I hate being married,I don't know if I love her, what to do??

Question

im 25 and my wife is 25 I and met my wife in late april 2005 on the train, she was real nice and she lived in upstate New York and I lived in New Jersey, we both use to drive back forth and some times take the train or bus, also I work for the railroad so I ride free, Aug 2005 she got pregnant it was planned and we both was so happy. and her gradmother took il so she had to take care of her, three month later we told every body and her mom was mad started hinting and pressuring me to marry her. like an idiot i did in Feb05 and the baby came the next month, her grandmother passed away in Nov 6 then she move to NJ Jan 07 now my son in one andi hate being married to her, i dont know if i even love her. im selfish with some things and keep things to my self, I want out but every day i look at my son she so cute. We argue alot and we go at it hard. I hate this marriage!! I work nite and weekend night to getaway from her. I want ma own neat bed. What to do????

Answer 1

You don't have to stay married to be a good father. If you want a divorce, do so. You're not divorcing you child just her. And regardless... if she knew how you felt she wouldn't want you to stay for the child. If you divorce, you both will have a chance to find true love and true happiness. Good luck.

Answer 2

It sounds like you married a bit too soon and perhaps not for the reasons you should have but that still does not mean you should take your commitment lightly. Relationships are not meant to be easy but we enter into them because we would rather take all the bad days then spend one good day without that other person.

Remember too that right now you are adjusting to living with your wife. These emotions you are having now are very normal in the beginning and you are not selfish for having them. We all have such thoughts when we are trying to get used to the annoying things are partners do; meanwhile, trying to imagine life with someone that can annoy you like that constantly. It does get easier if you work together to resolve your feelings and gain trust in each other. Don't blame yourself for what you feel and don't blame her either. If you learn to grow together you will eventually find great love, affection, and peace again.

The best thing for now is to stop spending so much time away. You are only avoiding the real problems and creating more distance between the two of you. You must find a way to solve the problems in your relationship together (as a team). The extra distance will only make it harder...avoid time apart and cheating. It will be a rough road ahead either way but if you choose to work together you will share great rewards and a real family in the end. Good luck on your journey!

Answer 3

Because you are working nights and weekends, to get away from her, you're likely coming home to a woman who is tired from taking care of the baby alone and maybe she's lonely and cranky.

Before jumping into a divorce, why not cut back on your work, go to marriage counseling with your wife and see if things improve? You don't have anything to lose by doing this and everything to gain. Give it some time, and I don't mean a few weeks. Maybe someone in your family can babysit once a week or once every two weeks so you and your wife can have a date night. It's good to go out and be alone with each other. Maybe you can rediscover what it was that attracted you in the beginning.

After some time it it really isn't working, at least you two would have tried. Good luck.

Answer 4

What the hell were you thinking?

Don't go having kids if you don't plan to accept a package deal! You don't marry someone just cause they're nice! You 'are' young...argh.

Listen, you need to get a divorce before you snap. But first try some marriage councilling. If it fails at least it will help you to through the divorce and that is better for your son.

Cut your losses and learn from this part of your life journy. Make sure you support your child well emotionally and financially and don't make an enemy of his mother! Big mistake!! That will help.

You two should both go back to school and try to start over. Both of you be united in your love of your son. Learn to co-parent respectfully and in a kind way. Love and appreciate your child, you will find it will all work out in the end.

peace!

Answer 5

Well for start you should not have gotten married.. If you knew withing you that you were not ready to get married.. You let people pressure you in to this.. and now look at the pickle you have gotten your self in to.. But you know what?? all it takes is a well done divorce and then be a good dad for your child she needs you and she always will.. but she do not need to be the witness of all the arguing and fighting you and your wife have all the time, so get out get some counseling that can help the both of you cope with this.. If you know in your heart is over is because it is.. Don't waste your time or hers trying to stay together.. it will only make you both miserable and confuse your child.. good luck.

Answer 6

I so agree with mimi s.....its not becos im encouraging you to just give up on your marriage but an assh*** like you simply don't deserve such blessings in life.

If you love your son so much, allow him to grow in an environment where he's happy with both his parents. It won;t be fair for him to live with a good dad but a miserable husband to his beloved mother.

However, if you could find a small space in your heart, leave some love for your wife. She has gifted you with perhaps the most precious thing in your life and that is your son. Take her out. Just the 2 of you. Try to rekindle the spark that was lost (on your selfish part) and remind yourself of what was it about her that made you travel far just to spend time with her (and even plan her pregnancy). Let her know that you're sorry for your selfish actions and that you'll need her support more than ever to make your marriage work. Its not easy to love but its definately easier to be loved and you have just that.

Answer 7

Are you sure Respect is not the key to what you are looking for in your wife and not getting instead of love?
You men do not survive on no respect from wives, just as wives do not survive on no love from the husband.
Tell her gently about the love and respect thing, start showing her love and chances are she will start showing you respect.
You may feel like you are in a hard place, but you did take vows before God. You are suppose to be in this marriage for keeps as is she. That may be the last thing you want to hear right now, but it is true. Lastly, get you a book to read so
you can be more educated on women. Get another book for your wife on men, put it somewhere she'll see it and hopefull read it. We all need educated on the opposite sex.
Get you a good book on marriage. Ask God for his help, to bring restoration back into your marriage. By the way, marriage is not a convienient relationship. It is work.. A good marriage takes alot of work. Alot of people do not realize that or tend to forget that. Good luck, God bless...
You can do it!!!!!

Answer 8

Either A, you will grow to appreciate and love your wife and evolve into a more giving person.
B, you will divorce her and stay in your son's life as much as possible.
Or C, you will stay in an unhappy marriage and your son will be unhappy, too.

Talk to your wife. Ask her if this is really what she wants. Tell her that while you care about her, you think that you married her for the wrong reasons.

Remember that no one is perfect. Ask yourself whether you have high expectations, or whether you simply don't love your wife.

It's best for everyone if you're not happy, to end things on a civil note. Good luck to you!

Answer 9

You planned on getting pregnant but you don't know if you love her? Why would you plan that if you didn't love her?
Look, take it from personal experience (from a female perspective):
Spare yourself, her and baby the future fights and get a divorce. Stay close to where she lives and visit your son as often as possible, be the best Dad you can be and UNDERSTAND that you WILL be paying child support for the next 18 years. Children know when stuff isn't right or happy. It is hard for a little while but you will learn to live. Human nature.

Answer 10

If you are miserable can you imagine how your wife feels? Go ahead divorce her, pay her child support and see your kid every other week (if that) Go out and get yourself a new chick and start all over again. Let me tell you something.. you are never going to be happy. If you want your own neat bed just move into the spare room, provide for your family and be in your kids life everyday. Get a little on the side (please get a vasectomy first) Obviously you are incapable of being part of a traditional family.

Answer 11

Sounds to me like you made your bed afterall and now you are laying in it! Love is more than just an emotion...it is actions that we take by giving and sacraficing and trying to meet the others needs, selflessness, ability to listen and resolve conflict maturely. It appears to me that you are not mature enough to be a man in this situation. Married life is going to have it's hard knocks, and it requires LOTS of work at times. You are right about being selfish because you should have thought more about what you were doing before you did it. However, we all make bad choices and I'm really not here to judge you, but I am here to say that you created this and I believe you should be the one to try to fix it...not run away from it! You have to think of your son now...it's not all about you!