Hae you been cheated on?

Question

My boyfriend and I had a baby 9 months ago. Everything has been great up until 2 months ago.

He started going out, (once a week) and doing blow. He wont return my calls when he does, and sometimes ignores my texts or waits a really long time to get back to me.
He had a problem with blow before, but he quit it and seems to have fallen off the wagon.

He lies to my face about it, thinking I dont know and finally came clean. When I was in his face accusing him.

I also just feel like something else is off,...
he has a shower when he comes home, erases all his txt messages, I have seen a txt from a girl asking what he is doing and he said that she is a friend of his buddys and she just asks him what he is doing sometimes.
He works as a bartender and one of his shifts is during the day and he never comes straight home.

Last night he went out again and I asked him who he was with and he said he was by himself, my babys carseat was uninstalled (we have a 2 door and no one can fit in the front with the carseat)
So I brought that up and he had some bulllshit story.

have you been cheated on, did you feel like it was hard to believe the person would lie to you?

maybe he is just hiding the drugs......
which is NOT OK either but I want to know the truth

It has only been a couple months, and some people have problems (including drug problems.) doesnt mean they are bad people, bad parents or wont be reformed.

So, dont judge.

But no, I am not going to put up with it.

Thank you for your answers, He has never denied that he has a problem and has agreed to get help from NA.I have told him that if he doesnt, then I will not raise my daughter in this environment.

He is adament he is not cheating, and I dont have any real proof, other than a feeling, some shady behavior and some random opinions on yahoo answers.

So I will wait for hard evidence and to see if he follows through with NA.
My family and friends who know him, agree that his behavior is unacceptable, but they dont really think he is cheating.

so thanks for your answers, my question was how did it feel when you were cheated on, not, do you think he is a loser.

Answer 1

Yes, I have been cheated on before. I saw my boyfriend leaving work with a female co-worker. They had been friends for a long time and he said they were just going to have lunch together. I didn't believe him.....so, I followed him. I didn't follow right behind him, but I could tell that the direction they were going was to his house. (This was on his lunch break from work.....there are no restaurants near his house and he never had any food in his house). So a few minutes later I showed up at his house, and sure enough he had the girl in there with him. I didn't confront him then (he didn't know I saw anything.) But later I did, he denied it at first until I told him what I saw. Then he had no choice but to fess up. Needless to say, we are no longer together.

But just because my boyfriend cheated, doesn't mean your guy is (even if he is acting really suspicious). Either talk to him, or do some "research". Obviously you feel you can't trust him, so you need to find some way to either prove your suspicions, or prove he is being faithful. Good Luck

Answer 2

Yes, I have been cheated on. My now ex-husband even went so far as committing bigamy. When I looked back on the "clues" that I chose to ignore, there were many. Time after time I questioned him about things that just didn't add up. Time after time he had some bs story about what happened, and would get really upset that I was questioning him about it. He'd always tell me to check it out myself, knowing I'd back down. Once he even said - either you trust me or you don't, and if you don't we don't have a marriage. I had to think about that, and decided to quit questioning everything and just trust him. LOL BIG MISTAKE. That's exactly what he wanted me to do. I pulled those blinders tight as I could, so I didn't really see what was right in front of my face. We didn't have the texting problem, cell phones we're really around back then lol.

What I learned from all that is - if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. If your gut tells you something is wrong, it probably is.

If he's getting text messages from another girl, and he doesn't come straight home from work and doesn't tell the truth about where he was... (gosh this just sounds so familiar) he's most likely cheating on you. I'm sorry, I wish I was wrong.

Answer 3

Yes I have been cheated on and it sounds the same as whats happening to you the texting and erasing when he got home and taking a shower all the same. I'm sorry to put this out there but he's doing more than drugs and you know it. Why the hell are you staying with him when he's on drugs and you have a baby? It will not help that baby at all to stay. That baby sees everything that go's on and takes that in do you want it to have this as part of its life. I have two baby's that seen this going on with my husband and my son will no longer call Jessie his daddy any more and he's only two! think of what your child will do they take it in there own way. As for you do you want to be with someone that acts like that to you. I know you love him or you wouldn't be asking for help, so you NEED to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and if he get's mad at you and tries to turn it around on you, making it sound like its all your fault somehow then you need to leave. There is help out there for you and your baby. You need to do something now before it hurts your baby.

Answer 4

It is obvious that this is not a relationship built on trust, and this is not a good environment for your baby at all. If this man is in fact using cocaine, you need to leave him immediately, and take the baby.

When a person is using illegal drugs, their is an effect called "arrested development." As long as he is using, he has stopped maturing. Emotionally and mentally. He sees lies and deception as a means to an end - continuing his habit. Things are only going to get worse.

You have to set boundaries for yourself and your child. Send a clear message that his behavior is unacceptable, and that you won't live this way. Leave him immediately, and remove yourself and your child from the situation. Refuse to have contact with him while he is using, and until he can provide evidence that he is in a treatment program. Remember that drug users will use lies and deception without hesitation. Don't believe him if he promises to change. Talk is cheap. Until you see him going to a treatment program, refuse to be part of his life, period.

And seriously consider refusing to be part of his life then too. This man is not someone you want your child around.

Answer 5

Sorry to say this but he doesn't respect you or his child, regardless of the drugs problem. I know people that have had a bad time getting off blow, so I wouldn't judge anyone for that. Just remember its your life too, dont settle for second best. I was married for 12 years and got lied to and cheated on constantly, Some men never change but the decision is up to you. When trust is gone its never the same.
That's why I divorced him. Good Luck love!!

Answer 6

Honey - I am not judging you or him, because I have been EXACTLY where you are, with someone who behaved EXACTLY the way he is behaving. And it feels like the most terrible thing in the world.....the one person you should be able to count on most is the one person who is betraying you to the max......and there is no easy way to deal with that.

If only love were a light switch....we could turn that off when our "other half" starts acting like a jerk.

All I can tell you is this: I put up with his lies, his drinking, his drug addictions, his verbal (and occasionally physical) abuse for seven years. I spent all that time evaluating every clue (just as you are currently doing), tormenting and/or blaming myself for being the reason he was so "bored" he had to wander (MAJOR lie there - don't believe that one!) and pretty much defending him from people who cared enough to point out the truth to me....just as I see you doing at the end of your question..."don't judge".

I'll give it to you straight: Unless he undergoes a major heart change (of the sort that I've only witnessed in a born-again Christian), then this is pretty much the way it's going to be from here on out. You will be miserable, hoping against hope that he will finally grow up, or you will be woman enough to change him, or his love for you will win out over his determination to behave like a huge bastard.

You and that baby deserve better....and there is GENUINE love out there to be had. Get yourself away from him once and for all....get into a good Spirit-filled, Bible believing church, and start mixing with people who know what true love really is. This guy doesn't have a clue.....he's using you, too much of a coward and a fiend to honestly face you or care about the two of you or live up to any basic codes of decency where you and this baby are concerned....and the longer you stay with that, the unhappier you will be, and the more terrible the example you will setting for that child.

Decide what sort of home you want your child to grow up in, and the type of person you want your child to be....then consider what you want for yourself...and go after that instead of nursing this loser along.

And he IS a loser. Selfish, untrustworthy, self-destructive, and hurtful towards others who makes sacrifices and excuses on his behalf. Throw him out like yesterday's trash because this fella ain't worth it.

Move out and move on. (And yes - remember I have been there and done that, so I'm not saying any of this lightly.....)

And I'm not judging. I don't have to. I was married to his "twin" for seven long, miserable, sometimes scary, often infuriating years. And there IS life after assholes.....

Wishing you and YOUR child all the best!

Answer 7

You no he is cheating on you,it's hard to take in so you go on believing his lies.Yes i have been cheated on and i like you knew deep down that he was but didn't want to face it so i chose to believe the lies he was telling me.At least the lies where bearable the truth was not.How can you live with the fact that the man you love and believe in would treat you with so little respect.To look you right in your eyes without looking away and lie.My husband swore on his mother and our sons life that he has never cheated on me,not only was he cheating on me but had been doing it for over 3 years. Believe it hon,your boyfriend is definitely cheating on you,he has all the signs of a cheater.The shower alone should tell you that and the car seat not to mention the text and the girl.I no your afraid of what you might find out but don't you want to no how long he has been doing it and with whom.

Answer 8

Sweetie your in denial... You know the truth, he's cheating and you need to either accept it or just MOVE on kick him to the curbbbb..... Once a cheater always a cheater...

I'm 21... I was in a 5 year relationship age 16 until now 21... I loved him with all my heart... I had a miscarriage back in December when i was involved in a car accident but I guess everything was meant to be... He cheated on me with some chick and ended up impregnating her... He chose to destroy our relationship for someone he only know a little over 9 months but hey I'm actually better now... I found out about the chick being pregnant until 2 months ago and now I'm good..

It took time for me tooo recuperate from all this but then again it can happen I went through it all with him from being kicked out by my mother, homeless, hit by him to arrested b/c I beat him up... SOrry but we must expect the worse from everyone... I hope you can look beyond all things and hopefully he sees what he has and decides to take care of his family which is you and your baby...

Hope all is good :)

Answer 9

All the signs are there. You must learn to trust your instinct. I have found that when you follow your gut it is usually correct. You have to decide what you plan to do. Will it be over, or are you willing to forgive. Getting over a betrayal is extremely hard and the trust is never 100% again. Once you decide what action you want to take, you have to be true to your decision and not back down. One person cannot make a relationship work no matter how much you love the person. You you need more proof of what he is doing, get brave and snoop. Go through his wallet, phone calls, follow him if needed and you will get your answers. Asking him will most likely get you nowhere. You then have to decide what to do with the information once you get it.

Answer 10

Yes I have been cheated on and it's the worst feeling in the world... And your dealing with a drug problem too... Coke makes people feel really good when they are high on it, my guess is that he's up to no good. Get your baby and leave. Find someone worth your time. cheating drugs bar-tending and women... Run Fast..