I'm an introvert, I don't have close friends, and i'm upset about it...?

Question

I've don't really have alot of friends, especially close friends. I never felt like i fit in anywhere. I don't know that many people at school, so everyday its really boring. I feel really left out watching others socialize.

Sometimes I do get invited to hang out with a group of people, but I feel like I can't contribute in discussions. Am I just too used to being alone that now I'm not used to interacting with people? I remember going to a bonfire once and just sitting there most of the time not talking with anyone. I don't know how to open up and be outgoing or fun. Sometimes I feel worse showing up to social events than staying home. I can feel left out even though I'm surrounded by people. All I really do is smile because I usually have nothing to say.

I don't know what to do, can anyone give me some suggestions? I've been really unhappy lately.

Answer 1

You have the ability to socialize, it appears that's this is not really your problem. From what you describe, it sounds like you are deeply depressed. If you go to your family physician and describe this, sometimes they will give you a little written test that will enable them to tell you if you fit in the realm of depression and if your depression is consistent enough, prevents you from talking in social groups, causing a sense of worthlessness, a poor sense of self, lack of motivation, wanting to sleep a lot, and loss of purpose, then you may need to take some medication that will elevate your brain chemistry to level your thinking, functioning and outlook to a more positive realm.

Answer 2

We are more honest, more direct, not good with social graces of small talk. There are more extravert's and the difference between the two could cause a clash or social phobia of not knowing how to approach the other person on there level. It takes a long time for a extrovert to get to know a introvert well enough to form a friendship where the introvert is comfortable sharing. I think the extrovert as well as the introvert don't understand each other and have a fear about that!

Answer 3

Consult your School's Counselling Center.

If you don't notice, it is estimated by most scientists that about 50% of all peoples in the world are Introverts, just like you. Only, some are more daring and some are very timid. What you need to do is to have more courage and speak up your mind.

Another thing why you may be ashamed to make friends is that because you are too afraid of what they may say against you are you are afraid to trust somebody very much. If so, you need to get rid of this thinking. Remember that it is not true that people are out to get each other. Find friends whom you trust and you know will accept whoever you are and whatever you look like.

If you cannot muster up enough courage, better practice in front of the mirror speaking to yourself.

Also, the secret of having many friends is not really having great looks or connexions, though both of these may help, but a pleasing personality and a warm, lively smile. People generally are very attracted to those who exhibit genuine friendly characteristics and whose attitudes demonstrate a compassionate and loving friend. I would suggest that you also check your personality by asking your siblings about what they feel about you.

Lastly, learn to make youself attractive. Do fix your hair and clothes, and maintain good hygiene. Know through the Internet the latest stuff to have something to talk about. At least you get invited - that means that there are some people who are concerned about you and like you to be associated with them.

Also, don't forget to talk to Christian ministers or counselors on ways to help you have courage to talk to other people.

Answer 4

i know exactly how you feel. your question makes me feel as though i went through a time machine and i am listening to something i would be saying a few years ago.

i was quiet too, being introvert sucks sometimes. you have to make the decision in your brain to just, be social and talk with people, just do it. dont be afraid to interupt the conversation, jump into it! tell a joke, share a story. it is the only way people will find a connection with you. making those connections is what makes people your friends.
and you have to make friends before you graduate or you wont have anyone you know, and it is terrible!! have to start all over. so make your friends now!! the only way it can go is good so do it!
let me tell you what i did, my last year i went for school president, and i won. i gave the best speech, made the year sound like it was going to be fun. it shocked everyone because im quiet. but then we got a new principal who stopped all my plans plus the whole student senate did not cooperate, but at least i made friends with everyone haha, but since they all didnt know me too well i couldnt hold on to them after we all graduated so, the sooner the better! =)

take notes on extroverted people, watch how they do it so easy and then try it. it will be somewhat uncomfortable since it is not usually something you do but it will get a little easier.
and as far as not knowing what to say in a conversation, i still hate that, but there will never be anything important to talk about, after being quiet for so long, i made sure if i said anything that it was important, but if you are going to be social, you have to talk about anything and everything. complain about something, thats the easiest. talking about the news works sometimes but it is boring. to get into a conversation you could walk up to some people and ask them if they had seen your glowing pet running around the other night haha, our pet chewed on some of those glowsticks and started glowing so that is one of my funny stories.

well good luck. =)

Answer 5

FIRST off there's nothing ABNORMAL about being an introvert, I'm one 2! Most introverts only have a few close friends anyway, however, in your case you expressed your frustration with not having any, so in your case you might be an introvert that has underdeveloped social skills, which can be corrected, that probably arised from people not letting you be yourself and trying to MAKE you into an extrovert. What you can do is find something that REALLY interests you and go from there. Start gradually talking to people that you FEEL like you could CONNECT with. You can also see a therapist, they will help you with interpersonal problems OK!~

Answer 6

I have figured out through my life that most people are very lucky if they have 2 people that they consider true friends, the rest of the people are merely aquaintances and there will be many as you make your journey called life. Real friends accept you just as you are without question. What you need to know is most people , no matter what their age have insecurities. When you are invited to hang out with a group of people try to make an effort to participate in the conversation in some way. You will discover that most people like to talk about themselves so maybe try asking someone about their clothes or ipod or the concert they are talking about, but always be true to yourself and never try to be someone you think people would like. If you have to change who you are for someone , this is not a person that is true friend material. Hope this helps some.

Answer 7

For the simple fact that you posted this question allows me to feel that you are on the right track to getting better.

First, allow your self to circulate in group gatherings just to get a feel of their conversations.

Instead of thinking about how you can add to it, you can simply respond to what they are saying. For instance, "That sounded like a great time. Tell me more?"

Responding shows that you are actively listening and commenting or probing tells the person you find them interesting. Eventually they will begin to ask you about your experinces such as, "have you ever tried anything like that?"

Now, this is your chance to shine. Do not shy away or don't you dare give a yes or no answere. One word answers is death. Therefore say, "well, it was this one time I thought about it. Maybe when you go again, I can try it with you?" Keep the conversation going?

Never give up, find a group that is open to all opinions.

Answer 8

oh man i definitely feel your pain! i used to be like that too.. i was picked on when i was younger (i dressed "funny" and didn't speak much english so i couldn't defend myself lol that was fun, let me tell you) and that shattered my self-esteem and i was very hesistant of talking to people BUUUTTT as i got older i made a lot of friends through my youth group and church and once i realized that it wasn't as big of a deal as i thought, it became easier to make friends. to this day, i still cannot approach somebody and make conversation. i'm even a little awkward when approached because i get so nervous but when i am introduced through a friend it's easier. i stay quiet for the first few times i meet them and then once i am more comfortable, i just carry on with them like i do with my friends because i am more comfortable around people now

SO to make a long story, maybe you might want to join a relatively small group.. like a youth group... or maybe volunteer.. and don't worry about having to speak up or whatever... chances are somebody will come up to you and introduce themselves and introduce you to most of the people there and you can take it from there :) it's hard to throw yourself in the middle of some party or whatever where everyone knows everyone already and meet people like that if you are a shy person..

i wish you the best :)

Answer 9

The answer is simple....and easy.

SMILE

It will change your life overnight.

I learned this many years ago.

You can learn to do it alone in your room in front of the mirror. And go into the world with a smile on your face.
Its easiest to try it on complete strangers first, in a place like a shopping mall.
Look at people and smile. Smile at the bus-driver, the store clerk, old people, kids...everyone. It works!!

A smile is inviting to everyone.
You will be surprised at the people who will smile back at you. And the people who will want to know why you are smiling and approach you. Those who want know your secret and share in your enjoyment of life.
They won't know you are nervous and insecure and you won't be anymore.
Trust me.
You can be shaking inside but show a smiling face to the world, and the shaking will soon go away..
...an unsmiling face sends a lot of negative messages to the world you are looking at.

There's an old saying "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone."

Answer 10

I can relate, I've actually lost my ability to carry a good conversation like i used to.
You just have to go out to those events, make an effort to talk to people.
Try to make yourself approachable. Be aware of your body language and relax your face, people always used to think I was mad, I realized I was wearing a scowl.
Before you leave to the event, on your way out the door, smile. I don't mean walk out with a big cheesey smile on your face, before anyone sees you make the biggest cheesiest fake smile you can make. Even fake smiles can make you feel better. Try doing it right now...I'll wait....See, told you. Do that before you leave and be aware of how it feels,remember it and try to sustain that feeling throughout the day.

Good luck man. Go to those events though, you need as much scialization practice as you can get. Besides if you keep turning down invitations, they'll just stop asking all together.

Good Luck man, break out of that shell.