Should I call off the wedding?

Question

wow im surprised by how many of my same title popped up, but everyone has a different case and story, so here's mine

my wedding was planned by my future mother-in-law, all but 4 of 10 of the wedding party i didnt pick or ask to be in my wedding. she gave one girl title of a candle lighter (but we're not having candles in the wedding), and when we said we need to switch her to guestbook, his mother threw a fit and went into "poor pitiful me" mode. we went to talk about this tonight, i was going to let her get her way on everything except the candlelighter deal as long as my fiance stuck up for us to tell her what she did was wrong and we wont stand for this act in the future.. but of course that didnt happen.. now my fiance's happy b/c his mother's happy, but he doesnt care that im not okay with this. our wedding shower is saturday, but i want dont want to go through with this. he knows im unhappy, but should i just get married and shut up and hope no more problems arise later?

my god im so scared. i dont want this crazy woman ruining my life, but it feels if even if we got the wedding we wanted now, she's still made it a horrible experience.. and she's done every trick in the book for him to give into her: from going into the hospital (twice) , threatening she'd be to embarassed to show up to the wedding if we changed her plans, she's spent so much money already for us to change things (which we never asked them to pay for a thing)... it goes on and on.

PLEASE, how can i shake my fiance out of her mind control. she's a big faker and drama queen. i love him and it's been a great 4 1/2 years together, and we were so excited about marrying.. but ive seen a whole new side to him now that his mother's "feelings" are involve. what can i do?

Answer 1

this is going to be the way your life will be until the old bat dies.

now read the last sentence in your question again. If you can live with MOM making ALL of the decisions affecting your family (just wait until y ou have kids and she tells you how to raise them) then you'll be happy. If you ever want to actually make y our own decision......you're in trouble.

as the man being stalked by a mountain lion said



RRRRRUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN and don't look back

Answer 2

It's true when people say - you also marry the family! so hoping that things wont come up in the future is just a dream. If she gets away with taking over your wedding, she'll keep on doing it. If this man really want to marry you, then he will make sure your happy! PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN! Tell her thank you for her input, but you will be taking over the planning from here. Her role is the mother in law - not the bride! She's had her chance to have HER wedding now this is YOUR day! If you go through with what SHE wants - you will regret t for the rest of your life, and if you don't think you will now - you will later. This may cause some problems at first, but they will blow over with time. Remind your hunny that it's YOU he goes to bed with every night, not his mom - and if he wants you to keep him happy - he better let you plan your day together. Remind him this is supposed to be about the two of you and what you two wnat - not anyone else and least of all his mother! Counciling would be a great option for the two of you! I did it with my guy and things have gotten a lot better between us. I would say try everything before calling it quits. If in the end he still picks her over you - then you have your answer!

Answer 3

I have a mother in law straight from hell, one time she lit my lawn on fire while she was throwing a pity party for herself and my husband still played the "she's really sorry"card." This was because I didn't want to put her hideous gaudy furniture in the new house we bought, ugliest gift you could imagine. Sad as it sounds my husband has had to put up with this manipulative crazy woman for so long it is second nature at this point, it's an obligation and there is nothing i can say to make him not do it anymore. He does understand the insanity of it all, but she is still his mother, and the guilt she makes him feel is more unbearable to him than the obstacles she puts him through. Your hubby to be sounds similar. Before our "wedding", we had a wedding, small and beautiful with all of our friends and my parents, it was quant inexpensive and beautiful and that to me was our real wedding, the other thing was that devil woman's party and we were just guests. Tugging your husband in two directions is only going to seriously upset him, it's one of those "if you really love him you have to be the bigger person" and let him do what is easier for him, and what's easier for him is to be manipulated by his mother because that is all he knows. If you pull at him your just as bad as her because he will know he is hurting both of you. If you really can't deal with that I think you shouldn't get married, you have this ladies whole lifetime left so many more problems will arise that she thinks she knows all the answers to. The sunny side is that eventually is gorwing together and showing your husband how a real woman should love him, he will start to grow a back bone and the look on her face when he tells her "no" for the first time is almost worth everything she put you both through.

Answer 4

Your problem is not the future mother-in-law. It's your fiance, and you know it. He puts his mother's wishes before yours, and marriage will NOT change this. If anything, it will get worse. When you are looking for a house, mom will tell him where, how big, etc. Holidays? You'll be at her house, or she will have a mental breakdown, and it will be all your fault. Kids? She will give them things you don't approve of, undermine your authority, etc. If you can stand spending the next 20-30 years with a spineless mama's boy, go ahead with the marriage. If you'd rather not live like this, postpone the wedding until your fiance has gotten some help, and has proven that you and your marriage are the first priority in his life. Good luck!

Answer 5

Tell Mommy dearest to BUTT OUT!! If you do not take charge now, your married life will be a living hell as this woman will not ever stop interfering. If your fiance won't stand up to his mother over this he won't back you up on anything else either. If you and he are paying for the wedding & you still want to get married, then do your wedding your way and tell his mother YOU are the ones getting married, not her. She had her chance. Trust all these people who are telling you that you have to stop this woman NOW before you say "I Do" or she will never stop. If your fiance REALLY loves you and wants to be married to you, there is room in the marriage bed for only two people not three, and he should be the one to stand up to his mother and tell her to back off.

If he isn't willing to do this for you, then you 'd best postpone this marriage indefinitely until you get this thing with his mother resolved. He has to choose: either he marries you and tells his mother he won't tolerate her interference or he can marry his mother.

Don't start your life off with this kind of a control freak for a mother-in-law. And all of the stuff she has pulled on you is just so her son will back down and let her have her way. She is a pro at this.

Good Luck, Sweetie. You're gonna need it!!!!

Answer 6

I'm worried that you are questioning whether to marry or not. I think that means something.

You're probably in an emotional state right now so don't do anything rash.

I'm glad that your fiance want to make his mother happy... aren't we all looking for this? So if you do get married and you become THE woman in his life, he's sure to be wonderful to you too.

Think about whether this mother in law has a pattern, does she interfere with everything? Is she going to get overly involved with the kids, where you live, etc...? or is this just about one wedding?

I'm sure your fiance wants everyone to be happy, but guys just don't get the extent of how important your day is to you. Guys just want to show up and say "I do." Women, including your mother-in-law has been thinking about this time in life a lot more.

Let's face it, we can't please everyone. Just don't let her ruin the relationship. It's one day and you have a lifetime with her son!

Good luck girl!

Answer 7

Everyone has a few great future mother in law stories before the wedding. Just stick to your guns for the important stuff. Let your future hubby know that although it's okay for him to express his thoughts about things (like his mom) it's not okay to take sides (unless it's yours). Mother in laws get crazy before there sons get married. They are not the number one girl in their sons life anymore. She is losing a bit of control and so they feel like they have to control something... And what better place to start then at a wedding. Good luck...

Answer 8

First of all, BIG HUG dear girl. We eloped and a minister talked with us for a very long time before our vows. Someone that had known both of us all our lives could not have written more appropriate ones. I wish I had a copy but there is a line I will never forget.. He mentioned "forsaking ALL others", even parents, etc. My MIL was, or tried to be, very controlling and as a result is no longer in our lives. Sad, but her other sins were committed long before I existed. It breaks my heart, but if he can't put you first NOW when you have already bent over backwards to make his mom happy, I don't see it changing down the road, esp. if you let this time slide. It will set a golden rule- it is easier to say no to my wife than my mom. It is YOUR day, if she loves her son, she should love and welcome you and SHE should be bending over backwards to make the one her son loves happy on her wedding day. Do me a favor? Print the question you posted, carry it with you and read it for a few days, think hard. If you don't already know the answer which lurks in your mind and heart, and I think you do, it will become clear to you that this isn't an isolated petty thing but your entire future. I wish I could have answered you differently as your question struck my heart. It is sad but true there does have to be a "winner" and no one truly "wins" down the road. By all means don't call off the wedding if you have NOT already had MANY unheated, heart to heart talks. Explain that his mom can't rule your lives, now or ever in the future, or you can't have one. He needs to see you are rightly concerned w/ your entire future- sometimes men are slow to understand how something that seems small to them is reinforcing a life long pattern. One more hug! Good luck

Answer 9

Hey Linds, the only direction we have for the future is to look at the past. So, if you want to speculate on what kind of relationship you will have in the future with your mother-in-law and with her and your hubby, look at the past. Doesn't sound like you are enjoying the past, or the present. I would predict your mother-in-law will be a real pain in the future. Are you willing to accept this possibility along with your husband-to-be and how he seems to honor her and ignore you? If you don't like the situation, lay down the law to him. Tell him he is marrying you and leaving mom. If he doesn't understand what that means, I'd say skip the ceremony. Whatever you decide will be the right thing.

Answer 10

This is YOUR wedding and you are setting a precedent by what you accept or not. But it sounds like you accepted a lot already.... How did she come to control everything thus far? You need to explain to your husband what you definitely want your way and accept nothing less. You also need to explain to your mother-in-law that while you've appreciated her help you only get one wedding day and that you want it to be special and done in the way that you choose.
If you haven't even spoke up but you are ready to cancel the wedding then it seems that you have some communication problems. Open your mouth and make yourself heard. Remind your husband that this is YOUR DAY and not his mothers. It's obvious that he's responding to the biggest mouth and the most drama.

Answer 11

RUN AWAY!!

do not walk.. screw the $200 blow right on past go!

How do you feel right now? In or out of control of your wedding? Protected or betrayed by your bride-groom? These feelings will only grow stronger with time. Each 'next time' it happens will only add to how badly you feel about the last time it happened. She will never stop planning your life, and he will never tell her to.

And here's a little something to ponder... (Don't play with him, do it or don't - his heart IS involved) But, if you do call if off - watch his reaction...

If he can't fight her, he likely won't fight you. Can serve as final confirmation that you made the right call...

Good luck with other mens!





As a side note - if she's as overbearing as she sounds... watch for him to come out of the closet at some point over the next 25 years.