being heavily influenced at ages they can't even remember what happened. That kind of anger is almost built in. In the past 12 years, I have been living at frustration level 24/7 & none was my fault, lost health, lost job, lost income,lost children & I've been in counseling 4 over 20 years in & out trying always 2 better myself, I am not at all trying t2 blame others 4 my inner anger, but now that I am at frustration level 24/7, it seems t2 become the default & well I know what frustratio

quote from studies: Research conducted over the past decade indicates that a wide range of psychological and interpersonal problems are more prevalent among those who have been sexually abused than among individuals with no such experiences. Although a definitive causal relationship between such difficulties and sexual abuse cannot be established using current retrospective research methodologies,1 the aggregate of consistent findings in this literature has led many researchers and clinicians to conclude that childhood sexual abuse is a major risk factor for a variety of problems, both in the short term and in later adult functioning.2 Further, longitudinal studies currently under way3 suggest that sexual abuse, as well as other forms of child maltreatment, does in fact lead to subsequent psychological difficulties in the short and longer term.

Answer 1

Anger IS also a method of spiritual and sometime physical self-defense. Would you like that wiped out of you - not me. I'll have nobody turning me into a robot. Jesus(God in the flesh) tossed over a table when he knew something that wasn't biblical *was* going on....for this He suffered no guilt and demanded a change. Note that He didn't hurt anyone also. We learn to know the difference between being disturbed by another and wrongfully disturbing others for no legit reason. "For no legit reason" is the big issue for a whole lot of people and the same people that say nobody has a right to be angry also give excuses for people get angry for no present reason...jeepers which is it? Those people are confused...that's the devil shoveling coal into the fire again. Consider finding your stop-button before believing in secular-based theory that destroys ability to live in the present. You will be burnt toast if you continue to believe that everything nasty that happens to U today is linked to your past and who would have business to make a call on this anyways other than you and your Creator. Been there and involved myself with the wishy wash and reaped what I chose to sow while doing so or shall I say they made me put my kids thru it or else. If that were the case every achievement is the same...no - that is wrong in cases of abusive childhoods where where a childs authorities or one parent did not have a relationship with God the child was left to key into other peers and some failed to ask the Lord into their lives as a child. However, it's never too late. Take a look at who's preaching anti-God parenting even for them it's never too late. Despite my childhood I became a believer within my childhood - but I'll tell ya that busy body Satan kept and keeps trying to get a hold on me and he knew my weaknesses of wanting to be accepted by my parents and others. Many times I kicked myself first before I kicked Satan which slowed down my healing at times. It's ok to kick him...he's a jerk that works thru people. Get angry at him he's the one that confuses everyone. He works on your father and gets his way doesn't he - it's kind of like accepted team work because we all have choices.

Also, I'd question those that want people to believe "0-5" is the oldest adults can choose to achieve if they have trials - shall people stay "0-5" and what R these advisors getting out of people when intruding this on to people? How's about keeping them there? I can't even remember "0-4" and yet can remember good and lessons learned at five so that's all jibber that needs the jabber put to it. Be advised that some advisors who mean to help have been deprogrammed not to have the ability to feel for others so they don't become stressed. That's crazy - one cannot achieve empathy at that point and so will not look at the whole picture either nor do they have the ability to want to. I'd also question my own spiritual life if I were you because our conception and birth was planned and 4 a loving purpose. Nobody can say what that is...your gifts are between you and your Creator. There is no promise there won't be bumps even within our walk because Satan is like a mosquito but sometimes the fly swatter can be used by sorting things out and making change ; )

I know abuse seems subliminal but it's not. If someone has convinced you of that they are being subliminal and your falling for it <----oh, oh, personal responsibility. When considering personal responsibility - even tho everyone wants to be loved sometimes they don't get that because a parent or someone close is "angry" in the -present- of only *maybe* yesterday (who knows) and so you seek to heal those wounds. In the process are sadly easily taken advantage of until you come to terms with your part of what you wrongfully were dished out in the past if that is where you R. For some that has nothing to do with 0-5 that's just more wishy - washing nothing clean. We can all admit that at one time all past was considered present (it use to exist) and some people never stop being like that even today so to say differently would be false. Then deal with your own spiriutal needs to-date even connected with relationships ...is it rational to stay a victim by allowing others to control? This can be tough so pray for strength. Are others angering you *now* by choice or are you causing anger within others? Are you defending yourself in the present against someone else's choice in behavior and allowing someone to shift their behavior off onto you? That will keep a person angry - and should cause a cropped eyebrow.

It one's father was all that then and his spiritual relationship with his Creator has healed then his relationship skills would - in the present- achieve the same level of love and he would be able to live in the truth with love and the freedom to be joyful. Don't just assume that things cannot change either. That's a whole other form of abuse in itself. Some people do change and I've seen people wrongfully get ripped about change for the good. If not it's presently remains his his his problem...bottom line and so to move from taking someone elses present choices on - we accept that we don't own them.

There are also those that manifest their own definition of "control freak" so be careful as you converse around others and be choosy of your own definition as well. There are children and child-adults out there who are making false accusations, stealing backgrounds of others to get attention, and/or blame-shifting negligence of one parent or social aquaintenances onto another especially in divorces that resulted due to abuse. Provingly it's not limited to divorce but I've seen unspiritual individuals drive children to wrath within families - to control "using divorce" as an excuse to do so and explaining themselves off to be good people right...and spiritually healthy people assume and manipulate ...rolls eyes.

A child is taught not to take candy from strangers for a reason. That goes for all God's children as far as I know.

My advice is to pray because we all have a Father regardless of what our earthly fathers do or any of our peers. If your father wants to go around walking away from his Creator than it's his funeral - it's called spiritual death - how's your life? Read Ephesians it speaks to roles in the family. A parent is responsible to God to bring up their child to love the Lord for a reason and that reason is none of man's business to decode. Although it is eventually revealed despite rebellion. However you decide to move forward with what ever you are dealing with Ephesians 6:11 is 4 U. That scripture in itself is a very spiritually powerful gift.

I've got a double German background, also Scottish with a touch of French Canadian, Irish & Dutch..... and so that headstrong can have leadership skills also it all depends on what I choose to do with it now doesn't it? Yes and at least I know I won't go thru life allowing people to lead me to think there is everything wrong with ______ so I have _____ and possible could develope _____ if I would only believe that I'm ruined by _____ and it all happen while my memory was _____ between 0-4? That is as subliminal as it gets respectively and hormones are part of life also both in men and women and I'm not bringing this up as an excuse either.

Answer 2

Hi there

Firstly, the question SEEMS to imply that ALL anger stems from a single period of time and a single cause. Which is not the case.

We tend to use anger in particular situations BECAUSE it seems to us that anger is the best way to deal with that particular situation. This is certainly MORE LIKELY to happen when we are younger, but it CAN happen at any age.

If you are asking about a specific situation in your own life then the first step is to STOP hanging on to your old memories. If it happened, it happened. But it happened BACK THEN.
Every time you go over this stuff it's like you're dragging it into the present and, inside your head at least, it is literally happening all over again.
Which keeps that anger hot, raw and bang up-to-date.

You also need to ask yourself three questions (and write the answers down):

1. What can I do NOW to change what happened during the first 5 years of my life?

2. What benefits have I gotten from continually going over things that happened further and further in the past?

3. In what ways could my life have been so much better if I hadn't been carrying all this anger around over the years?

Read your answers and then answer two more questions:

4. After reading my answers to the previous questions, what concrete benefits will I gain from going on being angry?

5. After reading my answers to the previous questions, what concrete benefits can I gain from leaving my anger in the past and enjoying the life I have NOW?

Now, don't you feel better already from realising that your anger is entirely under you control, and you don't ever have to be angry again unless you decide to be?

Good luck.

Answer 3

Don't make this tricky. We pass to paintings do a well process and on the finish of the day pass house. Take the cash you earn pay your expenses and fail to remember approximately them. In your break day hold the phrase of God on your middle and brain in order that you do not do something dull or towards Gods legislation. Being retired like you're as a rule offers you a ton of time to reside on the whole lot. Find a pastime, aid those people who are much less lucky, Remember that idle palms (And minds) are the devils play matters.

Answer 4

Good question.
Would like to know as well. Although alternative medicine practitioners have gave the keys to freedom...to a certain degree..

Answer 5

I will speak from my own experience and hope it helps. I grew up with alcoholic father and had lots of anger. I went to therapy, Alanon, support groups and did lots of childhood work. I wrote Anger letters to my father (and mother who was enabler) telling them off and telling them in no uncertain terms what their abuse or neglect did to me. (I got myself a notebook to do this as it is not a one time cure). I let it all out, cursing and calling them names (as my therapist pointed out, they will never read these letters and she gave me permission to do this as I felt guilty) Over time, writing letters every time some anger came up, I then destroyed the letters (burn, shred, flush) so as not to hang onto the anger. Now comes the hard part, Forgive. I needed to learn my father's (and mother's) story (their own childhood) which helped me to understand their own pain and that they were only acting out on me. (Not to excuse them) but to understand. (Still writing more and more angry letters as anger still came up). This was a long process but it worked a miracle in my heart. I had to now pray for them. (Not easy but I listened to Alanon and AA which told me to pray for anyone I had resentment against)
Today (my parents are both dead now. If you have parents still alive, that is harder I think because you still have to deal with them). So, today, I feel I have forgiven them in my heart and if anger comes up, I know it instantly and write letters to let it go. I have now forgiven and can let go. I hope you find some support for yourself, I cannot tell you how much it meant to me to go to support groups with these feelings over the years. Good luck and God bless you on your journey of healing.