Should I Stay?

Question

OK, I am supposed to get married on the 23rd of August! I am still in love with him but he is acting like a child! I simply asked him to tell me before he leaves and tell me where and how long he will be! He then says I PROMISE I will tell you! The next day he does the SAME THING! I get upset then blow it off! The day after that he does it AGAIN! I REALLY get upset and tell him how I feel and he goes on a guilt trip and makes ME feel bad for telling him! The day after, TODAY he gets up in the morning bout 8:00 after leaving and stayin out all night about the same thing and comes back at 5:44 PM and then tells me to come with him! So I come and sit for about an hour, now he is STILL out! It is 12:30 AM Everyday I get bitched at from his whole family so I practically live in my room! He is ALWAYS uptight with me going out, even WITH him, I havent hung out with any of my friends since we first started going out! Now, I am SO depressed everyday I cry myself to sleep b/c I Luv him so Much!

Answer 1

I do know this..

any problem you have NOW

Marriage will intensify

not only THAT... but adding children to the situation will intensify it even more

in other words...that which you do not solve in the here and now

will intensify
and become harder to solve later

Answer 2

You need to consider if you really want to marry this man, I doubt he will change when you marry him. And it appears to me, he really does not want a committing relationship.

The following information you may find useful.
Years of research by psychologist have shown that most long-term marriages have some very common factors. Lack of any two or more of these factors indicates there is high probability the marriage will not last. (Long term –is defined as a marriage of more than 20 years)

1. Both parties married at age 25 or older.
2. Religious compatible (example: Jews + Hindu just do not work)
3. Common goals (someone likes a simple life, not chasing material wealth or career and some that is very goal minded for gaining as much material wealth as possible, together they do not make a lasting marriage. Another example, a conflict over having children).
4. Social economical compatible (poor + rich only works in the movies)
5. Financial responsible (debt is the number one cause of divorce)
6. Open Communications (agree that it is ok not to agree, tell each other your most hidden secrets, keeping the secrets from everyone, no name calling, and etc)
7. Both parties are very much alike (opposite may attract, but they do not make for a lasting marriage)
8. Sexual compatible (variety in sexual act + partner that finds some acts repulsive, does not make a lasting marriage.
9. Both individuals are not egoist. (a egoist believes that everyone would be happy by making them happy)

Answer 3

I think you should get rid of him altogether. If that isn't something you are ready to do, however, at LEAST push the marriage back another year. Seriously, think of how you felt the second you were writing this... Do you want to feel that way every day for the rest of your life? It sounds like he is walking all over you. Don't let him do that! You are worth more than this freakin' child! Please don't marry him yet. You are making a big mistake. When you find the person you are suppose to marry you will not have a single doubt in your mind about that person... This guy is not him. Give yourself some time to figure that out. My ex was like this and it makes me cringe to think about it... I was two months away from marrying him before I found out he cheated on me after dissappearing for two days to New Orleans... I thought he was DEAD... Please, don't do it. Find it in yourself to protect YOU! Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 4

He sounds immature. Seriously, this might not be the time to get married to this guy. He WILL get worse before he gets better. As men, we all SHOULD have that little think in our brain that tells us we are wrong when we stay out with buddies too late, or don't communicate. It's called guilt and it should keep us in line. That plus a loving mate at home.

Sounds like he might either be playing the field, or want the "little lady" waiting for him at home while he goes out and plays. Think it's bad now, wait until you have been married three years.

Answer 5

That is up to you and you only. Nobody can tell you what and how to live your life. Sit down somewhere where you can think clearly and weight cons and pros. I was married for 8 years and finally got fed up with things like you are going through. I am about to get married again and couldn't be any happier. I know you love him, but WHAT are you in love with? If he makes you miserable to the point where you have to cry yourself to sleep that is NOT love. I am SOO familiar with those guilt trips, not being with MY friends and such. Nobody should feel that way, but we allow that to happen. So now you have to find out what is it YOU want.
I wish you all the luck

BE STRONG

Answer 6

Lady, you sure do know how to ask a question. Why in hell would you ask should you stay with someone who don't respect you? The way he is treating you and you want to marry him in August? There is no bloody damn way there would be a wedding in August in my book.

Please tell me how can you be in love with someone who treat you like this, please tell me. It so dang clear that he show you no respect and no love for you. If he have a problem with you going out at night, there is something wrong with this picture. If he can enjoy himself spend out all time of the night and you can't even go out for a while. And top it off that he gets uptight with you being out with him. Now its a damn shame when his family take his side how he is treating you and you want to be part of this family? This is not a red flag, its a big damn brick wall! And you think you're depress now, just wait after the wedding.

You said that you love him, right? So why you're not happy? This must be his way of loving you by hanging out all night and when he come in when he feel like and make you feel bad when you said something to him about it. And you said that you're in love with him? If that the case, stop all of your whinning about the things that your man is doing..its love remember!

Please wake up! And get the hell out of this relationship there is no love in it and if you marry him, he is still going to be the same damn way or worst. You have only yourself to blame because you see how he is up front....I wish you the best.....

Answer 7

Does he make you happy?
Do you feel you are a team?
Do you feel loved?
Do you feel respected?
--------------------------------------
Can you answer yes to the above?
If you can then forget I said anything.

From what you have written it doesn't sound
good. It sounds like you have given up your power
and trust me after you are trapped in a marriage with
a selfish controlling cruel man it will be hard to get your
power back. If you are not sure - Delay the marriage it
won't hurt to give yourself more time. If the answer to all of
the above questions is no then run for your life and learn from
it. The other thing I would say is his family will always be
an issue if they are already interfering.
Unfortunately women often ignore warning signs like these and get horribly hurt. These are warnings.
Love is not supposed to hurt.
Take care think carefully.

Answer 8

Get out! He's manipulative! Any time he turns it around on you when he's clearly to blame...he's praying on low self-esteem. You still have time to get out of this. I highly suggest that you do. He's trying to keep you away from your friends so you'll be completely dependent on him for friendship and affection. This is how he will be able to cheat on you later and make you stay with him because by then, you'll be so emotionally battered that you will truly believe he is the only one you'll ever be able to get... There are red flags everywhere. In fact, you already know what you should do, but you're too afraid to do something about it. GET OUT! Marry someone who doesn't make you want to post a question on Yahoo Answers about whether or not you should marry him. Marry someone who makes you feel good about yourself ALL the time...not just behind closed doors.

Answer 9

Do you no how weak and pitiful you sound.You let this man take your power away from you,and you say you love him so much. I'm sorry to tell you this but that doesn't sound like he loves you or respects you as a woman.He has got you right where he wants you.I guess your going to say you don't believe he is cheating on you,why do you think he doesn't like you going out,it's because he is afraid you might do to him what he is doing to you. You go on and marry this man and watch what happens to you.You need to open your eyes to what is really going on with him and his nights out. I wish I could reach into the screen and come out at your end and drag you out of that house and away from his crazy family and him .I don't see what there is to love about him.Is he your first boyfriend are you afraid of him make me understand the real reason you want to stay there .You cry yourself to sleep at night.Honey do you no there are really good men out here that would treat you like an angel not like you did something wrong just by asking him a question.My father was just like the man your going to marry and do you no my mother went through years of being hit by my dad when ever he would come home from a late night of drinking and whoring.This is what you have to look forward to,maybe not in the beginning but it will lead up to that.My mom wasn't aloud
to go out with her friends or talk to them .I no i can talk to I'm blue in the face your not going to listen to anything we tell you,
you just wanted to vent that's all.If you do marry this ahole you
deserve everything you get because you walked in with your eyes wide open.

Answer 10

Why in the world would you marry into this situation.

It sucks. Break it off and do yourself a favor and have a good future.

Would you tell a friend to get married if she told you this information?

He is immature...and certainly not ready for marriage.
Live your life. Interestingly, you will get over him and even if you do love him....love has never made a marriage work out....Commitment does...and this is a bad situation before you even get married

If you have any questions...ask yourself: is this what you thought marriage would be? Would you wish this on anyone?

Answer 11

tasha its sad to hia dat but if u look at things nicely u r not married to him yet n he is treatin u dis way , my dear i reckon u should leave him n get out. b4 it is too late n ur situation gets worse, pliz leave him. i don't call or c him to b a good husband n 2 b a father 2 any child. dont b a hard up chick 4 a guy dat u don't deserve. keep lookin its not end of the world. u mite jaz find MR RIGHT.