Mentally cheating?

Question

I have been married for a year. I love my husband or I wouldn't have married him. I have a guy friend from before I was married...he's sweet and I would never want to be with him long term, but I love him as a friend and he's flirty, makes me feel young and cute I guess. I'll be going to see him (and some other friends) in a few weeks and we were making plans...and he keeps talking about how I should prepare myself because married or not, he'll still flirt. I feel like if my husband were there, he'd be furious, but its harmless so is it wrong? And what if i want it to be more? I feel like I'm already being disloyal...but that i'm also trapped. I hate that I feel this way because I want to be attracted to my husband and flirt with him...but he doesn't flirt, he doesn't get it. I don't even know what my question here is...ugh!

Sorry, I wasn't clear. The "what if i want it to be more" wasn't like i'm going to have sex...it was more like, what if I want to flirt back? And I appreciate MOST of the answers so far...I appreciate you not judging because if I put it online for people I don't know to advise me, I'm obviously having enough issues without being judged by those random people.

Answer 1

You made a vow to your husband, and you are new to the marriage. It feels good to get attention, and your friend gives you this. Keep healthy boundaries with your friend, or else you may lose the respect of your friend if you did something with him and you could lose your husband, too. Since your marriage is so new, you have the power to let your needs be known and your husband may be able to give you more of what you like.

If he can't give you what you need, or your heart is not there in the marriage, you may need to reconsider things. Listen to your intuition. You have the power to have a great relationship with your husband and your friend, if you make sure not to get yourself into too much trouble.

Answer 2

I think that what comes around goes around and what you do to other will come back to you. Would you like it if he was doing the same thing or what it be harmless be for real you would have a fit if you love your husband. Put yourself in others shoes before making a decisions like that it sound like he just want some p____y anyway. Treat your self with respect and flirting can turn into something you would never imagine. When are know trying to act like men act and they truly don't want that but they are very unhappy and they think if he can do it I can to but love and respect yourself the bad guys will get their sooner or later. Truly I believe if you have a friend before the marriage you should both be going out together. He should know him and talk to him just like you do. Friends should be married if you are married single if you are single. Are their will be big problems. What women of his you don't know about? be blessed

Answer 3

Wow...been there! For me I had to discuss my attraction to this person with a close friend that I trusted not to tell anyone because I was afraid that if I didn't bring some sort of light to the situation something could possibly happen. The confusing thing was that in my mind I sorta wanted something to happen, but at the same time didn't. Luckily, I had a friend who left her husband to be with her first love and it was disastorous and I was able to learn from her mistakes. My friend told me that it was like someone trying to come in and take $100,000 from my account. I've put so much into this account with my marriage...am I gonna allow someone to come in and snatch that away from me? Hell no, sure the warm fuzzy feelings that come with attraction are exciting and different from what we experience in our daily married lives, but we made a commitment for a reason and don't need to engage ourselves in activities that have the potential to destroy it. Right now may be innocent, but continue any further and I guarantee that could change and I fear you will regret it. If I were you I wouldn't even go see him even with your friends there. Make up some reason whatever you can not to go. #1 DO NOT tell your husband these thoughts, b/c right now you've done nothing wrong and it wouldn't be fair to hurt him and him be upset and not trust you for having natural human emotions. Good luck and make good choices...ones that you won't regret later!

Answer 4

If you truly do love your husband and want to be loyal and faithful to him, you should not pursue anything that has the potential to jeopardize your marriage. Yes, your husband would be furious and you already know this. You should take some time out to think about the situation and decide for yourself what the right thing for you to do should be. You two are really still newlyweds and should be enjoying your early years of marriage. Just gather your thoughts about how you really feel and your answers to whatever your REAL question is will come to you. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Well, plain and simply -ask yourself how would it make you feel if your husband was acting like you are with a "friend" would you feel he was being dishonesty to your relationship or is this just a part of human relations, to have attraction to other people but not act out on the feelings and at what point is the line draw that is considered being unfaithful for you. Because you should measure yourself with the same yardstick that you would judge him with all things being fair.

Answer 6

Sounds to me like neither you nor your friend respects the fact that you are married. How would you feel if your husband was carrying on in this manner behind your back? If you need the attention of other men to make you feel cute or young... then you have issues of your own to deal with and probably shouldn't be married. If you keep this behavior up with your friend prepare yourself for a blow up and lots of drama in your future. Cuz once your Hubby finds out how you are acting with this person.. I imagine it won't be pretty. Hope you have your excuse lined up. (smh)

Answer 7

This guy wants to get into your pants and nothing else. He doesn't care for your wellbeing, if he does then he wouldn't be doing what he is right now. He might threaten you in the future and demand sex from you. Can you live with this, besides, if you really love your husband with all your heart, you will ask this guy to go fly a kite. He is a loser and not worth the time of a married woman and it's not worth jeapordizing your marriage becuz of this player.

Always remember, one thing leads to another!

I am sure you are happy with your husband and if you want him to be flirty with you, talk to him and if he still doesn't get it, it doesn't mean he doesn't value you or love you.

Love surpases all understanding, love is giving.

Answer 8

As women we all still want to be treated like we were before our husbands married us.Husbands forget about our needs as soon as we say I DO. They continue to flirt with other women but forget about us so when someone comes along and shows us some attention we love it.There is nothing wrong with what your doing just as long as you remember it's just harmless flirting and leave it at that. What ever you do don't drink with your friend.

Answer 9

Flirting can often to lead to other things you might regret. It sounds like you miss the attention and being paid attention to by your husband. Kind of like "the honeymoon is over". This is what marriage can be like so it's up to you to find ways to stay connected to your husband if you want to stay married. If you want to stay married, I would try not to be flirtatious with this other guy. It's also disrespectful of the other guy to continue to flirt with you, knowing you are married. I feel it would be disrespectful of you to do the same. You would probably feel very hurt if your husband did the same thing.

Answer 10

If he is your friend and has been for a long time your hubby should understand that being flirty is just his way with you. It's harmless. You are so not being disloyal, I think it's healty to flirt even being married it makes coming home much more exciting.