Should i wait and see or should i leave now?

Question

My boyfriend and i have been together for over a year now. I've told my parents about him and he's met most of my family. I met his family too recently. When i asked him, about marriage, and the fact that i want to be engaged when i am 28-29, he said to me, that he loves me and wants to be with me forever and is happy the way things are right now. But in terms of marriage, when he thinks about it, he's fine. But the minute he thinks about it seriously, he gets freaked out. He told me that at this point in life, he feels that he doesn't want to get married...but he may or may not change in the future, only time will tell.
He promised me that if he was to marry, then it would be me.
He also told me a few days earlier, that maybe he is like this, coz his work/financial situation isn't great. I'm 25 and he is 26, should i wait or should i leave?

Answer 1

Let me tell you my personal experience: When I was 17 years I fell in love with a nice guy and on my 18th birthday we engaged.
So far so good, I had the clear target to finish college first and go to university afterwards. The guy was already in university.
My parents agreed to help us during the first years or marriage, etc.
But what happened? Well, my finance talked a lot about marriage during the 1st year after our engagement and that is all we did: Talking about it.
The 2nd year he started to avoid the topic and gave really stupid answers when I talked about marriage. The 3rd year he said that marriage is somehow unfashionable and we should try to live together as an unmarried couple first and he asked me to move in.
Well, I accepted the proposal (my parents were very angry with me of course and I don’t want to repeat the things they said).
I think it was a good decision to move in with him, because I found out that it would be absolutely impossible for me to stay with him for the rest of my life.
All money he earned was spend immediately on the most stupid things and entertainments you could imagine, he wasn’t able to assume any responsability at all, etc.
He acted like a childish fool all the time and expected from me to solve out his problems: lie for him, clear up behind him, borrow him money (which never was turned back), etc..........
I am nobodies maid and even less I am a bank, I found out that I had no future with this guy and that I didn’t even love him anymore. On my 21st birthday I lefy him...
Do you know what happened?? He ran together with his whole family to my parent’s home and wanted to marry immediately...
These kind of immature guys are strange; they always want what they can’t get.
If you want to marry they say that they feel too much oppression and refuse and if you say that you don’t want to marry them anymore they run behind you and fall on their knees...
Of course I didn’t marry him.
In your case I think the same thing is happening.
Don’t stick to somebody immature - you waste your time.
When I met my husband we got married within the same year.
By the way, I don’t believe in engagements, I think that many guys just think that an engagement is not that serious and use it to keep the girl happy for a while and stop questions about marriage.
If somebody wants to get really married, you don’t need a long engagement or any engagement at all. You just decide to get married and inform all family members. That’s all!!!

Answer 2

If you're 25 now and you want to be engaged when you're 28, why are you putting the screws to him now? That's 3 years away.

It's not like you have to plan to be engaged. He just asks you to marry him. That doesn't take much planning other than getting the ring and perhaps planning a special evening or weekend, but it certainly doesn't take a year's worth of time or anything.

Truthfully, I'd say quit worrying about it for the time being and focus on strengthening your common interests and goals. That way the bond between you will be solid even if you wait another 2 years before beginning to get concerned.

I'd say back off for at least another year and enjoy your relationship. I think it's fair to ask your partner after the 2 year mark to give a serious assessment of marriage prospects at that point if you aren't engaged yet.

Even if you had to cut bait at the 2 year point of this relationship, you'd still have 2-3 more years in which to date others and find another suitable partner. But bear in mind that it's not that easy to find compatible partners, so you shouldn't be so antsy to cut this one loose after just a year with no engagement ring, imo.

Continuing to harp on it when even by your own timeline you have at least another year before you should be legitimately concerned is only going to put unnecessary stress on the relationship at this point.

Answer 3

Perhaps he feels that since you two have been through so much and he thinks he loves you that perhaps oral is ok and better than giving him the full monty of sex. If it's something you're not into and you don't think it's right you should explain it to him. Ask him why he feels the need? Make him explain himself to you and then make him understand how you feel. I don't know if it has anything to do with the other girl, but perhaps he wants to know how he feels about you in an intimate situation and he only has the other girl to compair it to. That isn't good either. Just tell him how you feel. If he respects you he'll understand.

Answer 4

hey! first check with the guy whether he really wants to marry or not, MAYBE OR MAY Doesn't sounds quite optimistic,you know the guy better than anyone else, when he says he will marry you when you are 29, you are at an age where 29 might not get proposal as per your liking ,think about it as well, what is your family's opinion take them into consideration as well, you can wait for an year or two, that should be the sufficient time for him to be financially stable, start thinking from now itself & all the best to you,GOD BLESS!

Answer 5

My boyfriend now husband ask me when we were together for
one year we married six months later. I read in many books
that if a man doesn't marry you within the first two years of meeting you then the odds are against you two ever getting married.It take that long for the thrill to slowly deapair for the man and that's when he move on to the next female.Think about it, for the man it's always about the sex and when it's not fun then he finds someone different.to have fun with. If i were you i would be a little worried.

Answer 6

Considering that you have some years before you want to get married and that you have been together for just around a year, I would advise you to hold on for some more time. He needs some time to settle himself financially. The thought of marriage at this stage will only burden his mind.

Answer 7

hi there ......what is the rush to get a ring on youre finger for .....do you believe that once you get that on youre finger it will secure youre relationship with this man ......look i do not mean to be rude or hurt you but youre with this man how loves you and is being really honest with you ...saying yes i do want to get married and if i do it would/will be to you .......but due to his job situation he is not prepared to commit to that bit .....this man wants to feel that he can give you a fantastic life and ....youre coming out with ....should i stay or go ??what ...do you not love this man ??how about putting all youre energy into what you have now and less on that bit of gold as that is all it is and as for marriage ....yes theres the wedding dress all the planning and the party afterwards ......then what marriage reaaly is a bit of paper to confirm that you are MRS *******......and that is it it is then down to the hard bit of married life and all that comes along with it ........look you are both young and youre relationship is still at te early stages .....the guy loves you and wants to be with you ......start enjoying what you have got at the moment as one day in the future you will long to be where you are now ....when the kids come along .........have fun together ....plan a holiday away ....to where ever and live youre life for now ....and the ring will come along at some point .......you know some people never get iengaged or married .....but there relationship as the strongest thing going as they are really happy because they are together .....and they know that what ever goes on they will sort it out as they work as a team ......i wish you a fantastic future .....good luck and take care xx

Answer 8

My phylosophy has always been this: don't take easy way out, find the needs of the person and try to find matching satisfactions --and you chose the limits--, and finaly sit back ans see how things work. Give it some time and if nothing happens, then make a decision. AT that point you would have done your part to the extent that you could, and hopefully you would have no guilt later on.

Answer 9

sweetheart you only been with him for a year, why are rushing into something that should take time, get to
know each other, then when the time is right then may he'will
feel as you do. but it sound like you looking to get marry
right now and that might be wrong. just see how things go
and then if you feel down the road that you want more then
maybe you can let him know. but for now, you have a good]
things going don't blow it. because if you do you mg ht end
'of by your self why you playing.

Answer 10

He sounds very indecisive, which is better than him not speaking his mind at all and going along with something he may not be happy about.

I told my husband I have a 3 year rule, and if we weren't engaged within the first 3 years of dating, I was out. I knew what I wanted, was up front about it, and would have followed through with dumping him it if I had to. We'll be celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary next month.