My wife of 16 yrs thinks I need therapy because I'm not happy. I'm 43 & worry all the time about $.Should I go

Question

I'm complain about her spending pretty often. But the more I make, the more I seem to stress about money. I want to keep my marriage together. Everytime I get to where we can pay off some bills, she seems to buy something that puts us right back behind. We've argued so much in the past, that we can't even talk about money anymore. So I keep it in an end up in tears and much anxiety. What advice can you give me? Thanks.

Answer 1

Well, I've been married 18 years and we've never fought about money. We've had it, gone without it and then had it again and it's never an issue. The reason it isn't, is because both of us are very grounded. We know that come hell or high water, if tomorrow everything was gone, we'd still have each other and that's all that matters. Money can't buy us our happiness, nor can it buy us love...that has to come from within ourselves.

I see that you may need some counseling for the anxiety, but I also see that your wife needs counseling to get to the bottom of why she compells herself to buy "things". What is she replacing in her life with those things that is missing? Because your problem is easy to fix...have her stop spending and everything would be 'right' in your world....but what about her? Why such a need to spend? That's the real problem...and that's going to require couple's counseling honey...to build on that relationship with each other and find out what's missing.

Answer 2

I have been married for 18 years my wife spends money like crazy you know I dont care if she spends everything ,you only live once and you will allways have bills and debt you cant get to the end of your life and say man we should of did this or should of done that you guys work pay bills kids all that crap HAVE FUN you are going to die anyway spend it the people in your will will just fight over your money anyway I told my kids ages 17,23,25 there is no will you want stuff work for it like we did .Stop being cheap

Answer 3

You need to get your finances under control and then everything else will fall into place in your marriage. Financial problems is the biggest reason people get a divorce, it's not because they don't love each other. Tomorrow morning you need to go to: www.daveramsey.com
He gives sound advice on cleaning up your debt and how to get started. This will make a world of difference. There is likely a seminar near you. If not, he has trained people in cities that give free talks in church basements and other free facilities. He calls it Financial Peace University. Do it tomorrow and bring your husband along to hear. You can also order a book or tapes on this. He is amazing. (I have friends that have paid off their house because of his ideas! And they don't have any car payments). Good luck!

Answer 4

if she is buying big ticket items without you, that would be a little ridiculous don't you think? that shows a lack of respect. Do you do that to her? if so, it's an equal lack of respect, and you guys need to have a talk, and say you will do it if she will do it. (I am just guessing)
if she is spending when she knows she shouldn't, (shopping addiction) well, that's a symptom of something else that's worse, she is trying to fill something, (love) (self esteem)
and you need to go because you have anxiety, but the reason you get upset is because you feel like you have no control.

Answer 5

I am sure she doesn't want you both to be in the poor house either but you should just tell her calmly just that but you would hope she could think if the purchase she makes are always necessary. Maybe you need some Zoloft too, it has made me worry less about being broke and everything else because I am a huge worrier myself. I don't think you need to go to therapy really just go to your regular doc. and talk to he/she first.

Answer 6

dude i went trough the same problem mine never stop spending money i would complain 2 her about n the more she would spend it cost me my marriage go 2 counseling but she needs 2 go 2 b realistic it might not work it didn't with me now iam in so much debt cause of her spending

Answer 7

Sounds like to me your wife needs to grow up and stop acting like a spoiled brat... explain to her that you want to pay off some bills so you and she can have a more comfortable life, and if she doesn't seem to understand this, cut her off financially for awhile, tell her to get a job.

Answer 8

Well I can say with not much pride but yeah I that kind of a wife but now instead of me and him arguing about me spendind he takes a percent of his check and sends to a savings account for emergencies he says but I respect that because I know he is just looking out for me and my son. But yeah start up a saving account not a joint one because she'll be empting it out but one by yourself and just let her know its for case of emergency and hopefully she will understand. And if you need to pay some bill just withdrawl a little here and then but yeah best of luck and just relax and take a breather life is beautiful...

Answer 9

I don’t think *you* need counseling. I think you *both* need joint counseling. Even though it will cost you money to get it, it *may* actually end up saving you money in the end (if it helps to curb her spending).

Answer 10

I am like you. I have kids that will be going to college soon. elderly parents and trying to plan for my retirement all at the same time.

Explain in details your fears. Women often don't view our concerns the wat we do. Give her as much detail about you concerns as you can and she will understand